Dec 05 2023 49 mins
Dating can feel like a rollercoaster; The butterflies, worrying if they’re into you, if you're both on the same page, and all the heavy lifting of truly connecting. Now imagine dating without any help… No liquid courage to numb the big emotions. It can feel like walking a tightrope without a net!
In today's episode, I chat with Shaun Galanos on his journey of kicking alcohol to the curb. He talks about why he quit drinking and how it affected his relationships. We dive into the nitty-gritty of dating, the real talk on building connections that aren't just skin deep, and the art of connecting with someone, without that safety net of a glass in your hand.
Imagine sitting across from someone, feeling all those big emotions (the good, the bad, the awkward), and doing it stone-cold sober. We tackle all the hot topics and even give some hot takes.
Shaun Galanos is a renowned love coach, host of The Love Drive podcast, and an expert in teaching intimacy and communication skills. He got his Bachelor’s Degree in Interpersonal Communication from UC Santa Barbara and certifications in Personal and Professional Coaching and Rape Crisis Counseling. Shaun has a well-rounded and empathetic approach to relationship coaching. His podcast, The Love Drive, is a treasure trove of insights into love, relationships, and personal growth. In addition to his podcast, Shaun also creates online courses focused on improving relationships through better communication and intimacy skills. When he’s not teaching courses on intimacy and communication or recording his podcast, he’s continuing to learn about love, working on this relationship with his partner, and building community in Montreal.
[00:01 - 12:20] Shaun’s Journey to Sobriety and Self-Discovery
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Shaun shares his early struggles with emotional regulation, leading to substance use and ultimately a high-functioning alcoholic lifestyle.
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Shaun's turning point came with the realization that alcohol stunted his growth in all life aspects.
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Shaun Sought therapy and joined AA at the age of 25.
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It’s easier to stop and stay stopped than it is to stop, start, and stop again
[12:21 - 27:16] Awkward or Natural? Embracing Authentic Connections in Sober Dating
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Shaun’s transition to sobriety wasn’t a magic solution. Instead, it was a starting point for genuine self-discovery.
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Shaun talks about how he dealt with his big emotions by confiding in many people and dispersing the heaviness of his life transformation.
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Shaun and Amanda discuss dating sober; their experiences and advice for connecting with aligned people.
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Dating sober can feel awkward because we are rewiring our brains to embrace natural experiences.
[27:17 - 33:34] How to Overcome Anxiety When Dating Sober
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Anxiety in dating without alcohol is inevitable, confronting it head-on is key.
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For most the anxiety doesn’t go away so just embrace the awkwardness. It becomes more manageable over time
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As you date more, your confidence increases, and your reliance on others' opinions decreases.
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Look for partners who respect and appreciate your sobriety. They should view it as an advantage rather than a drawback.
[33:35 - 44:02] Sober Sex, Hot Takes, Figuring Out Your Values, and Dating App Tips
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Shaun stresses the importance of confronting and communicating anxieties, especially in intimate settings.
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Sex especially when sober is going to be awkward – That’s ok! That’s what makes it exciting and special.
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If you feel anxious about having sex sober, especially if it’s new to you, it’s ok to communicate that.
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Don’t get too hung up on attachment styles. Relationships are about growing together. Figure out what values are important to you and then allow both of you to grow together.
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Shaun shares his advice on how to get more aligned matches on dating apps by adjusting your profile to be more honest about your lifestyle.
[44:03 - 49:00] Can You Get Sober with a Non-Sober Partner?
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Choosing sobriety will significantly affect your relationship, especially if you used to drink with your partner.
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Any huge life change requires an adjustment period
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Your decision to go sober can reveal a lot about your partner; It can show you how supportive they are of your wellness or how insecure they might be about their lifestyle.
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It’s important to assess whether a relationship can withstand and support sobriety.
Follow Shaun Galanos!
Follow him on Instagram and listen to his podcast The Love Drive
Visit his website: https://www.shaungalanos.com
Join his Love Camp Retreat
Check out his Courses
Resources Mentioned:
Key Quotes:
"Alcohol was preventing the progress of any growth in all aspects of my life. Physically, professionally, mentally, emotionally, I was stunted, and alcohol was the devil." – Shaun Galanos
"It's easier to stay stopped than it is for me to go back out there and see what it's like again." – Shaun Galanos
“I don't think you realize what drinking is doing to you until it's gone. And then you're like, holy sh*t, that was my solution to a lot of problems that I have, and the problems now are still here. So how are we going to deal with these problems?” – Shaun Galanos
"I don't think that you are going to be able to get rid of the anxiety. You're going to have to do it anxious; Do it scared." – Shaun Galanos
"Don't get too attached to your attachment style.” – Shaun Galanos
Learn more by connecting with Amanda through Instagram or visit AmandaKuda.com.
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