Jan 27 2025 44 mins
Everything I learned about healthy relating, connecting & dealing with conflict originated with a whole lot of work in my family of creation.
I did not come by it naturally. I wasn’t taught it as a child. Building healthy relationships in my family-of-creation has been my adult journey.
Because I came from a high-conflict home, I did not have healthy connection skills. Naturally, I didn’t know how to build healthy relationships in my homeschool family.
30 to 40 years ago – –
- I learned to defend myself by being angry, withdrawing, or fleeing.
- And I learned not to trust, even if I consciously wanted to.
- I learned it wasn’t safe to be the real me.
Because I was unaccustomed to being seen, heard, or understood, I certainly didn’t know how to give that beautiful gift to others.
When I learned about self-soothing, life & relationships began to change.
Here’s what I’ve learned about “average” family dynamics:
- Every family and every relationship has conflict.
- Relationships are a dance between two people, each trying to honor their true sense of self and the other’s.
- Disappointment and frustration are inevitable; no human can prevent them completely.
- Healthy, satisfying relationships are built on being seen, heard, and understood—and they take work.
- As a dear counselor and friend once told me, “Relationships are living, breathing organisms that need continual feeding and nurturing.”
This nurturing includes our relationship with ourselves. How we treat others reflects how we treat ourselves.
Recently, I shared that I was looking forward to one of my daughters coming home, reminiscing about the simpler times when they were younger and less adept at handling conflict. Not because I wanted conflict, but because I anticipated it.
When she returned home, I didn’t see the conflict I expected. My children have learned to engage with each other, to see, hear, and understand one another enough to have a whole lot less conflict.
Ultimately, my goal is to see, hear, and understand those within my family. Perfectly imperfectly, of course! Yet, I see the fruits of this effort in how my children relate to each other.
For all you homeschooling moms out there, know that it’s possible to create a harmonious family atmosphere, even if it feels like an uphill battle in seasons.
It’s about being intentional, nurturing relationships continually, and starting with yourself.
If your goal is to help build healthy relationships in your homeschool, consider incorporating a few of these tools, strategies, or mindset shifts.
Tools and Strategies to Help You…
1. Active Listening Exercises:
Practice active listening techniques, such as repeating back what someone has said to ensure understanding and validating their feelings.
If you want to learn how I taught my kids these basics, read this.
Also, if you want to learn one approach that taught me how to incorporate it, check this out.
And this is the book that taught me about it.
2. Conflict Resolution Techniques:
Teach and use “I” statements (i.e. “I feel upset when…”), and work together to find mutually beneficial solutions.
And when you don’t remember to do this before you angrily jump into accusation or shaming, ask if you can do a Redo instead (i.e. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Can we do a Redo?)
3. Emotion Regulation Skills:
Emotion regulation starts with you. My journaling workbook, included in the Foundations of Homeschool Mom Fulfillment course, is a guided resource to help you process big emotions, identify triggers, and find grounding techniques that work for your unique family.
Include self-soothing techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling to manage big emotions.
Want to explore mindfulness and journaling as tools for emotional regulation? My journaling workbook offers prompts that help you reflect, reset, and build emotional resilience. It’s also part of my boundary-building coaching course for homeschool moms.
Build Boundaries in Your Homeschool (& Life) Journaling Workbook
Build Boundaries in Your Homeschool (& Life) Journaling Workbook
Ready to homeschool with purpose and confidence? This workbook guides you through setting boundaries that bring clarity, reduce overwhelm, and align your homeschool with your authentic self. Discover how to reclaim your time, improve relationships, and confidently advocate for yourself—creating a life and homeschool that truly reflects your values. Filled with journaling prompts and practical exercises, this workbook empowers you to establish boundaries that nurture both your family’s needs and your own well-being.
4. Consistent Routines:
Establish consistent daily routines to provide a feeling of stability and predictability. (Flawless routines aren’t required here, just predictable and expected routines).
Additional ideas for building healthy relationships in your homeschool…
5. Positive Reinforcement:
Use positive reinforcement to show your kids that you noticed how they showed up positively. Everyone wants encouragement occasionally (& everyone wants to know they’re seen in their shining moments).
6. Eyeball to Eyeball Time:
Engage in regular family bonding activities like game nights, outdoor adventures, or creative projects. Or just sit down once a week with each child and listen to their stories of Lego builds, the dream they had last night, how they built that rock animal, or anything at all that is important to them.
7. Modeling Healthy Behavior:
I know it’s not possible to do this flawlessly because you’re human FYI.
And don’t waste your time or energy self-shaming if you made a tiny (or giant) mistake!
However, if you see particular behaviours on repeat, know that this is a sign that you need to create a plan to address your challenges with or without outside assistance.
Our goal is to demonstrate healthy behaviors and communication skills in your interactions with others.
Feeling overwhelmed by repetitive challenges in your family dynamics? The Building Boundaries for Homeschool Mama course offers practical strategies to identify root issues, set loving but firm boundaries, and realign with your values for a healthier homeschool atmosphere.
Building Boundaries for Homeschool Mama Coaching Course
Begin a transformative journey with the self-directed course, “Foundations of Homeschool Mom Fulfillment: Building Boundaries for the Homeschool Mama.” Tailored for homeschool mamas seeking fulfillment, stronger relationships, and intentional living, this course empowers you to clarify your needs, navigate relationship challenges, and rediscover your identity. With practical tools and actionable steps, this course is designed to address boundary challenges, foster stronger connections, and guide you toward becoming a more intentional and fulfilled version of yourself.
8. Focus in on Just one Important Resources:
Make use of resources such as books, podcasts, or workshops on parenting and relationship-building.
I’ve got two reading lists that you may find beneficial too:
- The Homeschool Mama Reading List
- The Homeschool Mama Personal Growth List
- Building your Boundaries Reading List
Book a no-obligation conversation with me to learn where to begin.
Mindset Shifts for Building Healthy Relationships in your Homeschool…
1. Embrace Imperfection:
Accept that no family is perfect, and strive for progress rather than perfection in your relationships.
2. Cultivate Empathy:
Foster a mindset of empathy by putting yourself in your children’s shoes and understanding their perspectives.
Everyone is trying to do their very best.
Ready to reimagine your homeschool journey? My free mini-course is your first step toward building confidence, cultivating empathy, and adopting a mindset that supports connection over correction.
3. Focus on Connection Over Correction:
This was such a foreign concept for me as no one was trying to connect; moralizing over every action was the prime importance.
Rather, focus your priorities on building a strong, loving connection with your kids over constantly correcting their behavior.
4. Stay Present as Much as Possible:
Practice being fully present in the moment, giving your full attention to your children and your interactions.
You won’t always be able to since you’re engaging them 24/7 as a homeschool mom, but make sure that you set aside time to do it intentionally: they need eyeball-to-eyeball time.
5. Celebrate Small Wins:
Recognize and celebrate small victories and improvements in your family dynamics.
6. Adopt a Growth Mindset:
View challenges and conflicts as opportunities for growth and learning for both you and your children.
I believe that’s why we’re here: to grow. (I haven’t seen anyone not called to a growth journey yet)!
So determine to accept that growth journey.
7. Practice Patience and Compassion toward Yourself:
Be kind to yourself and your children, showing compassion and understanding during difficult moments.
8. Encourage Independence & Autonomy:
When you encourage your kids to express their needs and feelings, it fosters independence and self-advocacy.
I know I found this challenging because kids don’t always express their needs and feelings in low-emotion ways –and coming from a high-emotion, unpredictable family of origin, I felt threatened when emotions ran high. (Truthfully, I still do at times).
(And young kids often have high emotions and are unpredictable: I’m sure you know that;)
But your goal is to listen to them: see, hear, and understand them just as you wanted to be seen, heard, and understood too.
9. Set Realistic Expectations (for yourself and the kids):
So set realistic expectations for yourself and your children, understanding that growth and change take time.
Learn more about unrealistic expectations here. (ps I’m the Queen of Unrealistic Expectations, so I can share a whole lot!)
Building healthy relationships in your homeschool family involves practical tools like active listening exercises and intention. Embracing mindset shifts such as cultivating empathy, focusing on connection over correction, and adopting a growth mindset fosters a supportive atmosphere.
With intention and repeated effort, you can create a more harmonious homeschool family where everyone can feel seen, heard, and understood. You got this, girlfriend! xx Teresa
Build Boundaries in Your Homeschool (& Life) Journaling Workbook
Build Boundaries in Your Homeschool (& Life) Journaling Workbook
Ready to homeschool with purpose and confidence? This workbook guides you through setting boundaries that bring clarity, reduce overwhelm, and align your homeschool with your authentic self. Discover how to reclaim your time, improve relationships, and confidently advocate for yourself—creating a life and homeschool that truly reflects your values. Filled with journaling prompts and practical exercises, this workbook empowers you to establish boundaries that nurture both your family’s needs and your own well-being.
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Teresa Wiedrick
I help overwhelmed homeschool mamas shed what’s not working in their homeschool & life, so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.
The post How I Learned to Build Healthy Relationships in My Homeschool Family (And How You Can Too) appeared first on Capturing the Charmed Life.