Hot Mess Millionaire - Letting a Black Man Provide Like God

Nov 17 2021 41 mins 1

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Sis, I believe the very nature of God is to provide. If we are made in the image and likeness of God, then that means we are here to provide for one another. However, what if the structures - political, social, and historical made it not only next to impossible for one to provide, but positioned some peopole as worthless and always up to no good. This week, Dr. Venus invites us to reexamine what it really means to be a Black Man in North America. She gives the historical context on how Black Men have been systematically held back, undermined, and pushed down in terms of being a provider in the name of White Supremacy. She discusses the different types of provision we can get from our Black Men, and why it’s crucial for us to work on our own wounds so we can open up and receive the love our Black Men are trying to give and provide them with a purpose and feeling of spiritual fulfillment as well.

Key Takeaways:

[2:21] This week’s conversation is not about willpower or pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. Nor is about hustling. It is Dr. Venus giving historical context on why, as a people, Black Men and Women are still at the bottom of the economic ladder in North America. Our men have not been able to prosper by virtue of different effects of systematic racism and by the virtue of gender.

[7:10] Dr. Venus walks through a historical timeline of how society has made Black Men seem like a threat and indoctrinated the belief that Black Men are trifling, no good, and to be feared.

[8:10] If White people related to Black people the way that Black women who have been hurt by Black Men relate to Black Men, we would call them racist.

[9:05] Black Men get a harsher punishment starting from kindergarten because of how they’re perceived. They are not afforded the opportunities to help them get ahead in life, whether that’s education, money, social skills, etc.

[12:30] Under Jim Crow segregation, we had convict leasing and debt peonage. Dr. Venus talks about how these predecessors to the prison industrial complex had Black Men working off their debt to the White man for pennies, and enslaved just as if they were a workhorse.

[15:41] When Black Men are expelled early or given punitive consequences in school, they are not given what they need to succeed, and in turn to provide. Either they are positioned to slave for White Men, a White system, or they go to jail.

[16:53] Imagine being targeted your whole life as a threat. You’re trying to do good, but you can’t get a handout, a hand up, anything. There’s a level of resentment that comes with it, along with a level of helplessness and hopelessness. No matter what you do, you bump into walls, and at some point, you become frustrated and start making your own way. This all too often can mean someone getting into illegal activities.

[17:50] Dr. Venus now looks at the good Black Men in her life as somebody’s little man. She’s looking for his humanity, for his vulnerability. Not the protective walls he puts up in the name of survival and self-preservation.

[20:16] As Black Women, we have unfulfilled expectations based on gender roles of what Black Men should and should not do. When a Blck Man can not provide, Dr. Venus invites you to consider that he’s not always being difficult or lazy, or that he just doesn’t care. She wants you to consider that maybe he’s hopeless, depressed, and feels like he can never win.

[24:51] In healing her father wounds, Dr. Venus realized the cost of not having a father. She was used to a certain kind of Black Man but opened up her world to the men that wanted to be providers and protectors. She shares how in her relationship now, she began to see her partner as a man who was spiritually providing for her, rather than providing as a way of domination.

[31:30] Provision isn’t just money. Men can provide for us emotionally, physically, spiritually, and show us a level of transparency that makes us feel safe and secure.

[36:41] There’s a level of healing required to allow yourself to receive the love of a Black Man who is willing to do the work and heal with you.

[37:23] Dr. Venus invites you to have some grace for Black Men and relate to them in a way that values their vulnerability. History has set him up to feel powerless and purposeless, but God gives us each other so we can remember who we are. When you allow the Black Men in your life to provide in any way they can, they have an organizing principle in which to live their life.

Quotes:

“When you love a Black Man, if you allow him in, you become that for him. And it gives him some reason to provide like God.”
“There is some spiritual provision that when you're being with a Black Man who is healing or healed, or well, or any combination thereof, he can give you things that you can't give yourself.”
“I am accounting for the humanity of every Black Man in my life. I'm taking the case that he is wounded, that he's not malicious. He's wounded.”
“There’s a level of healing required to allow yourself to receive the love of a Black Man who is willing to do the work and heal with you.”

Mentioned:

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