Mar 01 2024 23 mins 1
So why this topic of Shame Free parenting?
As parents, our job is to help our children meet their physical, cognitive AND emotional needs. Physical abuse or neglect is a lot easier to spot and call out. Even cognitive is easier. If the child isn’t getting to school or learning how to walk, talk, or read or socialize….it shows pretty early.
But emotional needs are just as important. They give our kids stability, self confidence, and the ability to have empathy and compassion for others.
So we want to give you some concrete ways you can parent and discipline your child without shame:
#1 Unconditional Love-Your child needs to know starting EARLY on that your love is constant and is NOT withheld if you angry with them or they have disappointed you.
#2-Keep the AWE in your home- We’ve used this acronym before and I borrowed it from another therapist but AWE stands for affection, warmth, and encouragement. Our kids can only grow with AWE in the home.
#3-As parents, you’ve got to be reliable, consistent, and trustworthy. Those things in a parent builds security in a child. They know they can count on you. Your word means something. You are predictable.
#4-We need to model acceptance and respect even when we disagree with their ideas or decisions-These two things have to start with us and they can’t be dependent on them giving it back to us. There will be times they don’t like us very much or like our rules. But that doesn't give us the right to stoop to their level and demean them or belittle them.
This one has been a huge issue for children struggling with gender confusion. We try and shame the child into complying with OUR values or ideals and instead push them further and further away from them. This is why many children and young adults don’t want anything to do with religion or GOD, Jesus, or church because we as his followers have done an awful job in representing Christ to them.
We’ve got to accept their feelings and their decision and respect their right to disagree or say NO. However, You are still the parent and they also must learn to respect you. So you don't demean their ways, but you also don't have to agree or permit them under your roof.
EX. Kids wanting another dog. Or a phone at age 10
#5-Healthy Boundaries- Boundaries are those invisible barriers we establish early to protect ourselves and our relationships. The word NO is showing a child a boundary.
#6-Give them a ton of opportunities to succeed and praise them often. Maybe they went outside their comfort zone and read outloud. Praise that. Maybe they tried out for a team but didn’t make it. Praise their effort. Again, do more praising of the effort and attitude instead of the actual accomplishment. We don’t want to raise people pleasers who feel like the only way to get your time and attention is when they accomplish something. Going back to our very first one. Show them lots of unconditional love…just because.
#7-Apologize when you fall short. You’re not going to always get this right. You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to blow it and say something you regret saying. We fall short on a regular basis and when we do…we make sure to apologize to our kids. That shows them grace. That shows them that no one is perfect.
https://rocksolidfamilies.org
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