Of Course.. They Make Me Crazy!

Ok, I’m going to share 4 Sanity Savings Tips for the Holidays, so you don’t lose your shit while trying to juggle buying presents while working, getting dinner prepared, and caring for your loved one with a mental illness!

For many of us, we’re excited about the holidays and the new year celebrations. A lot of you will be getting all gussied up to go to parties or have people over because we couldn’t really do that last year with covid.

But it can also be a tricky too, right? You’re cringing thinking, “Uncle Freaky Fred is coming over. God, he’s gross. I know he’s going to get drunk and say stupid shit. But I’m excited to hang with all my cousins.” Whatever your thought process is.

My name is April Norris.  I created the  podcast Of Course, They Make Me Crazy! It’s for those who love someone with a mental illness.

This time of year can be tricky for all of us.  There’s a lot of emotions floating around like pretty little snowflakes. But those snowflakes can turn into a blizzard – a shit storm.  

The holiday hustle and bustle can trigger those living with bipolar, schizophrenia and depression.

Many of you already know that I grew up with a bipolar mom addicted to pain pills.

She loved Christmas when I was younger. She would put the tree up early. It was decorated like something you would see in the Christmas Hallmark movies. All of us kids had to have the same number of gifts to open, and our presents looked like they were professionally wrapped. She beamed while baking and decorating Christmas cookies with us.

Then as she got sicker, her holiday sparkle dulled. Our full family tree was replaced with a tiny one because she didn’t have the energy to decorate anymore.  The worst part is she would become manic anticipating all of us coming home for the holidays. She wouldn’t sleep for days leading up to our arrival.

When we all got there, she would crash. One year she locked herself upstairs in a bedroom and didn’t come out at all, expect to kiss us goodbye. My brother and I came in from out of state. My dad had to take her up a plate of food. It was like feeding a bear, he placed the plate down and quickly closed the door so he wouldn’t get growled at.

It was confusing because I would have conversations with her on the phone prior thinking, “Mom sounds great. She’s alert and seems excited to see us. She might just have her Christmas spirit back this year.”

I always held onto hope.

To make matters worse because her nerves were on edge, she took more medication thinking that would help. And, that issue became a fight between her and my dad. Merry F-ing Christmas!

A National Alliance on Mental Illness  study shows 64% of people with a mental illness report holidays make their condition worse. 1 in 25 Americans lives with a serious mental illness.  That means there is added stress for all their family and friends. Their caregivers need support too! 

 

 

So, lets dive into these tips with jingle bells on!

1. Reminder, they don’t intend to hurt you even though it feels like it.

We all have emotions, but theirs are on another spectrum. Did my mom NOT come out of the bedroom because she hates her kids and wanted us to feel unloved? No.  We should remind ourselves that they’re experiencing extreme mood disorders. They’re struggling more with themselves than they are with you. They live in fear … so do we because we worry about them. They have  a lot of feelings around guilt, shame, and hopelessness. It’s not easy for any of us. Apply that old saying that works so well in this scenario… hurt people hurt people.    

2. Be careful who comes around and set boundaries. Yes, even if they’re family.

This is a tough one. My grandma was my mom’s best friend. My grandma died 6 years ago. My mom died a year after her. I believe my mom couldn’t live without my grandma. But they were double trouble especially during the holidays. My grandma would come and stay for like a week. Great, right? What’s not to love about grandma coming? Well, Mom knew grandma had the goods. She had the good pills. When grandma was sleeping my mom would take them. It became a thing. Setting boundaries took years. Finally, to my dad’s credit, he put his foot down only letting grandma stay a night or two. That didn’t go over without a fight at first, but things settled, and it was the right thing to do.  Careful who comes around and set boundaries no matter how hard it is.  

 

3. It’s not what happens but how you respond!

 

There’s probably a lot of deep breathing going on but not the fun/sexy kind.  There are so many times we wish we could hurt them back, right? But where would that get any of us? Into a big blow out fight dodging Christmas tree balls or worse those plastic icicles. Dr. Casey Delmara the Mental Health Hacker who I’ve had on my podcast says we have our response and a responsibility. She explained the word responsibility being broken down into two things. We can choose our own response. And we can choose our own response to how they are affecting us. Don’t fan the flames no matter how heated you are… things will cool off quicker if you’re being responsible with your response.

 

4. Stop feeling guilty! Their illness is not your fault.

I  recently joined a bipolar family support group on Facebook.  A woman posted something I thought was perfect and to the point. She called it the four C’s – I can’t control it, I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it. All I can do is cope with it.   

 

If you have a story and insight to share on this subject, please reach out to me! I would love to connect. You can email me at ofoursetheymakemecrazy.com. Or, DM on Instagram @ofcoursetheymakemecrazy

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