Jan 05 2021 24 mins 2
FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript
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Aftershock: Hope, Help, Healing in the Wake of Suicide
Day 1 of 3
Guest: David Cox
From the Series: A Survivor's Look at Suicide
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Bob: There is a memory from childhood that David Cox will never lose.
David: My dad got in his car and as he was driving away, I hollered over the noise of the lawnmower, "Dad, where are you going?" Expecting his familiar reply, "Going crazy, want to come along?" And, very oddly, he said, "I have somewhere I have to go." And that was the first time I realized something was not quite right. And as he drove just a very small distance, he stopped the car and turned and looked back at me one last time, almost as if a man who is drowning and is reaching out for someone to rescue him. And that was the last time I ever saw my father alive.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, July 7th. Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. How do you help a family member deal with the reality of suicide? We'll talk about it today. Stay with us.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us. I remember two occasions when I was in high school, Dennis, where I was confronted with the reality of what we're going to be talking about today. There was a classmate in my high school. He was in the same grade I was in, and I don't know the details, don't know what surrounded it, but I remember the news that came to us that our classmate had taken his life; he had committed suicide.
And then I had a friend who -- she actually lived three doors down, and she was dating a friend of mine. Again, I don't remember how I got the news, but one day I learned that he father had gone into the basement of their home and had taken his own life. And when you're confronted with the reality of suicide, you really don't know how to respond, how to react. You don't know how to help folks. It's a troubling, confusing time for those of us who are on the outside, and it must be incredibly confusing and painful for those who are right in the midst of it.
Dennis: Yes, in fact, you and I received an e-mail from a listener who, just a couple of weeks ago, wrote us, and she writes, "Good morning. Our family has suffered a tragic loss recently. My 15-year-old son has taken his life just a few days ago. May I please ask for your prayers for my family? I'm a single mom of two other teens as well. Do you have any other resources of godly guidance that I might read to help us through this process?" She goes on and say, "My son was depressed, and we were actively participating in community resources for his help and treatments. It seemed as though we were turning a corner, and he was getting better. I admit that I do not understand this, and I am at a loss. Thank you very much."
You know, unfortunately, Bob, I think by the time you live to be 30 or 40, you're going to be touched by the subject of suicide today, perhaps not through your own family, but through a friend or an acquaintance at work or in the community. This is a growing problem in our culture, and we decided to do some research as to who had really written on this subject and who could help us create some tools and resources for you, as a listener, to be able to reach out to people who perhaps are survivors of a suicide, perhaps your mom or dad committed suicide when you were a child, or you know of someone who has lost a family member or a friend due to suicide. And we ran across a book called "Aftershock," and it's co-authored by Candy Arrington and Dr. David Cox, and David joins us here on the broadcast. David, welcome to FamilyLife Today.
David: Thank you, Dennis. It's a pleasure to be here.
Dennis: David is a marriage and family counselor in Spartanburg, South Carolina. He is a graduate of Wofford College, and has his MDiv, along with his Doctorate of Minister degrees from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina, and you actually -- David, you did your study when you did your doctoral work in this area of suicide prevention, right?
David: Yes, I did, Dennis. My doctoral thesis was more intervention. It was counseling and suicide intervention, hoping to sort of meet the problem on the front end and see if we could make a difference in folks as they are depressed and becoming suicidal. The book, "Aftershock: Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide," is really more of a survivor's book, because we really saw that there was a much greater need for something like this, sadly, after folks have been through it.
Bob: Your interest in this subject was not purely clinical, but it's because you are, yourself, a survivor of suicide.
David: I am, Bob, and by "survivor of suicide" we mean a surviving loved one, family member or friend, after someone has completed suicide. It does not necessarily refer to someone who has survived a suicide attempt on their own.
Bob: In your case, your father committed suicide when you were nine years old. Were you aware, prior to his suicide, that there were things in his life that could be leading him in that direction?
David: None whatsoever, and not just because I was nine years old, but I think our entire family was oblivious to the trouble that he was in emotionally. Now, of course, looking back, we could see that he had changed jobs three times in a two-year period; we had a home in Richmond, Virginia, which would not sell; my mother had recently gone through breast cancer surgery; my father had mounting debt; my two sisters were in college at the time; he was very depressed. He had had some medical problems, and so he very much fit the profile for someone who is suicidal. But, as many families are -- most families are -- we were completely caught offguard by his suicide.
Dennis: You know, as a nine-year-old boy, your world is that of a boy, not thinking about how is Dad doing, how is Mom doing? And yet one day you were mowing the lawn, and you looked up, and your dad got in his 1966 Mustang, and you asked him where he was going. What did he say?
David: ...
