Sep 28 2023 58 mins
Poppy’s story feels incredibly important to tell and I am really grateful that she has entrusted us with it. In the UK today, it is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth (source) yet, loss is usually only talked about behind closed doors. Poppy has been strong enough to share her story which includes giving birth to Daphne, her second baby, who was still born at 35 weeks. In speaking about the hardest days of her life, I know that Poppy will help other mothers who have lost babies feel less alone and she also shares valuable resources that can help any mothers out there who are dealing with grief. When you lose a baby, they are still your baby, they are a part of you forever and they never leave you. We hope that by giving Daphne’s story a home, it in some very tiny way lets her live on. TRIGGER WARNING We talk about a lot, including loss and still birth:
A beautiful, straight forward first pregnancy
Wanting the picture perfect dreamy natural birth
Underestimating the pain involved in labour
The influence of the prep course you choose to go on
Fundamentally disagreeing with the idea that “You’ve failed” if you’ve not had the fairy lights, birth pool, no pain medication birth
The fear of going into the unknown and not knowing how far the pain will go
Settling into the rhythm of contractions and working out the best positions and coping methods over the hours of labour
A practical partner getting you through the many wobbles of “I can’t do this”
Oxytocin drip to advance labour
Sleeping in between contractions
Sickness with pethadin injection
Asking for an epidural, too late
The perfect first hour holding your new baby
New and unexpected depths of love
A wonderful surprise at being pregnant again
Secret “lockdown” pregnancy
Noticing at 34weeks that baby isn't kicking
“I’m sorry”
Realising your baby no longer has a heartbeat
Being sent home to wait for a phone call, knowing your baby is dead inside you
A weirdly “normal” labour in a bereavement suite
Into surgery to remove the placenta
Cuddle cots and memory boxes
Wonderfully compassionate bereavement midwives
Follow up support and care at hospital
The grief pool
Feeling like a new mother, without a baby
I need a baby
Getting pregnant again quickly
The daily and constant anxiety having lost one baby
Maternity leave after a still birth
The innocence of life being infallible, taken away
A beautiful, quick third birth
A day in family life today
A hilarious encounter with a tower of scotch eggs
The people and organisations who have helped manage grief and their loss
Advice for mothers who have lost babies, from someone who is living it too