Mar 03 2025 67 mins
— A big part of why we haven’t designed a better world yet is that we haven’t designed a better inner world.
The truth is, all of us carry pain we haven’t fully processed. Some of us have been deeply mistreated by the system. Others have more privilege, more resources—access to therapy, meditation retreats, time for self-reflection. But regardless of where we fall on the spectrum, every single one of us carries unresolved wounds. Your thoughts are shaped by the pain you haven’t yet faced. If you’ve tried everything to change your circumstances and still feel stuck, here’s why: Your nervous system is wired to protect you from pain. It’s not going to let you just "think a different thought" if that thought contradicts the survival strategies you developed to avoid overwhelming pain in childhood.
And those strategies? They live deep in the body. We have to face the pain — we need to actually discharge it from the body. Pain doesn’t just sit in our minds. It’s stored in our nervous systems, locked away in patterns of tension, contraction, and avoidance. And to unlock the full power of our minds—to become the creative, limitless beings we truly are—we have to physically release that stored pain.
Transformative Listening is the way we’re designed to heal. It’s through connection. All of our wounding happened in the absence of loving connection. As infants, we were completely vulnerable. We needed caregivers who could attune to us, hold us, soothe us. And where that didn’t happen? We developed compensatory strategies—numbing, shutting down, staying small. But the good news?
We can heal. We just need someone to be present with us while we do it.
Valeria interviews Ilya Parizhsky — He is a licensed psychotherapist and the creator of Transformative Listening.
Ilya helps leaders, innovators, and change-makers form structured partnerships that transform setbacks and pain into fuel for growth, resilience, and transformation - enabling them to face challenges head-on and emerge stronger.
He emphasizes the importance of connection and closeness in this process, creating a space where individuals develop advanced emotional engagement skills - both for themselves and in their interactions with others. These skills facilitate deep healing and transformative breakthroughs.
Through this immersive, experiential approach, Ilya guides individuals in harnessing the energy of pain and turning it into vitality, resilience, and well-being. His work empowers people to break free from emotional stagnation, cultivate powerful relationships, and expand beyond their perceived limits.
To learn more about Ilya Parizhsky and his work, please visit: https://transformativelistening.love/