Planet Maynard

Sep 11 2015 203






















Sunday Afternoon Fever, Melbourne Comedy Festival 1993.
Apr 15 2020 154 mins  
Maynard returns to the Melbourne Comedy Festival in 1993. Broadcast rather excitedly on Triple J across Australia on Sunday, 4th April. A two and a half hour spectacular Sunday Afternoon Fever show from the “Scott Carne Suite”, otherwise known as Studio 320 at ABC Melbourne. With a live audience that are up for it. Just what that is, you’ll find out. The live house band for the show was Boom Crash Opera, with guests Miss Dorothy & His Fools in Love, Tlot Tlot, Mrs Sinatra, the Totally Lost in Space improv show, The Real Live Brady Bunch, Lano & Woodley AND heaps more. You’ll need a wiglet.Mrs Fred Sinatra on haircare Fred & Millie Sinatra There are audience song requests, 3 rounds of Maynard’s Mastermind and rather inexplicably the chance to win Bobby Brown’s tracksuit. Miss Dorothy sings beautifully, Tlot Tlot have a new album, Mrs Sinatra (live on the phone from Las Vegas) has hair care tips for the ladies, Warren Coleman fills us in on behind the scenes of The Real Live Brady Bunch, Ross Daniels goes all Dr Smith for the live audience, Lano & Woodley relive painful school days in song and Boom Crash Opera do their version of Detachable Trombone. It’s a class act all the way with Triple J. So, get down in your underpants and pray to the Church of the Funky Chicken. It’s time for Sunday Afternoon Fever at The Melbourne Comedy Festival 1993. Thanks to all our funny guests. Special thanks to the very professional Triple J Producers Anne-Maree Sargeant, Phil McKelar and all at ABC Melbourne 1993. Maynard & Tlot Tlot 1993 Maynard at 1992 Melbourne Comedy Festival Maynard on Foxtel Channel V at 2000 Melbourne Comedy Festival Tlot Tlot with The Girlfriend Song


Bunga Bunga 58 – Tim Ferguson & Maynard
Apr 02 2020 44 mins  
Desperate times call for a highly entertaining and consummate Bunga Bunga. Tim Ferguson & Maynard are the right duo up in the right place to get down at the right time. Join them as they cower in place in the lofty heights of Tim’s Fortress of Arrogance. But don’t worry, Maynard’s Bug Out Bag has been ready for years, full of questionable cultural content. Even gossip king Lance Leopard phones in to the show from his ivory tower of scandal, to solve a burning social issue. You know, the Kylie/Madonna one. Hold the line Australia. Hold the line.Tim Ferguson Bunga Bunga 58 contains advice, laughs, wisdom and a little bit of comfort food as Tim & Maynard pirouette on the cutting edge with things that are SO early March, that no one is talking about any more: micro plastics in teabags, waxed baking paper usage and that Greta. If you can’t lick anybody else, you might as well lick yourself.Maynard Learn about yet another emerging threat to Australia from Northcote. Be alert and maybe a bit alarmed about the scourge of overly earnest poetry about to swamp a nation that has already suffered enough. Kitler 2 oversees the production. You aren’t the only one tired of being part of a major historical event. So let’s discuss Julie Andrews in the bathroom, Tim & Maynard’s career having eerie similarities to the Australian economy right now and poop on a plate. First ever Bunga Bunga live video 13 Minutes to the Moon, Season 2 – Apollo 13 So, Ruby don’t take your love to town. It’s shut. Settle in with Bunga Bunga 58. But remember….. Don’t Take Pandemic Advice From A Podcast



Sunday Afternoon Fever, Melbourne Comedy Festival 1992
Mar 17 2020 174 mins  
Hear a time capsule from the Melbourne Comedy Festival 1992. Sunday Afternoon Fever live across Australia on Triple J, 5th April 1992. Maynard and guests, Wendy Harmer, Bachelors From Prague, Doug Anthony All Stars, Stomp, Mark Little, Found Objects, Chris Lynam, Lily Savage, Corky and The Juice Pigs, Lance & The Hollywood Kids, bring you a music and mayhem filled 3 hours from just one Sunday afternoon that was very 1992. Found Objects, perform on Sunday Afternoon Fever, 5.4.1992 ABC Studio 320 in Broadcast House, Lonsdale Street, Melbourne, was the venue for an afternoon of goofin’ off featuring the house band for the show Bachelors From Prague. It was their last public appearance before leaving for Italy. Bachelors From Prague with Maynard dancing. Triple J, Sunday Afternoon Fever, Melbourne Comedy Festival 1992 This 3 hour show includes all the interviews and performances, as well as the flavour of the 1992 music groove. Stomp perform on Sunday Afternoon Fever Melbourne Comedy Festival, April 1992 This was the first year Stomp toured Australia and before Wendy Harmer began her very successful commercial radio career in Sydney in 1993. Richard Fidler helps out. Tim Ferguson relaxes live with Maynard, Triple J, Melbourne Comedy Festival 1992 DAAS had just been on The Big Gig and upset ABC viewers even more than usual. Chris Lynham was wonderfully surreal and gave some of the best non sequitur answers ever. Maynard plays trombone with Bachelors From Prague. Triple J, Melbourne Comedy Festival 1992 All of these performers are still around, all every bit as entertaining as in this show. Seek them out, it’s worth the journey. Maynard works the crowd. Sunday Afternoon Fever show. Triple J Melbourne Comedy Festival 1992 Thanks to all our guests. Special thanks to the very professional Triple J Producers Chris Norris, Anne Marie, Phil McKelar and all at ABC Melbourne 1992. Bachelors From Prague on Facebook 6 other Sunday Afternoon Fever shows for your listening pleasure








Sydney Hellfire Club throws in the whip after 27 years
Jan 14 2020 29 mins  
The Sydney Hellfire Club, clearly one of the most interesting nightclubs on the Sydney scene, has called it a night after 27 years (or 26 years and 10 months, if you want to be pedantic). Master Tom and Ultra sat down after the final party on 27th December and told the reason why they are ending their successful run. Also just a few stories from a version of Sydney nightlife that won’t be back in a hurry. What really made Hellfire work for so long was that we genuinely held a particular defined philosophy, that we stuck to rigorously. Even when it was economically irrational to do so.Master Tom Sydney Hellfire Club first night at The Shift. Maynard & friends Sydney Hellfire Club simple to follow house rules Having fun at Sydney Hellfire Club first night at Midnight Shift The Art of the Hookup book mentioned during the interview Listen to the full interview above. Here is a wicked partial transcript: Maynard: When you do something for a long time, when you do something for 26 years and 10 months, you’re not just good at it, you’re fucking brilliant at it! I’m talking to the two people that have run the Hellfire Club in Sydney for 26 years and 10 months. We’ve got Ultra and Master Tom, how are you feeling? It’s 48 hours after you put the Club to bed for the last time. Master Tom: We’re feeling every one of those 26 years and 10 months. Can I just say, I was young and skinny when it started. Now I’m twice the man I used to be. Maynard: And you two actually met at the club. Ultra: We did. We met in maybe August 1993. Maynard: Looking at the final night you had there, the crowd has evolved. There were a lot of people looking the look. But not really playing the way they used to back in the day. Is that because society’s changed or because my eyes are so bad I didn’t see it. Master Tom: Oh both. There was a bit of play going on around the frames. There were two A-frames going, one in the back corner, one in the front corner. Things have changed. Nightclubs have changed. Nightclub culture’s changed. The Black Market was a unique and special place. Kind of anything you wanted you did. It was all brand new then and everyone was making it up as they went along and there was nowhere else to do anything like that at the time. But since then, and largely as a result of Hellfire, there’s been a proliferation of other events, other parties, other venues, and other opportunities for people to do this kind of stuff. Not just in a nightclub. Maynard: What was the final straw then? The thing that happened for you to say, “Let’s end it”. Ultra: A $20,000 minimum bar spend. Maynard: That’s a lot of money. In the world of Australian nightclubs, is that considered a high minimum spend at the bar? Explain to people what that is. Master Tom: A minimum spend is the amount the club owner has to take. If they take any less than that,









Kylie Minogue, Enjoy Yourself tour, Sydney 1990
Nov 13 2019 21 mins  
Kylie Minogue’s Enjoy Yourself tour played Sydney on 5th February 1990. I was there to cover it for my Triple J breakfast show the next morning. Some of the interviews you’ll hear in this audio never made the breakfast show that next morning (the Dad from Stroud for example). People who can spot talent realise Kylie’s not trying to preach from a soapbox. She’s just a young chick who’s having a good time and pleasing a lot of people with her music.Richard Wilkins MTV Feb 1990 At Kylie Minogue’s third only live show in Australia, you’ll hear Ms Minogue herself, Ray Medhurst (Rockmelons), Nick Ferris (Ten Wedge), Alan Jones (you know him), DJ Pee Wee Ferris, James Freud (Models and bass in Kylie’s stage band), Richard Wilkins (MTV etc), Glen A Baker, even Dave Mason (The Reels). Not to mention the sometimes blunt opinions of the overexcited audience that paid the 1990 price of about $30 a ticket at the Sydney Entertainment Centre. Kylie Minogue’s set list from the night But there was a lot of “Kylie cringe” going on still at the beginning of 1990. Regardless of this, a lot of groovers and hipsters from around Sydney were in the audience to see her show that February night, even though some of the black clothing set looked a bit uncomfortable outside Kings Cross and Darlinghurst. I think there should be more shows like this. It’s unpretentious in so many ways. It’s really honest. It’s showbiz.James Freud, Feb 5th 1990 (about 11:30pm backstage) Supported by Indecent Obsession the Enjoy Yourself show played to a capacity Sydney Entertainment Centre crowd that didn’t stop screaming and singing along all night. Most of the music you’ll hear was recorded by me in the middle of that deliriously screaming crowd, which might give you a feel of what it was like to be there. Watch the show we saw that night… Prior to Kylie starting her show, what looked like Jason Donovan in the seated audience section caused a chorus of shrieking just before the show started. Once the show started everyone quickly forgot the Jason incident and had an opinion about Kylie’s black velveteen catsuit (as you will hear, it was her favourite outfit of the show). Kylie Minogue, performing in concert, Enjoy Yourself Tour, La Cigale, Paris, France, Tuesday 8th May 1990. (Photo by NCJ Archive/Mirrorpix/Getty Images) Thankyou to the producers who helped produce this, some of which never made it to air on the morning of 6th Feb 1990. Chris Norris & Simon Marnie. Enjoy Yourself, you’ll hear we ALL did that night. The people who worked on the Enjoy Yourself tour 1990






Maynard’s weekend with Absolutely 80s
Jul 16 2019 23 mins  
My first weekend with Absolutely 80s working in Sydney (they are back in August) was a reintroduction to Brian Mannix (Uncanny X-Men), Scott Carne (Kids in the Kitchen), Dale Ryder (Boom Crash Opera) & Sean Kelly (Models). The Dee Why and Cronulla shows showed the kind of 80s glam I don’t get to see first hand all that often. Brian Mannix onstage at Dee Why during Absolutely 80s show. Brian Mannix was all about the Barbara Streisand 1976 sound track to A Star Is Born. But not in a good way. We have some good things to say about Adelaide, but THEN…the interview was cut short due to circumstances beyond our control. You’ll hear why. My first interview ever with Scott Carne covers the reason why he is still drawing crowds in 2019. We talked about the iconic status of the 1985 Shine album. That album had 6 singles that charted in Australia and it was double platinum in Australia. Having a record producer in a pink jumpsuit was considered a good thing in 1984. Scott had a solo career and and some long lived and eclectic residences at Inflation Nightclub in Melbourne with Human Zoo & Priscilla’s Nightmare, during which he discovered the joy and financial freedom of being his own manager. Sean Kelly onstage at Dee Why, Absolutely 80s Sean Kelly has discovered his inner showman working with Absolutely 80s as it’s a rare chance for him to perform without playing guitar. He explains why he doesn’t read social media and we explore the hitherto unconsidered similarity between AFL and being a musician. I convince him that there has never been a more opportune time to make that move to MySpace. Dale Ryder (Boom Crash Opera), Dee Why, Absolutely 80s show. If you feel like you missed some fun shows, well, you did. But Absolutely 80s returns north on 9th August to Newcastle & 10th August to Castle Hill.




Desperately Seeking Lance
May 25 2019 28 mins  
Those desperately seeking Lance Leopard need listen no further than this podcast as Lance returns to talk all things fashion, faux pas and fabulousness. Maynard is desperately seeking legendary Oxford St legend Lance Leopard in his credenza filled rooftop garden ivory tower of gossip. There are movies, dancing, some singing, and of course talk of Madonna and Elizabeth Taylor. Lance Leopard reads yet another Madonna book in the rooftop garden of his ivory tower. Lance recommends a few lesser known Elizabeth Taylor movies for us as well as reciting by heart her complete range of fragrances. Listener mail has Lance answering questions on… Fashion mistakes he has made: “I don’t know what you are talking about”. The cyclical nature of fashion: “The 1980s has already come and gone three times already this century. Things can come into fashion for one evening now, if someone has a good enough party.” If you’d like to join Lance Leopard and myself at Barbarella on June 4 at Red Bar, details and tickets are here. Lance also finds time (as his mother is staying with him) to review the recently renovated Midnight Shift, now known as the Universal. But he still has a soft spot for The Palms (previously Scooters) as he used to DJ there regularly. The next Loveshack comes your way for your complete cocktail dancing experience on Saturday 22nd June. Facebook event here. Although Lance’s claim of a needle mark on Marilyn Monroe’s body after death isn’t on the 1962 coroner’s report, her toxicology report does raise some questions that weren’t answered. Lance didn’t like madonna’s 2012 fragrance or the bottle it came in. Make up your mind about the bottle. Lance Leopard in gold dressing gown and pink headband Lance Leopard’s disco Chinese lantern in his rooftop garden









A Sixpack of The Coldest 100
Jan 21 2019 25 mins  
The Coldest 100 was the creation of Andrew Sholl on Twitter in 2016 and has been the Giddy Uncle of Triple J’s Hottest 100 ever since. Anyone can have a guess at the hottest song of the year, but who has ever nominated the Bunnings theme or Kylie Minogue performing her version of Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep? Andrew only does this on Twitter (he has a real job) and releases his Coldest 100 in parallel with what ever number Triple J is up too. The Coldest 100 can best be described as questionable songs by Australians and about Australia. So Andrew Sholl sat down with me at The Madame Frou Frou Cafe to sample a sixpack of his 100 cold ones. Australian Kitsch on Twitter Here are a selection of 2019 Coldest 100 entries on YouTube. A list of The Coldest 100 from 100 to 75 is below. You’ll have to wait till January 27th to find out the worst coldest of The Coldest 100. Japanese duo Peanuts – Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Spot. Red Rubber Ball – Cilla Black (The Seekers) The Rooty Hill RSL Club Band bring the 1973 funk to Tower Of Strength Here is the entire Coldest 100 as a Youtube playlist. (you have been warned) The Coldest 100 -75 100 Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again (2004) Scared Little Weird Guys https://youtu.be/HahOnU3WglM 99 Canberra, We’re Watching You (1975) Dalvanius and the Fascinations https://youtu.be/quZjurDmiGc 98 Toodle-oo Kangaroo (1956) Frank Virtue and The Virtues https://youtu.be/7QRBbuJ4qwk 97 What Next! (Rolf Harris Medley) (c.1966) The John Charter Group https://youtu.be/vQduPtA5wLc 96 Poltettu Humppa (Beds Are Burning) (2000) Eläkeläiset (Finland) Video: https://youtu.be/ilJJAaQ_ApY Audio only: https://open.spotify.com/track/2WfU6TUISX6PVrBCuxFbjR 95 G’Day From WA (1986-87) Mojo Singers https://youtu.be/VNT1PUGG_IE 94 I Love You Fair Dinkum Dinky Di I Do (1955) Danny Kaye https://youtu.be/vsrDpDfhA2c 93 While the Billy Boils Ann Sidney https://youtu.be/1HTkr0nW-ZY 92 Georgy Girl (1967) Mitzi Gaynor https://youtu.be/tUPEVNKabGg 91 Sea of Heartbreak (1971) Lionel Rose https://youtu.be/-q7GXjh_kNc 90 Sport Bowlin’ Shane Haskel Daniel v Sideshow https://youtu.be/3Mu3lkjC9pA 89 Kangourou (1980) Plastic Bertrand (Belgium) https://youtu.be/kAKMdtByMDo 87 Wake Up Australia (1973) Bootleg Family https://youtu.be/g769F94B7P0 86 Olivia Newton-John and Pat Carroll https://youtu.be/C-DEZZ8a1rE 85 Click Go the Shears (Māori version, 1966) Lou and Simon https://youtu.be/rbU7nucfxmk 84 The Mighty Maroons (1984) Rod Williams arr. Keith Urban https://youtu.be/j0gL5jYSklc 83 Pack Up A Dream and Head for Hayman Island (1950) John O’Connor and George Watson’s Hawaiians https://soundcloud.com/nfsaaustralia/pack-up-a-dream-and-head-for-hayman-island-john-oconnor-and-george-watsons-hawaiians 82 I Just Wanna Yodel Like You (1981) Mary Schneider and Melinda Schneider (8 y.o.) https://youtu.be/FnLTnqLLmJE 81 Hector the Trash Collector (1968) Frankie Davidson https://youtu.be/HdfnvMdMNAs 80 Bouzouki (1971) Dawn Dixon https://youtu.be/80HFasr-lUo 79 Red Rubber Ball (1969) Cilla Black https://youtu.be/VhF0dyK6LVU 78 Heart of The Sunshine Coast (1978) Shorty Ranger https://youtu.be/RwRaANZ-NBs 77 Woobinda (Italian) (1978) Riccardo Zara con le Mele Ve...
































Bunga Bunga 48 – Tim Ferguson & Maynard
Aug 20 2018 45 mins  
Bunga Bunga 48 sings to the world in a voice not unlike a cat locked out your house on a cold winter’s night. Listen to this show and you won’t get a good night’s sleep. Tim Ferguson and Maynard truely, madly and creepily change the history of Australia’s national anthem while disrespecting several other national anthems in the process. Of course your new national anthem doesn’t like us. But that’s just jealously talking. Tim also breaks the news that the 2 hour documentary on The Doug Anthony All Stars will be screened on ABC TV this year in two filth ridden parts. Covering the entire career of the group, with video clips going back to 1984, when George Orwell was a DJ. Subscribe for free in iTunes and get every Bunga Bunga and Planet Maynard show when it pops. The Brady Bunch Special from Sunday Afternoon Fever Skeptic Zone science stuff DAAS on Canberra television 1984 The national anthem of Woolongong Help the podcast by becoming a Patreon and get your own special show, once a month in which we promise to suck up to you. Maynard conducts a multi-lingual choir. Tim did the arrangement, but wasn’t able to make it on the night. The blood stained shirts were his idea. Sydney’s own Tijuana Taxi, live at The Camelot Lounge.The maraca work is intense. Listen to James Bond Radio,full interview with Joseph McGrath, first of the six directors to work on the 1966 film. (It did win a best song Oscar for “The Look Of Love” by Dusty Springfield)




Vinyl Lives! The Record Store, Darlinghurst
Jul 17 2018 28 mins  
The Record Store in Goulburn Street, Darlinghurst is where you find Stephan Gyory (after 11am, “we keep civilised hours here”) surrounded by vinyl records of almost every genre (“but we don’t want your old Trance or Prog vinyl”) He’s been in the vinyl record trade since he started at BPM Records in Oxford St (above the old Army disposal store) in 1994. At one stage, in the late 90s, there were fourteen dance music record stores in Darlinghurst. Sometimes at night in Darlinghurst it’s now difficult to find fourteen people. But Stephan is optimistic about the future of the Oxford St precinct. “I run the local Chamber of Commerce. I’m currently on the City of Sydney late-night advisory panel, which is looking at how to diversify nightlife.” But is the Oxford St too far gone? “We lost the Flinders and it came back. We lost Q Bar, but that place was going to fall through its own floor anyway, we lost The Shift, and it’s just been bought by a group that are going to reopen as a club. This area and the community here is very resilient. The thing about Oxford Street is if you walk up it, Yeah, it’s a bit tatty, but if you walk across it, you don’t notice, because there’s lots of really cool things around it.” So how about some advice to anybody thinking of opening a record store in 2018? “Don’t go back in time and open a record store in 2003 because the following ten years will be terrible.” So why do you still do it, with your not-so-silent-enough partner? “Fucked if I know! Vinyl turned the corner probably five years ago and that was a function of music becoming a utility. When music went to streaming it just became like water and electricity. I think people seek to have relationships with music beyond pure consumption and the utility model is just a consumption model. But why am I in retail. I don’t know.I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. But I am my own boss and I don’t have a mortgage, no kids, and it’s a very fun lifestyle.” Stephan caters to most styles of music at The Record Store, but there is one type of person he won’t tolerate in his shop. “We don’t serve audiophiles. I mean, they don’t come here because we’re a very pedestrian shop to the point where if someone comes to us with a collection of rare collectible vinyl, we’ll send them to another store. When I buy second-hand, I want to be able to sell it for not very much money. I want you to be able to come in and buy more than one album. I don’t want people coming in with magnifying glasses looking at the grooves because they’re a fucking pain in the ass. They might be very lovely people but I don’t have the time or patience. I think I’ve only ever had to kick three people out of this store in 20 years, and all three were like that.” So you and your magnifying glass can tell your story walking. But a final word on musical taste from Stephan. “I used to be quite intolerant of music I wasn’t into. This music is better than that music and then recently some Liberace got through and into our rock and pop section. Ordinarily I would give that stuff to Vinnie’s. This young Chinese girl came in, a full vinyl junkie, she bought Barry Manilow, Liberace and Richard Clayderman, and I thought”, “you know what these records bring you joy, and you’re into this format as much as I am.” “Cool.” Just don’t go asking for Trance or Prog. The Record Store online The Record Store Facebook Mildlife, Stephan’s favourite current release Chris from Waterfront records in his Newcastle West record shop


Bunga Bunga 46 – Tim Ferguson & Maynard
Jun 26 2018 42 mins  
Tim Ferguson and Maynard in Bunga Bunga 46, a shenanigan that will live in infamy, answer the questions other podcasts even fear to speak aloud. We even crack open our Crankmail. When is unfunny funny? Should you be polite to Hitler? Why can’t Tim Ferguson ever be friends with Paul McCartney? “If that’s the level of clarity Paul McCartney has about his own lyrics, no wonder John Lennon hated his guts.” What music does Maynard really play in his VW? Plus speculation on $2 wine and Buddha’s bladder. Sure, it’s not a great wine, but it is WINE. This is a podcast described by a 9 year old who didn’t get an ice cream as “this is bullshit”. We find out that Tim has given Maynard a valuable gift for his Bug Out Bag (maybe). Maynard becomes the Grammar Guy. “I don’t even know what a split infinitive is, but I know what I like.” Tim saves Canada and but more importantly,finally uncovers the Greens fiendish endgame. And we test drive a new bit, Schrödinger’s Cool…. As you heard in Bunga Bunga 46 Wear your Activewear Morris Minor & The Majors second single, only charted in Australia. Possibly the best opening action scene to any Bond movie, with Sir Roger in his day glow 70s ski gear. Check out the cowbell. James Bond Radio, for a deep dive into Bondage. Scathing Atheist (thanks for the Thanos) The Skepticrat (thanks for the Bunga) The world in which we live in? You decide. Late night traffic stop with Dr Schrödinger. Toonces, the driving cat. Absolute filth. Our little mean kid sticks it to the Caped Crusader. Maynard & Tim Ferguson at Supernova 2016.


Lunch with Lance Leopard
Jun 07 2018 48 mins  
Time for a serious Oxford Street lunch with Lance Leopard, but not till after an even more serious viewing of Valley of the Dolls, a movie Lance agrees is a “great starting point for any camp movie collection’. Join Maynard as he visits Lance Leopard, high in his ivory tower of scuttlebutt, where all secrets are hidden and revealed, overlooking the inhospitable wilds of Darlinghurst. Topics covered in this show include, Delilah, The Gibson Brothers, Madonna’s movie career, Jane Fonda, Liberace, Marilyn Monroe on the piano, Bill Collins, Village People, Claire de Lune, Joe Hasham and ABBA. Lance declares two “stupid films” that should never have been made. While Maynard gets the best scene from Tank Girl wrong. And the next time someone you know isn’t getting what you are saying, just do what Lance does, and ask them; “can you hear the drums Fernando?”. Lance did have a few other things he wished to be quoted on; “I’m glad you’re working hard on this show Maynard, I’m as lazy as Dean Martin.” “I thought the Madonna film Body of Evidence was a great film in a genre I’ve made up called faux Hitchcock.” “Madonna can act, when she’s directed well and she’s not the leading character.” “My favourite Bond film is Moonraker, it’s James Bond in space AND Shirley Bassey belts out the theme song.” “I ironed Neil Tenant’s pants once backstage because the Pet Shop Boys wardrobe assistant had gone missing at The Phoenix Bar on ecstasy or something. I blame the gays.” “I have long arms, so it never looks like I’m taking a selfie. It looks like I’m just waving.” “I’ve been called a gay icon, and I’ve been called worse.” “Now a new audience has rediscovered me, I’m trapped with my quiff, my perfect eyebrows and my matte complexion.” ” Now that I’m older, I’ve realised timing and lighting is EVERYTHING.” Enjoy your lunch with Lance, see you at the buffet…. Maynard’s 1989 interview with Jackie O’Sullivan of Bananrama during their Australian tour Madonna in Lance’s favourite scene from Dick Tracey, love that dialogue.




Lance Leopard changes his spot
Apr 01 2018 56 mins  
Lance Leopard is a gay icon and legendary gossip columnist from the glamorous 1990s of the Oxford Street strip, and beyond. Join us in Lance Leopard’s new spot. An ivory tower high above the fray, overlooking Darlinghurst, where secrets are both hidden and revealed. During his tenure as chief gossip and stirrer of The Scene in his weekly columns in The Star Observer, Capital Q, Out Biz and more, he dished the dirt and smeared the eyeliner without fear or favour. Lance even has celebrity advice for Dannii Minogue (a child superstar), Cybill Shepherd (selfish bitch) and his Mum (Ikeep my manners around her and try and teach her a few). Join us for drinks won’t you? I present short history of quotes from Lance Leopard; “I can admit it now because I’m retired” “People “remember” me doing all sorts of things. It might not have been me they actually remember. It could have been Sexy Galexy for all I know.” “The more you do something, the better you get at it. Or else you’re always dreadful and no one will tell you.” “Brisbane is like Baltimore, it’s one of those nutty little towns that just has its own thing.” “I don’t know if I should say this.” “If people are complaining there isn’t a scene. They can go out there and make one.” “I liked it when my columns were in magazines people had to actually buy. I made more of an effort then.” “Everybody has an opinion now days. But if it’s not an informed opinion, it’s a lousy opinion, and who needs to hear it?” When asked at what point in history Lance would have liked to have lived; “I would have picked the good years of Versailles. Before everybody got angry and started demanding cake.” On the world of gossip a learned Lance quotes Ru Paul; “What people say about you behind your back is none of your business.” Archive of Lance Leopard columns from Cotton Ward Short films starring Lance Leopard Interview with Lance Leopard opening night of “Australia in the 80s” Powerhouse Museum. Maynard touches Morrissey’s shirt sleeve at Sydney Opera House See why Lance & Maynard so impressed with Bob Downe’s makeup. The Megamen (with Lance Leopard on syn drums) Brisbane Telethon 1983 “Designed For Living”. One of Lance Lepoard’s dance floor favourites Stacey Q – We Connect Maynard interview with Stacey Q 2016















































































































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