In today’s video, I’m going to talk about dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy.
Read or watch below to discover how dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy can impact relationships and discover tips to overcome these challenges.
Zachary Stockill: Here’s a comment I regularly receive from viewers of my channel and readers of my blog:
“Zach, I’m struggling with retroactive jealousy because my partner had a lot of sexual experiences in their past, and now I’m finding it hard to deal with because we don’t have much of a sex life today…”
“What is the connection between dead bedrooms and retroactive jealousy?”
In today’s video, I’ll try to answer that question.
My name is Zachary Stockill, and since 2013, I’ve been helping men and women from around the world overcome retroactive jealousy and strengthen their relationships.
If you’d like to work with me one-on-one or learn more about my work, please visit this link.
For those of you who are here for the first time, retroactive jealousy refers to having intrusive thoughts, often obsessive curiosity, and what I call ‘mental movies’ about a partner’s past relationships or sexual history.
You might experience all of these symptoms or just one. Generally speaking, we still refer to this as retroactive jealousy.
Many people struggling with retroactive jealousy are fixated on the fact that their partner had an active sex life in the past, while things are less exciting now—they’re experiencing a less frequent sex life.
The first thing I would say is that, of course, I understand.
I can completely understand being in a relationship and feeling hurt, wounded, jealous, or even angry that your partner may have had a very active sex life when they were single or in a past relationship… and now, it feels like their attraction and desire are lacking.
Although I haven’t experienced this personally, I can put myself in someone else’s shoes and see how it would be frustrating and hurtful.
The main thing I would say is to remember that life is made up of different seasons.
I don’t say this to suggest that you should simply accept that this is a season in your partner’s life where you won’t have any sex. I’m not necessarily saying you should do that.
But as we all know, desire can rise and fall over time, especially as we move into our later adult years with more and more stress.
There are kids, mortgages, and bills that need to be paid. Sometimes, there are physical issues as well.
So keep in mind that you might be taking your partner’s lack of desire personally, and maybe, to some extent, it is about you—which we’ll discuss in a moment—but it’s likely not entirely about you.
Don’t make it all about yourself, because it almost certainly isn’t.
That being said, it can be helpful to reflect on what you’re contributing to create an environment that might boost y...
