Feb 23 2025 20 mins 9
How do you support clients when they’re experiencing conflict?
In this episode, we explore one of the most common yet complex topics in coaching, conflict.
Whether it’s workplace disputes, family tensions, or internal struggles, conflict is something that touches all of us. But here’s the thing: conflict isn’t necessarily bad. In fact, it can be an opportunity for learning, boundary-setting, and growth.
We discuss how conflict often mirrors internal struggles, meaning that coaching is less about "fixing" external conflicts and more about helping clients understand their reactions, needs, and values. We also unpack common coaching challenges, like when clients become stuck in storytelling loops, unable to move past a conflict, or when their deep need to be liked makes them avoid difficult conversations altogether.
We introduce practical coaching approaches, including values exploration, emotional regulation, and Transactional Analysis models to help clients process conflict in a productive way. We also highlight the importance of systemic influences, acknowledging that some conflicts aren’t easily "resolved" due to power imbalances, cultural biases, or workplace hierarchies.
By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clearer understanding of how to coach conflict effectively, helping clients shift from frustration to clarity, from avoidance to confidence, and from emotional distress to empowerment.
Step-by-Step Guide: How to Coach Conflict
- Recognise the Signs of Conflict
- Ask the client how the conflict is showing up in their life—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Look for storytelling loops or repeated frustrations that suggest unresolved conflict.
- Help Clients Name Their Emotions
- Use an emotions wheel to go beyond surface-level feelings.
- Ask, What emotions are present in this conflict?
- Explore Underlying Values & Needs
- Conflict often arises when core values clash—help clients identify what’s really at stake for them.
- Ask, What value of yours is being challenged here?
- Introduce Perspective Shifts
- Encourage the client to see the conflict from another person’s viewpoint.
- Ask, If you were in their shoes, what might they be feeling?
- Use Transactional Analysis (TA) to Identify Conflict Patterns
- Is the client reacting from a Parent, Adult, or Child ego state?
- Help them shift to an Adult-Adult communication style.
- Help the Client Explore Possible Outcomes
- Instead of focusing only on “winning” or “losing,” explore multiple ways forward.
- Ask, What are the possible outcomes, and which one aligns best with your values?
- Support Emotional Regulation
- If emotions are heightened, introduce breathing techniques or grounding exercises to bring the client back to a calm state.
- Remind them that conflict resolution is easier when approached with a regulated nervous system.
- Encourage Clear and Assertive Communication
- Guide the client to express their needs without blame.
- Role-play difficult conversations if needed.
- Recognise When Walking Away is the Best Option
- Some conflicts can’t be resolved—help clients assess whether letting go is the healthiest choice.
- Ask, What would happen if you chose to step away from this conflict?
- Check for Closure
- Ensure the client has clarity on their next steps, whether it’s having a conversation, setting a boundary, or shifting their perspective.
Five Coaching Questions to Help Clients with Conflict:
- What is it about this conflict that feels most challenging for you?
- If you had full permission to express yourself, what would you say?
- What values of yours are being challenged in this situation?
- What part of this conflict is within your control?
- If this conflict was an opportunity for growth, what might it be teaching you?
Key Lessons Learned:
- Conflict is often about unmet needs or clashing values – Helping clients identify these creates clarity.
- Not all conflict is about resolution – Some clients just need to process emotions and learn to tolerate discomfort.
- Storytelling loops can keep clients stuck – Repeating the same conflict story may reinforce limiting beliefs.
- Transactional Analysis (TA) is a useful framework – Ego states (Parent, Adult, Child) help clients understand conflict dynamics.
- Coaching is about empowerment, not fixing – The goal is to help clients navigate conflict in a way that aligns with their values.
- Systemic factors can influence conflict – Coaches need to be mindful of biases, hierarchies, and cultural barriers.
- Walking away is sometimes the best resolution – Helping clients explore different outcomes empowers them to make choices.
Key Takeaways
- Normalise conflict—it’s a natural part of life and can be a learning opportunity.
- Focus on self-awareness—help clients explore their emotions, triggers, and beliefs around conflict.
- Use coaching models like Transactional Analysis (TA) to uncover deeper relational patterns.
- Encourage clients to name their values—often, conflict arises when a value feels compromised.
- Support clients in making empowered decisions—whether it’s resolving the issue or choosing to walk away.
Timestamps
- 00:13 – 00:46: Introduction—why coaching conflict is such an important skill
- 00:47 – 02:07: How conflict shows up in coaching conversations
- 02:34 – 03:55: Conflict as a reflection of internal struggles
- 04:21 – 05:44: The importance of normalising conflict in coaching
- 06:13 – 07:39: How values drive conflict and why understanding them is key
- 08:09 – 09:34: How storytelling loops can keep clients stuck in conflict
- 10:03 – 11:46: The role of Transactional Analysis (TA) in conflict coaching
- 12:16 – 13:59: Recognising when a conflict can’t be resolved and what to do next
- 14:39 – 15:59: The impact of systemic influences on workplace and social conflicts
- 16:27 – 17:55: Exploring whether walking away is a valid resolution
- 18:50 – 19:49: Final reflections and key takeaways
Keywords:
How to coach conflict, Coaching techniques for conflict resolution, Transactional Analysis and conflict coaching, Helping clients manage conflict, Coaching difficult conversations, How to support clients with conflict, Understanding values in conflict, Managing workplace conflict through coaching, Emotional intelligence in conflict coaching, Coaching clients stuck in conflict,
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