Nov 11 2021 33 mins 1
This is the second season Of Course, They Make Me Crazy! April is so excited to have wellbeing strategist and passionate mental health advocate Michelle E. Dickinson.
Michelle is a TEDx Speaker and a published author. She is also doing great work by partnering with different company leaders to bring them a psychological resilience program that she created. But April first wants to talk about why other people’s well-being is so important to Michelle.
It comes from Michelle being a caregiver to her bipolar mother. That is also what her memoir entitled “Breaking Into My Life” is about.
April asks, “please tell us about your early life with your mom.”
Michelle starts by saying, “Life was this strain. And maybe her past trauma caused my mom to start exhibiting signs of bipolar disorder. I guess at the age of four and on, I remember her starting to be manic. She would sit on the couch crying for hours. It was a bit of a roller coaster for me. As you might know as a child, the one thing we need is consistency and predictability and routine. And my mom was anything but consistent. I never knew the mother I would come home to. Some days she would be in a good mood. Some days she would be angry with me, and I didn't know why. But that shaped me because it taught me compassion. It also taught me firsthand what it's like to love someone and how punishing it can be to love someone with a mental illness. How we put our own needs on the back burner so that we can do whatever we can to keep peace in the home. And that was my life. That was my childhood, my young adult life, and even my adult life just trying to do what I can to help her.”
Michelle continued to explain after telling her story on the TEDx Stage she realized that something beautiful happens when telling your story. That is what led her to write her memoir.
April asks, “How was living at home with her?”
Michelle responded by saying, “It was our job to keep peace in the home, walk on eggshells, not to get her upset, not create a nervous breakdown, to do whatever we needed to try to keep peace in the home. So, my needs would go by the wayside. And then I hit those rebellious teen years and that was a whole other can of worms.”
Michelle said her mom was emotionally and physically abusive to her. She harbored a lot of anger and resentment until she started working on herself.
She went through clinical therapy and a lot of self-discovery work through Tony Robbins and Landmark.
Michelle says, “I was able to reach a place of forgiveness and compassion. To try to step into what life would have been like for her to try to raise a daughter and navigate a mental illness. In the back of my book, there's an epilogue about how ultimately all of this now serves me in the work I do. But I couldn't see it for the longest time because I was so focused on the effects that her mental illness and her behavior was having on me. When you focus on the effects of that, there's no space for compassion or to try to understand what life is like for her.”
April added to what Michelle just explained.
April said, “Later in life I realized that my mom who was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder did the best that she was able to do at that time. She was doing the best that she was able to do at that moment. What they do has nothing to do with us even though it feels like it.”
April shared a story about how she drove 14 hours from Memphis, Tennessee to Cleveland, Ohio after working all week because her mom called her crying about how lonely she was. And when April arrived her mom slept the entire. She only woke up to say goodbye.
Michelle explained that story resonated with her because her mom did the same thing, “Like, she would call me crying that she missed me, she didn't get to see me. And when was I going to give her grandchildren. Oh My God, the layers and layers of guilt that she would just lather on me. She lived 2 hours away from me. I would cry the whole way home because no matter what I would give her it was never enough. I was so depleted at the end going and thought I cannot give anymore.”
Michelle’s therapist told her she had to create boundaries. And, that if she didn’t, she was going to lose her own mental health over trying to keep her mom happy.
Doing that was very scary for Michelle.
She says, “I knew that I had to put some boundaries in place, even though the repercussions of those boundaries were not going to be pretty, my mom was not going to be happy with me. I did it, and it was the best thing I could have done. And I recommend that to people all the time. If they love someone with a mental illness, you have got to take care of yourself.”
April asks, “Did your mom and your father stay together? How did he deal with this? The reason I asked is because I thought about my father when you were talking about being able to detach and set boundaries. I was able to step away from my mom more than my father could.”
Michelle says, “My dad was amazing. He went through threw so much turbulence. So many ups and downs. There were so many times my mother was hospitalized. He would drive her there and never left her side. He was such a good man, never once left her, was always there to support her. And he worked a lot. He provided for her. He was loyal to her. I don't necessarily think he was very knowledgeable in her illness because I have memory of him saying “just snap out of it.” We all know they can't just snap out of it. But I think that she was blessed to have him in her life.”
She says her dad met and married a nice woman after her mother passed away.
April asked, “How did you take your mom’s death?”
Michelle said, “I don't know, it was one of those moments that was bittersweet. She was so good at manipulating me and controlling me. And here at that point, I was married and living away from her, and she still controlled me and still manipulated me. So, I had this little moment where I was like, she's no longer going to be able to do that to me anymore. Oh, my goodness! I was so guilty. I was like, are you seriously happy that she's no longer here? And I wasn't. Of course, I lost my mother. But at the same time, I gained a sense of freedom and vitality to live my life without guilt. And without all that pain. I worried about her. I was always so worried about her. But, yeah, it was hard. It was hard, and it was mixed emotions.”
April said, “When my mother passed, I was the same way. I felt that she was at peace, and then we could be too.”
Before wrapping up the interview, April asked Michelle to talk about the Resilience Program she developed for companies and their employees after Covid. Forbes reported that 69% of employees are experiencing burnout symptoms while working from home.
Michele’s program helps company leaders through the mental exhaustion.
Michelle says, “There's a lot that has gone on over the course of this pandemic. And a lot of people are just experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Something like 42% of the global workforce has experienced a decline in their mental health since the beginning of the pandemic. The clients I was working with were asking me about resilience. They were like, help us help our people and stay healthy, to preserve their mental health. What can they do? And that was when my resilience program was born. Company leaders and HR can now safely have conversations with their people if they sense that they're struggling.”
You can also find out more information about Michelle and her programs on www.careforyouryourpeople.com
As always … please don’t hesitate to reach out to April! Dm on Instagram @ofcoursetheymakemecrazy
And, if you are caring for someone with a severe mental illness too, April has put together a quick Sanity Saving Guide for you! It's a few things that's helped her through tough situations.
Click the link to get your Sanity Saving Tips! https://theymakemecrazy.club/Guide
Please feel free to reach out to either of us!
Michelle E. Dickinson www.careforyourpeople.com
April Norris www.ofcoursetheymakemecrazy.com
LOVE, APRIL
