Mar 06 2025 26 mins
In this episode, we dive into over-merging in relationships, exploring the difference between healthy interdependence and codependency. Hear how attachment styles shape connection, balancing differing needs for contact, and prioritizing different needs for contact. We share our personal experiences of the power of co-regulation and how couples can create agreements that support both individuals and the we of their partnership. This episode offers valuable insights and practical tools to help you and your partner thrive.
“The Art Of We” podcast with Krista Van Derveer and Dr. Will Van Derveer
(00:00) Over-or-under merging is a path of development
(01:20) What is "the We"?
(02:44) The effects of over-merging
(03:45) Influence of Attachment styles
(06:37) Healthy individuation as a key relationship goal
(08:47) When a need for contact is covering up a deeper wound
(11:00) Taking responsibility for our own wounds
(11:34) How supporting each other’s healing strengthens the partnership
(13:53) Does the We always default to the highest need for contact?
(16:43) The power of co-regulation in a relationship
(18:24) Developing auto-regulation and self-soothing practices
(19:50) Defining your shared purpose as a couple
(21:51) The importance of self-awareness
(23:06) Final thoughts and listener appreciation
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Resources Mentioned:
Get in Touch:
- The Art Of We Website
- The Art of We Instagram
- Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Psychedelic Therapy Training
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