Now and Men

What do we know about men’s friendships, and why have their social networks declined in the past 30 years? Why do so many find it hard to cultivate emotionally supportive friendships with each other? Why is it that men are more at risk of loneliness and social isolation than women? What are the impacts of this, both for men themselves and the women they are close to? And what can we do about it?

In this episode, Dr Angelica Ferrara discusses these issues and more, drawing upon her recent article (with Dylan Vergara) ‘Theorizing mankeeping: The male friendship recession and women’s associated labour as a structural component of gender inequality’. The authors argue that fewer close relationships between men may cause some to rely heavily on relationships with women, especially romantic relationships, for emotional support. This may increase the emotion work women do to support men, through a phenomenon Angelica and Dylan label as ‘mankeeping’ - which can in turn contribute to gender inequity.

Angelica is a postdoctoral scholar at Stanford University’s Clayman Institute for Gender Research, and a visiting fellow at the London School of Economics. She is trained as a developmental and social psychologist, and her work seeks to understand how gender ideologies shape behaviour and relationships. She’s currently working on a book called ‘Men Without Men’, about boys’ and men’s friendships throughout history and across cultures.

• Angelica’s profile: https://gender.stanford.edu/people/angelica-puzio-ferrara
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelica-puzio-ferrara-phd-3231b6211/
• Twitter: https://x.com/angeliferrara
• Read the paper: https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000494
• On the media coverage it has received: https://www.linkedin.com/posts/angelica-puzio-ferrara-phd-3231b6211_mankeeping-slides-activity-7265003061960445952-U6l7/

Episode timeline

• Introduction
• The male friendship recession (02:32-04:39)
• Differences among men (04:39-07:36)
• Why friendships are so important (07:36-10:33)
• The impact of masculine norms on men’s friendships (10:33-14:03)
• Changes with ageing and retirement (14:03-19:18)
• Why men’s social settings sometimes don’t help (19:18-21:18)
• How mankeeping works (21:18-25:16)
• Its impacts on women (25:16-27:30)
• Why boys have just as much capacity for relationships (27:30-32:08)
• Break
• How society needs to change (32:12-37:06)
• Creating spaces for men to connect (37:06-39:56)
• Men on their own (39:56-41:29)
• What individual men can do (41:29-46:03)
• Why we need to support others (46:03-48:29)
• The significance of touch (48:29-50:38)
• What led Angelica to this research (50:38-54:25)
• Conclusion [Personal struggles with conforming to masculine norms and building close friendships with men; The need to reach out; Fears of rejection; Totalitarianism and a sense of abandonment; Far-right exploitation of men's isolation] (54:25-01:03:57)

More info

• Harvard Study of Adult Development: https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org
• Carolyn J. Rosenthal, ‘Kinkeeping in the familial division of labor’: https://doi.org/10.2307/352340
• Niobe Way, ‘Deep Secrets’: https://www.hup.harvard.edu/books/9780674072428
• Judy Chu, ‘When Boys Become Boys’: https://nyupress.org/9780814764800/when-boys-become-boys/
• Niobe Way et al, ‘“It might be nice to be a girl... Then you wouldn't have to be emotionless”: Boys' resistance to norms of masculinity during adolescence’: https://doi.org/10.1037/a0037262
• Hannah Arendt, ‘The Origins of Totalitarianism’: https://www.penguin.com.au/books/the-origins-of-totalitarianism-9780241316757