Feb 22 2024 9 mins 4
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Have you ever wondered WHY that person isn’t respecting your boundaries?
Perhaps you think you need to find a better way to communicate or maybe you believe there are just some people who are boundary-proof.
That’s why today, I want to dive into the ONE mistake that will cause your boundaries to fail every time AND what you can do to fix it.
This particular mistake reminds me of the time my friend Meredith asked me to come with her to the car dealer to negotiate a price on a car.
You see, this was the car she'd always wanted. She dreamed about it for years and she was finally able to afford it. Sort of.
It was still a little out of her price range but she was so close that she couldn't take wait any longer. She knew how much I've saved on car purchases over the years, so she asked if I would join her. Happy to help her avoid over-paying, I said yes. Then I told her I have a few questions and there are a few rules. The biggest question was, are you flexible on colors and options? And the rules were this:
- Let me do all the talking.
- Don't get excited about the car.
- Follow my lead, even if you disagree.
DEAL! She was so excited to drive off the lot with her shiny new sports car.
We headed into the dealer. Gabe greeted us on the lot. And from the moment Meredith sat in that driver’s seat, I knew we were going to have an issue. She was so giddy that the salesperson looked like a kid who just scored the biggest lollipop. He knew he already had her, and I know I had my work cut out for me.
When we finally sat down at Gabe's desk, the issue went from bad to worse.
Gabe laid out the price and I pushed back. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Meredith was getting squirmy. Each time Gabe went to speak to his manager to get approval for what I was asking, Meredith needed to be talked off the ledge.
“Let’s not push so hard,” she’d say. “What if he changes his mind?”
“Changes his mind about what? Selling you a car? I don't think so.” But Meredith was terrified her dream car could slip right through her fingers.
So when Gabe came back with his final offer--which I found to be completely unacceptable, especially given that sales were down and there were four of the exact same model on the lot--I knew it was time to say “Thank you Gabe, but no thank you.” Just as I was about to open my mouth, Meredith jumped out of her seat and said, “I'll take it.”
I pushed myself away from Gabe's desk and knew my time here was done. There was nothing more I could do to help Meredith get the best price possible on her dream car.
Truth be told, Gabe could have charged her double and I think she would have found a way to pay.
You might be wondering, Kris, what does this have to do with boundaries? Everything. In fact, the one mistake that’s keeping you stuck with people who don't respect your boundaries is the SAME mistake Meredith made—the inability to walk away.
Now, I'm not saying that you have to walk away from a relationship to get what you want (that's just manipulative). But I am saying that if you can't go without whatever they're offering you, your boundaries won't stick.
Before you go thinking that this is just some game of “get m
