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Mar 27 2024 42 mins   48

What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task?

It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:

  • whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about
  • pushing back on "weaponized incompetence"
  • the difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes
  • The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids


Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode:


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