Oct 30 2023 20 mins
People Pleasing is a pretty rough character trait to live with.
The “Nice Guy/ Nice Girl” pattern is insidious - it seeps into every area of life & distorts our perception of the world.
At some point along the way, the people-pleaser took on the false belief that they’re some kind of burden on others & must overgive & self-sacrifice in order to receive their basic needs.
This pattern can get so bad that, in an act of trying to remain consistent with self, they turn it into a badge of honour (think “the saviour” or “the empath”).
These false identities perpetuate toxic relationships, which continue to leave the pleaser feeling burnt out, worthless…and most of all, “correct” in their belief that they are the victim.
In this episode, Pete dives into his own lived experience of this seemingly harmful but ultimately destructive pattern. He uses a fun analogy of a rather unique “Exchange Bureau” to describe how ridiculous the unconscious behaviour of the people pleaser really is.
He explores the solution to people-pleasing, a reframe that may help you understand the source of these problems - and a path forward.
Remember - Just by existing, you deserve to have your needs met,..“just cos” ;)
Books referenced:
“The Disease to Please - Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome - Harriet B. Braiker
“No More Mr Nice Guy” - Robert A. Glover
Follow Pete on IG @itspetebyrne