Feb 10 2019 97 mins 2
Welcome to the new and improved, Nightcaps at the Theater. We are diving right into our first Critically Panneduary/So Bad it Hurts/Don’t Yuck My Yum Bad and we have no idea if we ever will look at movies the same way again. We piece together clues from our repressed youth’s subconscious and scream in maddening realization as we watch 2002’s The Master of Disguise. Pistachio Disguise (Yeah, you read that right) is on a mission to save his parents, find love, and become the true Master of Disguise. This film, if you can call it that, has it all. Bad, dated Dana Carvey impersonations. Sexism. A horrible, horrible, lack of humor. Don your Turtle Costume, and prepare your best/worst Tony Montana voice, you are going to need all your wits and sanity to make it through this movie. Afterwords, as you chant “Who’s Your Daddy?” rocking yourself back and forward, trying in vain to rid your mind of the Cherry Pie Man, remember this. Become Another Person. Watch Another Movie! Become Another Person. Watch Another Movie!
Tonight, on the Marquee:
- Turtle…Turtle…For F*&k’s Sake TURTLE…it’s The Master of Disguise.
- New Format, New Us, Same Shitty Movies at
- An end to Critically Panneduary/So Bad it Hurts/Don’t Yuck My Yum. Locked Away in Our Minds for Years. 1000 Faces… and Not a Single Clue.
- “Ah, the Disguise Family…I Should Have Known!”
- Undoubtedly Will Be Mentioned in Mentioned in Dana Carvey’s Potential Suicide Note.
- Stolen From/By the Assassin’s Creed
- Corned Beef Ravioli, who want to shit themselves 24/7?
- Pistachio is Clearly an Ass Man.
- Offensive No Matter, Race, Religion, or Bottom Size.
- David Lynch’s Turtle Club.
- Scooby Doo is Computer Generated…NO, REALLY!
- Cherry Pie Man…Nightmare Fuel.
Razzie Nominee for Best Fart.
“In a Bathtub with a Toaster Somewhere Hopefully.” – Director Perry Andelin Blake Whereabouts.
“That’s Not Ann Dowd or Richard Dreyfuss!” – We Are Drunk.
Energico Made Me Do It! – Rosanne Wishes.
“Hey Pistachio, Check This Out, There’s a Talking Baby Out Here!” – Greatest Line.
“My Tiny Blue Sweater!”
“HOW LONG ARE THESE F&*CKING CREDITS?!?”
Art Provided By: John Cafiero @bonehaver420
Music: “Hangover” by Dee Yan-Key
