Hot Mess Millionaire - Sexual Violence Against Black Men -

Nov 24 2021 42 mins

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Many (1 out of 4) Black Women have experienced sexual violence. In fact, sexual violence is one of the worst crimes against humanity, specifically as it was employed and monetized during Chattel Slavery. The impact is felt generationally in our relationships, in our bodies, and most importantly, in our sense of self and personal power. We know this historical trauma, and because we can talk about it, we can get the support to heal it. But what about the GROSS sexual trauma and violence against Black Men? Why is it not included in our history books or addressed in society now, when Black Men are molested and violently raped in our current society?

This week, Dr. Venus talks about having empathy and compassion for Black Men and their trauma, and how we can start to heal WITH them instead of prioritizing our pain over theirs. She shares 5 horrifying ways that enslaved African men were sexually exploited throughout slavery, and how we can begin to create a safe space for Black Men to open up.

Key Takeaways:

[2:23] This is a conversation about sexual violence against Black Men, both then and now. The reason why we are talking about this is that Dr. Venus is really contending with her own internal racism and sexism against Black Men. If we were talking about women and sexual trauma, there are libraries of readings, but she was shocked to the degree that there’s nothing really out there about Black Men.

[4:14] We relate to Black Men the way that White Supremacy has taught us to, and we think it’s the truth. Because we’ve had bad experiences with Black Men and been wounded viciously by Black Men multiple times, we see all Black Men as bad. Dr. Venus validates that you have had this experience, and it was real. She is also not talking like a theorist, but a survivor. The damage is there, but on the other side of healing, we can see someone as a human being that has been damaged and wounded.

[6:16] Dr. Venus gives an example of seeing that her mother was wounded and giving someone grace for their traumas.

[9:22] How trapped is a Black Man that can’t say anything because no one will believe them? Black Men are supposed to be strong. As far as history is concerned, they’re not even people.

[10:17] When Black Men act out after being wounded, we equate it more with character and go after the tropes of him being lazy, no good, or trifling. How come we don’t account for history?

[13:00] Black Boys are completely unprotected not just from men, but from older women. The women are taking advantage of Black younger boys, and those boys end up being with our daughters. We believe that since he is strong and he can fight, he won’t be raped.

[15:38] Dr. Venus hasn’t had compassion for Black Men, until now. The reason she can is that she has been healing her father wounds.

[18:35] You create a safe space when you share your truth. When Black Men feel safe to share their story with no ridicule or judgment, it is healing and they will feel like it’s okay to open up.

[19:25] Women in general, and this includes Black Women, are trained to be self-reflective earlier than Black Men. Black girls are trained to go read books, while Black boys are trained to go play with toys or play sports. Black Women are the most educated group in North America, while Black Men are not given the time to think through things.

[22:47] The ways that men were sexually exploited and abused by White Masters:

Aristocrats often used enslaved Black Men as a form of sexual entertainment. They were lined up and were laughed at, scrutinized for their body, and humiliated.
Enslaved men were castrated or sexually mutilated as a form of punishment.
Enslaved men were often raped by both the slave owners themselves and forced to have sex with their master’s wives.
Black Men were sexually exploited and abused by their White Masters in a horrific punishment called buck breaking. This form of sexual abuse was very popular in the Caribbean and it involved White Supremacists, slave owners, and merchants, raping a male slave in front of the public to embarrass him and make him feel less than a man.
Breeding farms that exploited the sexuality of healthy Black Men, not caring if it was their own family members that they were impregnating.

[30:48] Dr. Venus realized that Black Women, herself included, have internalized racism and sexism against Black Men that we don’t even know we have. It’s so real for us, just like White Supremacy is very real for White people. It’s not personal, it’s just that we have drunk the Kool-Aid.

[35:59] When you don’t have a safe space, to tell the truth, you will implode. Black Men are wounded, and they don’t know they are wounded, because no one has taken the time to listen to them talk.

[37:10] When we can relate to Black Men as human beings with feelings who have faults, who are amazing, and who deserve to be heard, that is when the healing will begin.

[39:59] If we are committed to thriving as a community, we as Black Women are going to have to step into the emotional maturity and spirituality it takes to relate to Black Men as humans that are fabulous despite their flaws. And until we do that, we will not be able to empower their power.

Quotes:

“Anything a person has done to you has been done to them.”
“I haven’t had compassion for his humanity, until now.”
“For all my brothers who are listening or will listen, I apologize. I'm sorry that I privileged my pain over your humanity.”
“As Black women, we are the White Supremacists in our relationship to Black Men and our communities and our families. And it's not personal to you or me. It literally is that we drank the Kool-Aid.”
“I'm committed that we relate to Black Men as human beings, with feelings, who have faults, who are amazing, who deserve to be heard and seen just like you and me.”
We want White people to see us as equals, so how can we expect that from them when we don't give it to each other?”

Mentioned:

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