Apr 07 2025 67 mins 36
Lords:
- Erica
- Jenni
Topics:
- The chaos you missed
- Having a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don't necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-time
- Do people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud?
- Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriage
- Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosis
Microtopics:
- Beneficial nematodes: are they really that good?
- How to pronounce "iykyk."
- Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King.
- Going extreme on the melismas.
- The Saying Hi Chamber.
- Shazam chastising you for singing.
- 100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads.
- Inventing a new way to live that's worse in every respect.
- Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed.
- A baby getting upset because he isn't staring at geometric shapes right now.
- Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones.
- A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City.
- Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes.
- Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown.
- Caking Bad.
- A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo's naked mole rats.
- Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed.
- A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks.
- Eusocial mammals.
- Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth.
- A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen.
- Intervertebral red shift.
- EBF, EFF and EP.
- Wake windows and contact naps.
- Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you're breastfeeding!
- Whether it's ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual.
- The poop potato who has opinions.
- You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it's sweeping the floor.
- All the things you're not supposed to put in the crib with the baby.
- Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you're not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore.
- How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil.
- Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors' notes but you're already at your three free article limit.
- Anthrocyanins.
- Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe.
- The most domesticated mammal: man.
- Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them.
- Old ladies? In my duct work?
- Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven't cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there
- Poop Songs for Roy.
- Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work.
- The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist.
- Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish.
- The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic.
- Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches.
- Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad.
- The Poem is Entertaining.
- Speculative fiction about soviets invading.
- The kind of poem you'd read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s.
- Children's YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks.
- Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can't relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials.
- Xennial Warrior Princess.
- Everything's more true when you're wearing pants.
- The 25th place you can post pictures of your baby.
- The legend of Shrimptaur.
- Hide in the discord and never post.
- Finally writing the tweet that's going to make John Hodgman unfollow you
