Unshakable Self-Confidence

A Journey of Self-Discovery

Welcome back to the Personal Development Unplugged Podcast! In this episode, we dive deep into unshakable confidence, exploring the idea that confidence is not something to be installed but rather reawakened. If you struggle with feelings of unconfidence, this episode is designed just for you.

Join me, Paul Clough, as I share my journey from being an introvert who stumbled over words in front of small groups to confidently speaking in front of hundreds. You'll discover the transformative power of recognizing your competence and how it can lead to genuine self-confidence.

In this episode, we will cover:

• The importance of understanding the messages behind unconfidence and how they serve a purpose.

• How to change your emotional state and the impact it has on your physiology and behaviours.

• Identifying counterexamples of when you felt confident and competent.

• Practical exercises to anchor feelings of curiosity and learning.

• Steps to rekindle your inner confidence and take small, manageable actions toward your goals.

By the end of this episode, you'll have the tools to shift your mindset, embrace your skills, and take confident steps forward in your life. Remember, confidence is not about being overconfident; it's about being comfortable in your own competence.

Ready to transform your unconfidence into unshakable confidence? Let's get started!

And then please share what you learn - Confidently

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/433-unshakable-self-confidence/

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I’d love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected].

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Special Programs for You

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Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast.

Connect with Me

Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie

Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure.

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Music Credits

Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay.

And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism

Hey, it's me, Paul, back with personal development. Unplugged, the longer podcast and this time we're talking about unshakable confidence. But we're not going to be installing confidence in you because you don't need it. We're a reawakening. So if you do suffer from unconfidence, this is the place to be because we've got toa dive into lots of stuff.

Being comfortable in your competence equals self confidence

But first I want to tell you a story because if I can do this, if I can change from what I'm gon to tell you, you bloody can too. You see, quite a long time ago I was an introvert. I still, I am m an introvert but I'm a confident introvert now. But I used to stumble over my words in front of three people. I wouldn't want to speak, I'd back away. Anything over three, you, ah, wouldn't see me for dust, you know, it'd be terrible, absolutely terrible. The heart would race. I'd be thinking about what I'm trying to say in the bad way and therefore I wasn't listening. I was seeing it in my mind of it going wrong. And it did and it felt bloody terrible. But then a little while later when I started my NLP trainings and we didn't work on this by the way, but it just, things seemed to just happen. I was talking to over 60 people in a room about how I modelled approaching a bloody horse because horses used to frighten me and I modelled from someone who liked horses how to approach a horse without being frightened. And it worked. But that aside, I spoke and I had notes and guess what? I put those notes down because I didn't need them and I talked to those 60 people just as they were with me. And that was quite awesome and I didn't realize it at the time how much had changed. Fast forward a few more years and you'd see me speaking about change work and doing change work demonstrations on a stage which I used to hate in front of 130, 150 people all in one go in this auditorium. There I am on the stage doing a demonstration with somebody showing how you to do change work just like this. It's awesome and I loved it. I would sit on that stage and tell stories to people, the whole auditorium tell stories about my dog and they're all lovely metaphors And I was just, wasn't overconfident. I was just comfortable. That's what it was, comfortable. Now if I can do that and I look back at that, and I say to myself, well, I could do anything, but that's slightly overconfident. But I can do anything if I set my mind to it. Which means preparing and doing, doing all the homework that you need to have to hone the skills and things like that. I had to know those demonstrations. I had to know how to do it, what to do and then have confidence in my competence. And that's what it comes down to. Being comfortable in yourself. Okay, so how do we build our confidence? My confidence? Your self. We call it self confidence because it is confidence in yourself. You know, overconfidence is just going toa do anything without even thinking, oh, I can do that. You know, come and fly a plane with me. I can fly. Well no, actually you can't. But if you've got the competence and you have the skill, then we find the confidence to use that skill. So that's where we're going in this dive down the rabbit hole of being comfortable, being comfortable in our competence. Because when you're comfortable in your competence, that equals self confidence. You're aligned. Lovely word, congruent. Yeah, that's where we're gonna go. We're gonna recognize. Recognize there as s a message in unconfidence. That fear, anxiety, panic attacks, everything like that. There's a message there somewhere, somewhere. And it has a purpose. It's coming from your unconscious mind, by the way. And that's where we're going to go. And we're going to be able to listen to that message. And when we listen to that message, we're going to change our state, change our emotional state. Because when we change our emotional state, we change our physiology. We change the pictures in our mind, we even change that little voice in our head. And that changes our behaviours. And that's what we want, isn't it? Because being unconfident is just restricting your behaviours. Restricting using the skills you've already got. And we want to change that behaviour. So being unconfidence, unconfident is just a behaviour. So if we change our emotions, our state, our physiology and the pictures which we have in our mind, and by the way, you only need to change one to change the other two. And that voice changes by itself anyway. We're going to change that behavior. That's where we're going. And we're going to let go of unconfident thoughts and we're going toa find a way to competence because you've got it anyway. You know, I always tell you, whatever you think you are, you're more than that. You just, we've just had something knock us away. And it's, it's just a message, just a behavior. And you can change behaviors in a moment.

Unconfidence is a direct conflict between your unconscious mind and your conscious mind

so let's have a think. Let's have a think. Sometimes we think unconfidence is random, but it's not. It isn't random. It has a purpose. It has what we call, in NLP terms, a positive intention. It's your unconscious mind trying to do something positive for you. And we talk about this so much, and this is the core of a lot of my work. It's your unconscious mind doing something that it found way back sometimes in your past. Well, it would be in your past something you didn't like for you. And it created this feeling of unconfidence. And therefore it stopped you doing things and it stopped you doing things. And go to the furthest degree and it stop you getting killed. That's do purple. But it did stop you getting hurt. Hurt, maybe physically hurt, maybe, emotionally, like being embarrassed, being guilty. But the thing is, and you can think of other, other, emotions that go with that, by the way. You know, you think about when you're feeling unconfident, what are the things, what feelings, what emotions do you have? If you were to put a label on them, what would they be? And it could be embarrassed, it could be guilt, it could be hurt, could be fear. Don't worry, we're going to go into that. But you see, when you see that, when you understand that your unconscious mind is protect you from these things. But how do you bloody feel when you're unconfident? Well, for me, when I was unconfident, I felt hurt, I felt embarrassed, I felt guilty. Guilty becausee I wasn't doing the stuff I wanted to do. That's where that guilt comes from for me anyway. And that means there's a direct conflict because I had the skills, but I wasn't showing them. But I was actually feeling the feelings, what my unconscious mind was trying to protect me from, from being hu, embarrassed, feeling guilty. And when I feel those feelings and I have the fear, maybe the panic, the anxiety that goes with it. And that's why this podcast is anxiety to confidence, because they're all inextricably. It's a lovely word again, they're linked. You see, it's not safe to be in those negative emotions and the behavioiors that come from them and the limiting beliefs that come along with them. You know, because I'm now embarrassed to fail. I'll never, I'm failing anyway. I feel like a failure because I'm not doing the stuff I want to do. And that's a direct conflict. And the thing is, we need to notice that conflict. And when I say we, I mean you and your unconscious mind and you starts consciously because we have to say, this is how I feel. And it's not a good feeling. It's not a safe feeling. Because when I'm like this, especially if I have some anxiety, I start to do things which are a bit weird. I’m not weird weird. But, you know, I don't do things that are maybe sensible, you good decisions, good choices, and I get those negative emotions. So we notice a conflict. There's a direct conflict of what your unconscious mind is trying to do for you, protect you from. And it's feeling the same way, getting you to feel the same way that it's trying to protect you from it. And, once your unconscious mind can recognize that, it's got to change. And this goes for every negative emotion, every negative belief or limiting belief and behavior that goes with it. When there's a direct conflict, your unconscious mind has got to go. It has a hr sys moment and he go do dous. It's got to find better ways. But he doesn't know better ways. He just knows this way sort of works. Or it did work a long time ago when you was a little icle boy or littleickleickle girl and you didn't have any wisdom, you didn't have any experience, and it did what it did and it just keeps doing the same thing over and over again, but more intense. So once we not notice a conflict, and it's pretty simple because, you know, this feeling doesn't feel good, does it? And if it doesn't feel good, your unconscious mind isn't protecting you because you should feel comfortable. Even when we stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zone for familiar zone, we're still pretty comfortable because we know we're going to use their skills. We also know that no one's go going toa die. We're going to just, you know, all we're doing is going to speak to a group of people. It's not too bad. All we're going toa do is maybe speak on a podcast. What we're going toa do is write something down and show it to people. Or we're going toa do some drawing artwork, we're going toa make music, we're going toa go and meet people. Not that big a deal. But it's got to be m. When it's not that big a deal, when you're comfortable with it because it's part of your life, then part of the richness of life. So we notice a conflict. So what we can do is. Okay, let's think about this. Now I know what my unconscious mind is trying to do for me, trying to protect me from and get that feeling. I want you to find what we call counterexamples, counter examples where you were confident. And when I say confident, I mean confident in a way that you successfully did something. Because if you were overconfident, you would have burnt and crashed and crashed and burn. Yeah. So it's not one of those times because sometimes when we're overconfident, that's when our unconscious mind goes woo. We're not going to let that happen again. Let's bring that unconfidence in to bring dial it down. But it dials it down too much. So we're going toa look for some counter examples. When you were skilled, when you were competent, when you are actually using the skills that you've learned to the level that you've got. So think back in the past. And the thing is, they do not need to be in the same context. They really don't. Because when you're confident, you're confident. When you're competent, you're competent because it has a wonderful positive belief that supports you being that way. So once you start to notice, just one at a time, by the way, don't think of all at once because it's too much of a generalization. I want you to be specific. Think of a time in the past when you were, competent, when you were confident in yourself and got a good result and you enjoyed it. It's got to be enjoyed it as well. Successful result and you enjoyed it. And just write them down, Please write them down and just down, I'd have to a whole page, just a few lines, maybe one or two lines to notice what it was and how you felt. And the thing is, when you write it down and know you're gonna say, oh, Paul, I don't want to write it down, but write it down because you're interpreting in a different way the pictures you make in your mind. So you're seeing your pictures, you're writing the words. You're checking the words to check that there as the picture you're describing. And it's really getting into your unconscious mind now because it's recreating that feeling because it will. It will recreate that feeling that you had. And you'll notice when you.

Think of another one that you successfully did

Well, I did enjoy that, actually, when I think about it, I was comfortable. Comfortable in being me? Yeah. Okay. There might be a little bit of nervousness because I was stretching myself, but I was still pretty comfortable about it. I was sort of confident I could do this because I had the skills to do it. I wasn't being overconfident because it was a successful completion and I did enjoy it. And then do another one. Think of another one, something else that you successfully did. Then another one. Maybe get three, maybe four. And notice as you think of each one of them, what was the belief I must have had about myself? And it'll be a very simple, subtle belief. Things like, I've got this, but I can do this. It's that type of belief, and it's not, I can do this. I think now I can do this. There is a real solid core belief there. I can do this. I've got this. And just notice that. Okay, so do that for me. Because then we're gonna move on to the how M. Yeah, the how. The how to listen and feel about what your unconscious mind is trying to do for you.

Think of a time when you were just curious to learn something

And to do this, we need to break a state, whatever state you're in. And I don't care what state you're in, because you're not in that unconfident mood at the moment, but you're just here with me. I want you to think. Just wait a minute. Stop for a moment, take a breath and pause. And then after that pause, I want you to think of a time in your life you were just curious to learn something. We've all had that. Oh, this book. This little book looks interesting. I'm curious. I'm gonna learn something from this. Look at a YouTube video or something that someone'stt you. Let's get that word right. Cloughie taught you because you were curious. Maybe a little bit excited, but pretty calm as well, I guess. Go back to that time now in your mind. If it's okay, just close your eyes. If it's okay to do that. And make sure it's totally, totally, totally safe to close your eyes. You can do it with your eyes open. But sometimes your distractions are there. Ah. So if you can just get. I going to take a minute. Close your eyes. Be safe. No driving, obviously. And if it's safe to do so, close your eyes and go back to that time. Go just back into that body of yours, back into that time, into that memory as if you were relive it now. See what you saw, hear what you heard and feel that feeling of curiosity. Calm. I maybe a little bit of excitement. Curiosity. And as you do that a get your thumb and a finger and squeeze it together and just say to yourself, I'm curious. I'm gonna learn. And then let those fingers go apart and then feel that feeling again. Make it more intense. And as it gets more intense, you squeeze that finger and thumb together. Yeah, I'm curious. I'm goingna learn. That's for the words you say. And you can do that for just every now and again as that feeling gets more intense, the same finger and thumb together. I'm curious. I'mnna learn something. And then open your eyes and come back into this wonderful life of ours. And when you squeeze that finger and thumb together again and say, I'm curious, I'm gonna learn. Can you feel that feeling come back again? Because we've just set an anchor and you've just fired an anchor. So we've got to keep that, that's in our back pocket. Okay. So I want you to keep practicising that. Go back to other times in the past when you've been curious and learn something. Go back in there, do the same process. And when you feel that feeling, same finger and thumb together. Mmm, I'm m curious. I'm going to learn something. So we're really just, we're stacking this anchor to make it so powerful of into curiosity. Put that in our back pocket. It's a metaphor, by the way. You don't have to put your hand in your back pocket.

What specifically are you unconfident in or about

And then I want you to think now let's go really specific. Specificity. Because I, know people go, well, I'm just an unconfident person. No, that's balls. You can stand on two feet. You're pretty confident standing on your two feet. You are pretty confident saying you're unconfident. So, you know, what specifically are you unconfident in or about? Really get specific. And really once you get well, you know, it was this. No, it's actually just meeting people because what's happened is it's generalized into other areas. So we've really got to come back to the one thing that you're Unconfident in. Why is that real specific thing? Take a bit of time. It will come. Because you're asking your unconscious mind, what is this but real specific thing? And there's no wrong answer. Because you can keep working on this. It's not cast in stone. And then when you get there and think this, what do you think might happen? Not will happen, because that's what you've been thinking before, what might happen. Because when you think of what might happen, you can actually look at it from a different perspective. Go, really? Will it really? And, maybe you want to think, m. Well, that could happen, I suppose, because some of the things we think about are so bonky, they would never ever happen in a month of Sundays. But you actually. I could get embarrassed. I could know, lose my words or forget to say something. Okay, yeah, that might happen. And say to your unconscious mind and your conscious mind, thank you. And, maybe start to begin to think now, well, what might be a better way for me? What might be a better way? So what would be a better way for me to maybe breathe, to think, to feel? What would be a good emotional state? You really with that anchor? I'm curious. I'm gonna learn something. You might want to fire that anchor off while you're doing this part of the process. Yeah. What might be a better way? Well, maybe I need to prepare something. Maybe I've got to just smile, take a breath. Maybe I've JUST got to be a little bit brave. And, maybe you think, well, actually, do I know somebody who's done it, who's someone I respect, who does the thing I'm looking at or wanting to do. What little changes? What's one of the smallest changes I can do? And you're starting to model to be like them in my way. And as you think of that one, you go, yeah, I could do that. Could do that. What other little thing could you do? Like them or like that way you think is a better way? Think of those small, little, little changes you do, because each small change builds on the one before it expands in a wonderful way. You see? Always look for that small change. It just works. And you're doing it with a wonderful positive intention now, because you want to keep safe, don't you? Of course you do. So you're saying to your unconscious mind, you know, I was safe in those other ways, those counter examples. Now we're curious. What could we use? Think about those counterexamples of what skills you use, then, what emotions you use, then get that belief I can do this.

Just be comfortable. Talking about comfortable. I think it's called being comfortable

Just be comfortable. Now I, talk about comfortable. Talking about comfortable. The very first longer podcast I ever did. I'm going to have a look how long ago it was. But it's called being comfortable. I think it's called being comfortable. And it's hash two one and it's with panic and fear, panic attacks. Now that would be a great primer because if you have got a little bit of, a little bit concern over this because obviously we're a little bit, maybe a little bit unconfident in doing what you're doing, this would help because you'd actually do some of this and you'd find out the better ways. And there's a great hypnosis track that goes with it. That's hashtag2.1. So it's #2 being comfortable. # 2.1, which was the hypnosis track. You get that from Paolclufonline.com podcast. It is completely complimentary. There's no charge, there's no credit cards, there's no nothing. It's just yours. So, go to porclugfonline.com podcast, get your personal link and look for that one. It'll be right down the bottom because it's the very first one. I'm going to re record it sometime. I, get a bit more quality to it. But it, I'll say that again. Get a bit more quality to it, but it's such a great process. I love it.

Rekindle your own personal confidence with small steps

Okay, so let's move to the letting go. See, we've learned, how to I change our state, that little pattern interrupt, you know, to get into comfort and curiosity. Find anchor again. Just feel it again. Get curious of what I'm go going to say next because you're going to learn something. And you see, I want you to start growing and rekindling. I call it rekindling in self esteem. But it's rekindling this confidence again. Your own personal confidence. I call it supreme inner confidence because it's inner confidence. It's not overconfidence outside. It's supreme inner confidence inside. It's the confidence you have in you. And I want you to start growing that. And how do you do that? We get small wins. We said before, make small steps. And what could those small steps be? Well, visualize them. Visualize an area in life that you'd like to be more confident in. Just a small one. Notice what it is. See it. Notice yourself over there. Maybe float into it. Feel it Notice exactly all about it. And, and think, well, what skill would I like? What's a small step? Maybe I have to learn something. What will I have to learn to do that? Because sometimes we need those skills to be competent. You see, take my example. Right at the beginning, I could not have done those demonstrations, up there. I couldn't have done it in front of 100 odd, people, 150 people, because I didn't have the skill to do the demonstration. But once I've learned those skills, I was competent and then I was confident in my competence. And it just grew bit by bit ca because I didn't do it from 0 to 150, I did it 1 to 1, 1 to 2, 1 15, 1 to 30, 1 to 60. I just built up, it just worked. And, I kept doing it, reinforcing it. So think about what those small steps are, what skills you need to lead. Because if it's learn, rather if you want to do something, it's always something to learn that you can learn. Because remember, the past does not equal the future. You're not driving, looking through the mirror that looks through the real window. Do you're looking forward. You can learn from the past. Absolutely. So what do I need to learn from times when I've been unconfident? How they're the type of things you know what to change. So what can you learn? Who can I model? Maybe I just act as. As if. Maybe. And here's a kicker. If you just act as if you are competent and access only the skills that you've got, you can't go wrong. So act as if you can be comfortable and competent. And there's a hypno there as well for acting as if. So go to that porclothfonline.com podcast and look for act as if. There's a hypnosis process for that too. Just to get your unconscious mind and your conscious mind used to acting as if it's just modeling, but it's acting as if in your style, in you. And the thing is, it's all about preparation, isn't it? Think about what you want. Get that intention. What do you want? See it. So it's a bit like this rehearsal. See it rehears in your mind.

Listening to your unconscious mind dividends how you live your life

What skills would you need? Have you got them? Because if you haven't got them, go learn them. If you have got them, see yourself doing them. Because all we're doing is rekindling, rebuilding, as it were, the confidence you have. Think about it, how it Felt in those counter examples and add that to it too. And there's a simple thing you can say, and I'm not gonna swear, but you can just say, effort, effort. I'm just gonna do this ca because I've now got the skills. Trust in you. Just trust m. So here we are. Let's just remember a few you. You and your unconscious mind, they'part. Your partners. Your partners forever. Your best friends forever. And this, what we've been talking about is just a process of acknowledging, of thanks, thanking your unconscious mind for doing what it does for you. Listening. Listening with all your senses. Not just for the internal voice, but the things that you see in your mind. Maybe memories pop up, words pop up. Listen with all your senses. Maybe a memory will come and help you. Because when you do that, when, when you listen like that, it dividends how you live your listening to your unconscious mind. Connecting. And why not? Here's like a closing suggestion, sort of closing suggestion because I've got another closing suggestion after this. Why not? At the end of the day, just note to yourself what you enjoyed in life that day. What were you competent in? What were you really comfortable in doing? And see how they link together. Because when you're comfortable and you're competent, that's a feeling of confident. And maybe as you think of what you've done in the day, that you felt confident, not overconfident, confident, competent, comfortable, you could ask inside, well, I wonder where else can I excel? Where else? And what else can I learn and enjoy? It's all about enjoyment, isn't it? It's all about joy. Just when you ask that question and go to sleep at the end of the day, your unconscious mind will work on, work on that. And when you wake up in the morning, you might just get that intuition, oh, here's something. And richness in life just carries on.

Paul Clough: Personal Development Unplug really does work. Really does work

So let's just close completely now. I think we've been going on long enough. Let's just close and know that like me, things will and have got better and better every day. Because they will. Because you put your intention of being more confident, more comfortable, more competent to learn. You put your intent and put your effort into that, your energy into that focus on what you want and how you're going to get there. Boom. That partnership of your unconscious and conscious alignment, that congruency, well, it'll give. It just comes back in everything, 10x hundred x. And you'll notice as you look back, week by week, month by month, how different your life has been, how your life is changing for the better. I, hope you enjoyed all of this and I hope there's something in here that, that you could share to others, because when you share to others, it gives you another sense of your learning, another sense of the things and the skills that you got. Really does work. Obviously, if you can share the episode, the personal Development Unplug podcast, that will do even more. Get them to subscribe, because you've subscribed, because subscriptions and the following really make so much difference. It gets this message and the things we're sharing together out to more people. And that's got to be a good thing, isn't it? And if there's something that I didn't cover or there's something that sprung to mind and you think, oh, there's something I need, email me [email protected]. i know you want to. And you could even think, well, what would happen if I did? What would I learn when I get Cloughie’s email back again? Hey, there you go. Have more fun than you can stand and enjoy it. I'll see you next time. I'll hear you next time. I'll be in your mind next time. You can come into my mind because I don't mind. Fly warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Personal Development Unplugged.

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]