Lead Through Strengths

Lisa
Hi, I'm Lisa.

Brea

And I'm Brea

Lisa

And today's topic is yearning for something…figuring out what you really want out of life.

Brea

Yearning for something. What does that mean, yearning?

Lisa

What does it mean? What does it mean? You know, this was inspired, like the rainbow guy on the old viral video. What does it mean, the double rainbow?

Brea

Oh my gosh, it's so funny. Well, it makes me think of the five clues to talent that Gallup gives us.

Lisa

Yeah, they have five clues to talent and we just picked one of them. This is actually the first one. They call it yearning. And Brea, I remember when I said the word yearning, you were almost like, and tell us more about that.

Brea

I don't know. I don’t love the word yearning. I think the word longing really resonates with me more. What does my heart long for? You know, what have I been longing for? I think when Gallup talks about yearning, It's a similar thing.

What is something that has been on your heart or in your mind for a long time that you're yearning for, pining for, looking forward to? That's what comes to mind when I think of yearning through this lens.

Lisa

I don't think you're alone with not loving the word yearning, because if you bring this up in a corporate workshop, people are like, that's kind of sappy. And then yeah, longing or dreaming, you know, like, that's impractical.

So what do you do with that? What is the use case for this?

Like, what's the problem with not ever allowing yourself to long for something or pine for something or dream about something? Why is it so important to explore what you really want out of life?

Brea

I don't know is the short answer because futuristic is in my top five, so I don't know how not to do this. But I do think that there's something about the human experience that yearns for something more, that longs for something more, that wants to wake up every day and live for something more.

I think it's so beautiful to, and this is my connectedness maybe coming out, but like to be a part of something bigger than ourselves, you know, and to see, to see the future. So again, this is in my talent DNA. What are your thoughts?

Lisa

Well, it's totally in my top 10 as well. It's right up there, just right behind the top five. I think it's seven for me, futuristic. Not that futuristic is the only dreamer, but it definitely looks ahead.

I think in a workplace, people fear that it's impractical, but I also believe that striving is a human need. If you're not looking forward to something, even if it's really simple, like, what if you just dreamt of a different morning routine, where you gave yourself the chance to eat breakfast outside, have a warm cup of tea in your hands and wake up in a relaxed state where you're deciding what the vibe is of the rest of your day.

And that sets you up for success. That’s part of defining what you really want out of life.

Maybe that's only a 15 minute tweak to your day. And that might be a big deal for people to change 15 minutes of every day. But that's something like if you say yearning or dreaming, people are like, Oh, that's so big. And I don't have time to create world peace right now I've got I've got a task list to do. I think that's what gets in the way of people stopping to dream or long for something.

What do you think gets in the way?

Brea

Yeah, I think that's really insightful, Lisa. I think long-term yearning gets in the way because, number one, it's vulnerable. To say, gosh, this is a deep-seated desire of mine that hasn't gone away for my whole life. I know this from my own experience and I've talked to other people about their childhood dreams or things that have been percolating for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, and we haven't had the courage.

We're afraid of failure. We, for whatever reason, don't pursue those dreams. I think sometimes we're afraid of our own greatness, you know? And when we're talking about five clues to talent, and we're talking about this clue, that's really what it is, is it clues us in to our talent, our innate ability to be great, to do something great. And sometimes that's scary, you know?

Lisa

Absolutely. Yeah, and I think it's really interesting. I held a workshop recently where people talked about their dreams and aspirations and we crowdsourced a bucket list while we were live and looking at the variety of things that came up because we didn't put constraints on it about, you know, what the bucket list type had to be.

And we had everything from specific training and development type of programs that someone would develop to, I'm looking at an item right now, someone said, smile at someone who gives me a dirty look. Wow. And that one just grabbed me like, okay, so as a bucket list item, now does that count as a yearning?

Maybe it's like an inside thing where I am totally making this up about the person because I don't know who wrote it or where it was coming from. But maybe they tend to react in a way that is defensive, or they make assumptions about what somebody else is thinking.

And maybe there's a yearning in them to build rapport with people and have really deep, meaningful relationships or to not be affected by the temperature that's already in the room. Maybe what you really want out of life is to connect with others.

There are so many things you could guess about why someone really wants that in their life. But how cool to say, They just thought of something they want about who they want to be and how they want to show up. But it's not the way they show up every day currently. And so I think that sometimes when you hear words like longing, yearning, dreaming, they sound so big.

But this really simple one where someone could just say, I want that. I want to be this, I want to live this, but I just haven't asked myself to do it yet, or haven't given myself permission or courage or whatever angle. And I think that's a nice way to look at it as well, because there's a reason that's bubbling up in you.

Brea

Yeah. And through a strengths language, we can say, OK, let's say some of my, my natural talents, my natural disposition, the way that I might naturally react to someone who gives me a yucky look, might not be to smile at them.

OK, so how can I connect with my talents to be able to respond from a natural place instead of just willpowering my way through, or every time I don't return a bad look with a smile, I give myself a negative point, you know, or I tear myself down, like, why can't you ever do that, you know?

So to look at our talents and to align them with this desire for goodness, to respond in a good, positive way, I think is really, really powerful.

Lisa

Yeah, I love that because when I've heard other strengths coaches talk about five clues to talent, and this topic of yearning comes up, often we're characterizing it as if your strengths or these natural talents, like anything from your top five or top 10, are probably speaking you know, in your yearnings, they're, they're going to show up in there.

Then in the example that you gave, I'm seeing a completely different angle that a lot of people overlook, which would be, Hey, here's something you want for yourself and you want for your life. How could the ones that you have support you in this dream that keeps popping up and mapping them together? What a cool way to look at it. That just seems to not get used.

Brea

Well, the truth of the matter is, is that every talent is neutral, right? It's not good. It's not bad. It just is a pattern. It just is what it is. It's a pattern of thought, feeling, and behavior that can be productively applied. But that doesn't mean that we always apply it productively, right? There are shadow sides to our talents as well as the, the greatest potential. And so sometimes, yeah, like our talents show up in a way where it can, can get in the way and it can also really, really help.

And so that might be maybe judging the person who's giving you a hard look or a bad look, you know, maybe it's positivity, who didn't like it, you know, and is, kind of brought down by it. Maybe Woo responds more naturally to negativity with a smile, with an effort to, you know, to win that person over. That doesn't mean that Woo is better than Positivity. It just means that maybe they responded differently. So how do you use your talents to get what you want?

Lisa

Yeah, you're making me think about something I've been playing with lately, is giving one that is acting like a troublemaker talent, giving it a different job. So for example, Maximizer is one that acts like a troublemaker talent for me often where it yearns to tweak things. It is like, Oh, we can make that better. Oh, we could change that. Oh, I could fiddle with this.

Oh, I can make that better. But my focus talent theme is the one that usually has to say, Hey, hey, no, no, no, no. Priorities over here. Hello, that was a squirrel. And so when my maximizer is misbehaving, what if I say I'm going to give my maximizer a different job. And so instead of tweaking everything, I put it on the thing that I've actually been longing for. that the thing that I have that little dream in the back of my head, but it doesn't get airtime because I've been too busy with my tasks.

So you could redirect that same talent in a different angle and get the result that would allow us to be living out the dreams, living out the things we're longing for. These talents can help you figure out what you really want out of life. Yeah, it's so good.

I love where this is going. Yeah, what a fun one. So then what if you're a person listening to this and you're like, I don't really yearn for anything. I don't have dreams. Yeah, I have some goals, but those are my work things.

And that's what I'm after. I just am out there attacking my work objectives. Like if someone doesn't feel like a person who can dream or long for something, what are things you've done to be able to begin to open that up for people?

Brea

Yeah, I think, again, having the awareness of your CliftonStrengths language is super helpful because often what I see is that people who may not resonate with yearning, longing, dreaming, these long-term feeling words, it's because they're high in adaptability or they're high in talents that are here and now, right? They're not thinking about the future, they're not really inspired to sit here and say, what do I want out of life? Because what they want is to be responsive in the moment. That's where they thrive.

Right. And so I I love how you started this episode, Lisa, reminding us that yearning doesn't have to be long term. It doesn't have to be, you know, so far out into the future. It really is as simple as why am I attracted to this thing? Why do I like this type of movie instead of that type of movie? Or why am I attracted to this person or this type of humor or fill in the blank with anything? You know, what is it that pulls us toward certain things and certain people and certain ideas and certain topics and not others? That's what we're talking about here. That's what gallop means by yearning.

Lisa

Yeah, that's really interesting. You're making me think of a person I know who leads through adaptability, connectedness, and I think a ranger. So very much present right here, right now, talent themes. And I remember one day she was talking about how she lived at the beach in a place where she could have the windows open most of the year.

Just being present, hearing the ocean, having the waves, having nature kind of envelop her even when she was in the indoors, all of that is no surprise when you think about why she ended up buying that place where she did.

And it was those yearnings turned into a manifestation of her life…her actual physical life…because she wanted to be right here right now with the sounds of the birds and the waves. And those represent adaptability, connectedness, arranger.

Her, being present in the moment, is living out a yearning.

Brea

That's right. So if you go up to someone like that and you say, what do you dream of? What do you yearn for? They're like, this is it. Like, this is my dream right here. I'm living it, you know, right now. And I think that's so beautiful.

The whole point of recognizing this clue to talent. and identifying the yearnings in our hearts is to make them come true. And so for those who have maybe a shorter timeline and are happy living out that yearning every day, just really leaning into the moment, I think is such a beautiful expression of that talent.

Lisa

It really is. It's interesting because it almost sounded like at the beginning we were saying, if you lead through the future thinking talent, you'd be more apt to live out your yearnings. But we're totally making the point right now that you, you're absolutely likely to do it if you live it in the moment.

Before we close, I want to make sure we dip into the workplace for a moment, because I also think these yearnings are true at work. Like, for example, if you lead through belief, you yearn to understand the values and where someone's coming from and get your belief in the thing. Because if you don't understand it and believe in it, you might not be able to execute on it with gusto.

Or if you lead through intellection, you might find yourself really yearning to be a deep subject matter expert on something. So they also show up in the things that you're attracted to in your roles and I see it all the time.

People have heard my example over the years so many times of a guy who said he loved the escalation calls from customers because he yearned to solve their problems.

Brea

that are natural for you, you want to do them. So knowing what your talents bring is so important. You can look at, you know, what is it that I want to do? What are the things on my task list every day that I do? No problem.

And what are the things that I procrastinate? What are the things that I don't want to do? That also clues us into our talent or lack thereof, right? That's right. Which if we look at that from that angle, then we can start to see the patterns of, okay, I don't want to do this. You know, maybe that is dreaming, you know, a vision board or at work, it's just a specific task that you're always putting off or you're always trying to delegate or you're always trying to get off your plate.

Why is that? Well, it's because the talent isn't there. So how can we identify where the talent is? Well, look to your yearnings. What is it that you really desire?

Lisa

This is funny, but you made me think of the totally corporate thing that we've done so many times over the years of making a stop-start-continue list. And those stop items are going to be the non-yearnings. And then the start and continue are probably some clues to talent. They can bring you inspiration for clarifying what you really want out of life.

As we end the show, I'll offer to include a resource, which is a replay of that event that I did. It's just an hour on dreams and aspirations, and we crowdsourced a bucket list while we were on there. So if this is something that has grabbed your attention and you have not been in touch with your own yearnings, then in the show notes, we'll have the link out to the replay of that and to that bucket list we created. How about you? What's a favorite resource?

Brea

Yeah, so the thing that comes to mind for me is a little exercise that you can do on your own, but it's better to do with a coach or a friend or someone that you trust. And it's very simple. It just goes like this. Put five minutes on the clock and have whoever it is that's leading you through the exercise, or it can be yourself if you need to.

You just ask the question, what do you want? What do you want? What do you really want? And you ask that question over and over and over again for as long as you can stand it. It can feel like a long time to keep asking that question, but it will help you to just create that space to enter in and like the bucket list exercise.

I love that. Don't put any limits on it, right? You just let your little heart dream and see what comes up. What do you want? What do you really, really want? And And then, yeah, I'd love to hear. If you do it, send us a message or let us know what you come up with.

Lisa

Love that exercise. OK, now, if someone wants to work with you, Brea, and they say, that sounds cool, but can you, you know, can you walk me through, can you coach me through this? How could they work with you on this topic?

Brea

Yeah, coaching, I'm always open for at my website, briaroper.com. And I'd love to meet you and connect with you.

Lisa

Beautiful. And for me, Lisa, if you're a team and you want to get the team into dream mode, we do team retreats, off-site summits. It's a great place to step back and really think about what people want in their careers, how they want to behave with each other, for each other. Those can be just amazing workshops. And then if you are a coach, go to leadthroughstrengths.com and click on tools for coaches.

If you wanna dream about the kind of business you could create as a trainer, coach, speaker, I have a membership for that. Awesome. Okay, as we leave them here, I feel like the outro should be the Spice Girls song and I hear like the dum, dum, dum. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.

Brea

[singing] if you want to be my lover I’ll tell you what i want what i really really want i love it i love it so much oh my gosh see you later