Dec 07 2024 240 mins
Hark, Void! Middle-Earth's 007, Gamgee, Samwise Gamgee, saves the world from ring-obsessed Gollum while Frodo staggers into danger constantly. Literally, Elrond will only let Arwen marry Aragorn AFTER he's defeated ultimate evil in the world. Now THAT'S a father-in-law. ORCS HAVE NAMES TOO!! And feelings! No one hates orcs more than other orcs! Aragorn runs like a Muppet, Gandalf acts like a dad on a road trip, wraith tractor-beams, Jennifer Coolidge has thoughts on Minas Morgul, and Osgiliath is such a pleasant word to say. But really, this movie is about the Rohirrim and Theoden's epic speech. But also, they should just have armies of women to fight the Nazgûl.
DEEEAAAAATTHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Cue tears)