The Ten Thousand Things

Romantic Realities: Deconstructing the Romantic Love Myth

We dive into the misconceptions of romantic love prevalent in Western culture, drawing on a quote from You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships, by Richard Swartz. Get the book from Internal Family Systems Institute at https://ifs-institute.com/you-are-one-youve-been-waiting

Sam mentions Let's Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice podcast with Dr Morgan, yet again, but actually links to it this time. https://episodes.fm/1496034764 to find it on your podcast player of choice. But I use and recommend Podcast Guru, and Fountain, available on all phones ... anyway it's a great resource on attachment theory, and if you end up taking a workshop let Sam know how it goes.

Here's the quote:

Our Western culture and many of the relationship experts in it have issued us faulty maps and improper tools. We've been told that the love we need is a buried treasure, hidden in the heart of a special intimate partner. Once we find that partner, the love we crave should flow elixir like, filling our empty spaces and healing our pain.

We touch on:

• the usual gossip and personal experiences, in between the wise and reflective stuff.
• historic context of romantic love as an ideal
• likely role of biology in facilitating feelings of romantic love
• vs the grim reality of marriage historically, as the transfer of property between men
• romance in media
• the unrealistic expectations it sets
• reflect on the nature of love
• love's challenges
• the importance of self-love
• and realistic expectations in intimate relationships
• dynamics of attachment styles
• mental health, and the balance between self-reliance and being a good partner
• a broader contemplation of love's realities versus its cultural constructions

Episode image: courtesy of Craig - read stories and look at more great shots at https://wish-art.blog/gallery/

The show cover is from the filming of The KLF's Ancients of Mu clip - https://www.theguardian.com/music/2017/apr/27/return-of-the-klf-bill-drummond-jimmy-cauty

Show theme is from Ehsan Gelsi - he just dropped a new song video today - it's nice synth instrumental music. Watch the maestro at work over at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN9XE0UKZDE

0:00 TTTT Is Love the Drug?
00:18 Myth of Romantic Love
02:10 Personal Stories: Rethinking Romance
04:53 Debating the Reality of Romantic Love
08:18 The Cultural and Biological Perspectives on Love
32:42 Navigating New Beginnings and Misunderstandings
32:54 The Journey of Moving In and Relationship Dynamics
33:22 Relationship Flags: Red, Yellow, and Green
36:10 Mental Health and Self-Awareness in Relationships
52:54 Reflections on Love, Choice, and Commitment

• (00:00) - Is Love the Drug?


• (00:18) - Myth of Romantic Love


• (02:10) - Personal Stories: Rethinking Romance


• (04:53) - Debating the Reality of Romantic Love


• (08:18) - The Cultural and Biological Perspectives on Love


• (32:42) - Navigating New Beginnings and Misunderstandings


• (32:54) - The Journey of Moving In and Relationship Dynamics


• (33:22) - Relationship Flags: Red, Yellow, and Green


• (36:10) - Mental Health and Self-Awareness in Relationships


• (52:54) - Reflections on Love, Choice, and Commitment