Suicide

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript

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Life in Spite of Me

Day 2 of 3

Guest: Kristen Jane Anderson

From the Series: A Flicker of Hope

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Bob: When she was 17 years old, Kristen Jane Anderson sought to end her life by lying across a railroad track as the train was approaching. Miraculously, she survived; although her legs were severed. She was soon to realize that God had a purpose for her life.

Kristen: Three months after I lost my legs, I was out of the hospital. We went back to church that Sunday. A woman came up to me who had heard about what happened to me. She told me that I would have gone to hell if I died. It was very difficult at the time, but I am very grateful that she was that bold at the time because it helped me see my need for Him. It helped me think about where I would have gone eternally. “If I had died, where would I go?” I had never thought about it more than at that time in my life.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, September 9th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I’m Bob Lepine. Kristen Jane Anderson joins us today to share a story of beauty from ashes and redemption from tragedy.

Welcome to FamilyLife Today; thanks for joining us. I have read the statistics about teenage suicide, about teens who overdose on a handful of pills from the medicine cabinet or who do violence to themselves in some way to take their own lives.

Dennis: Right.

Bob: I don’t know that I have ever heard a story like the one we are hearing this week.

Dennis: Yes. We have a guest with us this week who is willing to tell a profound story, quite a drama. Kristen Jane Anderson joins us on FamilyLife Today. Welcome back.

Kristen: Thank you.

Dennis: Kristen, you have written a book called Life, In Spite of Me. As our listeners heard earlier, that really is an understatement. A lot of things had taken place in your life that had left you hopeless, right?

Kristen: Yes. A lot of things happened.

Dennis: Yes. Your father was struggling from depression as you grew up as a little girl and as a teenager. You had three friends, as a teenager, who lost their lives—one to suicide. You had a couple of guys stalking you—one who raped you. You were hopeless and no one knew it.

Kristen: No. My family especially knew something was wrong with me because it wasn’t in my character to not come home when I was supposed to. I had started drinking and smoking and things like that. That wasn’t anything I had done before. I also stopped playing soccer. That was something that I loved to do, and so they knew something was wrong with me. They just didn’t know how much was wrong inside and how I was feeling.

Bob: You say they knew something was wrong. If you were to look back and say, “There had been something going back in my heart and soul for a month...three months...six months.” What?

Kristen: I think that it was a lot going on that whole period of time, but I think the last six months before my attempt were the worst. I think I just kind of died inside. I didn’t care about my life or anything anymore. I drove around hoping somebody would hit me. I wanted my life to end. I didn’t want to take it, though.

People would ask me how I was doing. I would say, “I’m here.’ Kind of like, “Isn’t that good enough?” I had just a much more negative and a little bit of a bitter attitude. That wasn’t my normal demeanor, but at the same time I still had a smile on my face. So people really were confused.

Bob: Here it is the second day of the New Millennium, January 2, 2000. It is a cold day. You left the house, sitting in a park, just thinking about life. The impulse—really—it was an impulse hits you.

Dennis: Yes. I want to make a comment about that because I have read this before that a number of suicides that occur among young people are done, not in a sense of really thinking it through, but just deciding at the spur of the moment.

Kristen: Right. For me, it was. I could never have made that as a rational decision. If I was going to do it, it would have had to be impulsive. I think that most people would think that way. I think most kids, especially. They know that suicide is wrong. They can never rationalize it enough to think it is okay or it is right.

Bob: You didn’t think about writing a note saying, “It’s all over.” You didn’t have time.

Kristen: No. I didn’t have time and I wasn’t worried about other people. I was in a very selfish place.

Bob: So you went and laid across the railroad tracks with a train coming. Did the conductor see you dive across the tracks?

Kristen: Yes. The police report says that the conductor said to the engineer, “Did you see that yellow flash?” The engineer said to the conductor, “Yes. I think we just hit someone.” The yellow flash that they saw was this yellow jacket that I had on—my winter coat.

Dennis: It was a new coat that you had just gotten for Christmas was it, or was that the jeans you had gotten?

Kristen: Right. The coat was new; the shoes were new. All of it was new actually.

Bob: So you dove across the tracks. The conductor, the engineer said, “I think we just hit somebody.” They put on the brakes, brought the train to a stop?

Kristen: Yes. Then they called 911.

Bob: And came back finding you lying on the tracks, legs severed—one below the knee and the other...

Kristen: They didn’t come to find me, but the paramedics found me.

Bob: Okay.

Kristen: Yes, but with my legs severed.

Bob: You have already shared with us this week that you were in record-time taken to the nearest hospital in yo...