Employing Differences

"We are assuming that no one wants to be a controlling boss or to use the structural power that they have in a way that would cause someone else to feel controlling or that would diminish somebody else's agency to speak or do their job or say things. It doesn't mean that that person who has authority doesn't want to make decisions and use their decision-making a

"There is a whole range of what transparency means. There's a range of ways we might achieve it. And we want to be thoughtful about who needs the information and how much of the information they need."Karen & Paul discuss how the benefits – and costs – of transparency aren't always what we expect them to be.

"Those moments of conflict in those types of relationships are precisely the moments where we have the opportunity to learn and grow individually and as a part of that relationship. We get to make a choice about whether or not we want to do that."Paul & Karen talk about how conflict creates opportunities for growth.

"With a simple decision, the math says we should do this, and somebody else is going, 'But how could you possibly?'" Karen & Paul talk about how the logical and emotional parts of our decision-making can show up when we collaborate.

"We sometimes can fall into the trap of thinking that we can work with anyone, and that we can fix every situation. That if we just use the right words, if we approach things in the right way, that we can always make things better. And our experience has been that's not true."Paul & Karen talk about recognizing the limits of our interpersonal skills.

"There's no one answer to this. It depends on the situation. What we really want to dig into is understanding what our options are – being able to see what's going on in these situations so that we can make good choices about it."Karen & Paul talk about how to move forward when a situation upsets only part of a group.

"You and I continue to explore this space because we're continually learning. There is no end goal for figuring all of this stuff out. There is just getting even better at exploring that collaborative space that lives between individuals."Paul & Karen celebrate two hundred podcast episodes by looking at themes in what they've talked about.

"If my goal is to change somebody else's behavior, I'm very unlikely to be successful. But if my goal is to make the relationship better and to change what I can change about what's going on with me, and how I'm engaging, and how I'm sharing in various ways; the likelihood that their behavior will change actually goes up."Karen & Paul discuss

"We can never really know what's going on with the other person. We're almost always guessing at them. And the question is whether or not the guesses we're making are helpful or not. Does it feel certain? Does it feel like I have absolved myself of any responsibility of needing to do anything different? Does it seem like this guess is always true, has always bee

"The place I want to start is recognizing, 'What's my pattern?' Do I always start with a question? Do I always start by saying, 'What do you think we should do?' Or do I always start with, 'Here's what I think we should do.'? If you're always doing the same thing – and by always, I mean nine times out of ten – then you're p