Coach Lee

What to Do When You're Scared Your Ex Won't Reach Out

If you’re going through a breakup, it’s completely natural to feel anxious and worried about whether your ex will reach out. This is something I hear a lot from people, and it's a tough spot to be in. So, let’s talk about what might be causing this fear, and what you can do about it.

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

1. Recognize the Root of Your Fear

One of the main reasons people fear their ex won’t reach out is because they don’t feel like they’re enough. You might be questioning your attractiveness, the emotional connection you shared, or your overall value in the relationship. It’s easy to fall into this trap, especially after a breakup blindsides you.

But here’s the thing: if your relationship had some solid, happy moments, where everything just clicked and felt effortless, then you were enough. Your ex was happy with you at some point, which means you have what it takes to reattach them. A breakup often comes down to someone taking another person for granted, and that's where the power of no contact comes into play. By removing your presence from their life, you’re reminding them of your value, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

2. Understand How Anxiety Affects Your Patience

Anxiety and impatience go hand in hand, and I see this all the time. The waiting game is by far the hardest part of no contact. The anxiety you’re feeling can make a few days of silence feel like an eternity. It’s like time slows down when you’re waiting for that text or call, and every passing hour feels like a reminder of your fear that they might never reach out.

Here’s what I want you to consider: if I told you right now that your ex would definitely reach out in three months, how would you feel? You’d probably relax a bit, right? The waiting wouldn’t seem so unbearable because you’d have a sense of certainty. Now, while I can’t guarantee that they will reach out, this exercise helps put things into perspective. Three months isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things. The anxiety you’re feeling is what’s making it feel endless, but you have to remember that time is on your side. No contact works best when you give it the time it needs to work.

3. Don’t Forget Past Breakups

Think back to past relationships. Most of us have gone through a breakup or two that felt like the end of the world at the time. You probably thought the pain would last forever, but eventually, you moved on, right? You found someone else to love, and you were able to experience those feelings all over again.

This is important because it reminds you that you’re stronger than you think. Even if your ex doesn’t come back, you’ve been through this before, and you’ll survive it again. I’m not saying you should start thinking about moving on just yet, but it’s helpful to remember that you’ve handled heartache before and come out on the other side.

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit

4. No Contact Feels Like Letting Go, But It's Not

No contact can feel like you’re giving up, like you’re letting your ex slip away and there’s nothing you can do about it. It feels like you’re relinquishing control. But here’s the twist: no contact is actually you taking control. You’re choosing to step back and see if your absence makes a difference. You’re betting on yourself and your worth.

Think about all the things in life that you can’t control. Your car’s brakes, the weather, global events—there’s so much that’s out of your hands. But with no contact, you’re making a conscious decision to let your ex feel the consequences of their actions. If they don’t miss you, then that tells you something important about their level of commitment and love. And if they do miss you, then you’re giving them the space to realize it on their own.

5. Shock Causes Doubt, But No Contact Gives You Clarity

Breakups are shocking, especially when you didn’t see it coming. That shock can shake your sense of reality and make you question everything. It’s natural to feel doubtful and scared that they won’t reach out. But remember, no contact is designed to help both of you find clarity.

In the early days after a breakup, your ex is likely to go through a relief stage, where they feel free and unburdened. But as time passes, and they don’t hear from you, they move into the curiosity stage. They start to wonder why you haven’t reached out, and that’s where things can start to shift. They may move into a stage of concern, where your silence feels like rejection to them.

This is where no contact really shows its power. By not reaching out, you’re allowing your ex to experience the full impact of the breakup. They’re forced to deal with the consequences, and that often leads them to reconsider their decision.

Conclusion: Trust the Process

No contact isn’t just about giving your ex space; it’s about giving you the best chance at getting them back. It’s about stepping back, taking control, and allowing the natural process of missing someone to take its course. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s scary. But it’s also the best strategy you have.

So, trust the process. Remember that you are enough, that anxiety is warping your sense of time, and that no contact is you taking control of the situation. Your ex may not reach out right away, but if the relationship was solid, and if they truly loved you, no contact can help them realize what they’ve lost. And even if they don’t reach out, you’ll know that you did everything you could, and you’ll be stronger for it.

If you need more guidance, consider looking into resources like my emergency breakup kit, which is designed to help you navigate these tough waters. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and there’s a path forward, no matter what happens.

Get Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit at https://MyExBackCoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit