The Kitchen Is On Fire

Oct 05 2020 70 mins 974

Food writer James Ramsden and musician Sam Herlihy dish up a weekly offering of food-related nonsense, exploring the complex and often confusing world of modern gastronomy. One minute they might be discussing the qualities of rice vinegar, the next asking whether or not Cher actually enjoys sharing plates. With special guests and even more special games, The Kitchen Is On Fire is a essential listening for anyone with ears. Follow them on Twitter @Kitchen_On_Fire.

Ep 253: Tactical Urbanism Part One | Featuring Petra Barran of Kerb
Aug 31 2020 40 mins  
This week’s episode is beamed into yer ear canals from The Garret where James and Sam are reunited upon the microphones in person for the first time since the worldwide covid calamity hellscape we all find ourselves in now, began. Said microphones are actually bust so huge apologies for the shoddy sound this week, and last week. We assure you said garbage sonics will be remedied by next week. Anyway, it’s worth battling the mildly irritating sound to hear about the Ramsden family’s very first visit to Sam’s house. Yep that’s right, James has never ever been to Sam’s house, until a week ago. This summit of the two mighty Families Of TickyOff was quite the affair, involving Sunday Sauce, a vomiting child, a free handbag and a vast Kilner jar full of orange squash. There’s also discussion of another twitter kerfuffle involving an Italian restaurant and the pair ponder whether or not insects drink liquids. After that highest of octane starts finally Petra Barran arrives. Among many other things Petra is the founder of Kerb, the street food facilitator par excellence. Petra discusses moving to New Orleans, being rather than doing, how to grow and surviving the recession. She is also incredibly wise upon some pretty grande topics such as financial empowerment, feeling a part of a place and why food is the canary in the coal mine for landlords and developers. All in all, there was far too much we didn’t get chance to yap about so Petra will be back soon for part two of this pretty goddamn interesting triple mouthed babblefest. This episode is sponsored by wine sellers of wine

Ep250: The Pidgin Position | Featuring Emma Underwood from Darby's and Selin Kiazim from Oklava
Jul 24 2020 46 mins  
Humanity can rely upon The TickyOff Boyz for many things. Incredible insight, semi-raw sensuality, arguments about vegetables and wraith chat. They can also be relied upon to somehow forget amazing milestones. This week they’ve managed to utterly fail to notice that this is their 250th episode. Therefore, expect nothing more special than the usual unbelievably special high end, top shelf blend of sounds from mouths. This week they’re talking the great reopening of restaurants post-lockdown. To that end The TickyOff Two have brought Emma Underwood, GM of Darby’s and Selin Kiazim chef and owner of Oklava and Oklava Bakery to tell all about their respective reopening experiences and their hopes for the future. Emma talks customer expectations and how their lockdown takeaway business went. Selin talks dropping service charge, luck and the need for a reset of the hospitality business. Before these two wise and wonderful women arrive James has shaved his head again, lost his son (temporarily) again, and is cooking a rubbish vegetable again. Sam meanwhile is about to eat a chicken burger and gives a truly woeful, completely circular answer to a question. It’s appalling and he still feels ashamed of his fence sitting, noncommittal, wishy washy nonsense response. Anyway, 250 episodes in, it’s still TickyOff and you still probably need to wake up. This week’s episode is sponsored by wine gurus

Ep249: The Stealth Kayak | Featuring ES Magazine restaurant critic Jimi Famurewa
Jul 07 2020 57 mins  
This episode starts off with a song from James. It’s quite the thing. James is here after a day of some quality DIY commitment, Sam is not loving beer, there’s carbonara chat and cannelloni yap too. This is followed up with some ‘reopening of the pubs’ discussion, Sam’s father in law’s digital sea sickness and the sad demise of Cafe Rouge. Before this week’s guest arrives there’s also some No Seat Christopher Nolan verbals and Sam has a weirdly erotic dream….. Praise be that aforementioned guest Jimi Famurewa shows up in the nick of time to talk lockdown, making his mum happy, Kid and Play, what the role of a food critic looks like post-pandemic and what happens when one Googles themselves. There’s also time to discuss the fall of ex-Lucky Peach Editor Peter Meehan*, the hopefully inevitable fall of toxic food world twat energy culture and Jimi discusses what and where he feels his lane is in food writing. *To be clear, which this episode is not, (due to the loss of some audio to Zoom glitching), all three of us stand in complete sympathy and solidarity with anyone who had to deal with the grim sounding Peter Meehan. Listening back maybe it’s not crystal clear but the part where I (Sam) said exactly that, has been lost to the digital ether and I wanted that to be made, if required, abundantly clear. Ta, and apologies for any confusion. This episode is sponsored by wine seat users

Ep246: A Rush Of Blood To The Head Of Hair | Featuring Q Magazine Deputy Editor Niall Doherty
Jun 22 2020 59 mins  
Listen up listeners. This episode of the greatest podcast about food that humankind has ever even dreamed of is here. The gratitude y’all must/should have coursing through yer veins means there may not be room enough within those veins for blood! Be careful. If you feel lightheaded, lay down. If you die, lay down too. I guess you will lay down naturally to be fair, if you die. Anyway, don’t blame us. This episode features a second appearance by (possibly) Sam’s favourite person on earth (Apologetic shout out to his children, wife, family and James) deputy editor of Q Magazine Niall Doherty. Niall yaps up a goddarn storm on his legendary airport beers, spatchcocking chickens and how to approach tough subjects in interviews. There’s also a solid ten minutes of connection issues and bad sound which I left in because it made me laugh. Niall also tells perhaps the greatest celebrity hangtime story you’ve ever heard which somehow manages to include Noel Gallagher, Joe Biden, Peroni beers and a magician in a perspex box. Before Niall drops by Sam has had a huge surprise, an Alex Turner moment and no sausages. James has had a weird skin condition, has a theory about Blue predicting the pandemic and may have had a traybake. All this plus Frank Sinatra, a Coldplay related hair transplant and a decent amount of borscht chat. This is TickyOff and what doesn’t kill you might make you stronger, or might kill you in the end. It’s tough to tell. This episode is sponsored by wine para para paradise

Ep245: Potato Technology | Featuring restaurateur and author Margot Henderson
Jun 15 2020 47 mins  
‘Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” So asked brother of Guy, Lionel Richie, in his 1964 hit cover of Adele’s ‘lover as ghost’ spooky hit song ‘Hello’. Now, Lionel R raises a more than interesting question here. It’s all a question of perception. Let’s start here: 1. Is the person you are looking for Lionel Richie? 2. Is the person you are looking for Margot Henderson? This gets more than complicated at this stage in that we now must consider whether Lionel is asking this question of humankind itself or merely addressing the globe spanning vastness of the TickyOff listenership direct. It’s tough to tell. I’ll leave you to ponder on that and wonder why Lionel might choose to impersonate Margot Henderson of Rochelle Canteen, Rochelle At The ICA, The French House back in the day, author of ‘You’re All Invited’ and all round legend of London hospitality. Anyway, my train of thought has completely derailed and I'm very sorry for the stupid digression above. Margot Henderson is on the pod! Margot tells all about life in lockdown at the Henderson’s, mould on the march on the Mall (that’s a weird line), her move from New Zealand to London and the perils of skinning eels. She also talks about her favourite cooking utensils, turnip cake disasters, sausages with artist Sarah Lucas and getting a certificate from Pizza Express. Before Margot arrives James is wearing some sort of animal on his head and really digs Michael Bolton but might be less keen on US policy hawk John Bolton. Sam has just woken up from a nap, once made a veloute and has never seen ‘The English Patient’. Who knows what in all hell any of the above means, I feel like I may have hit my head before writing this nonsense. Anyway, it’s TickyOff and if you don’t know what that means by now then you will never ever ever know me.* *Shout out Simply Red. Real talk. This episode is sponsored by wine stars

Ep240: Ainsley | Featuring chef and tv legend Ainsley Harriott
May 26 2020 73 mins  
‘Search for the hero inside yourself' sang M People on their third single from their multi platinum selling album ‘Bizarre Fruit’. Here at TickyOff Industries we’re not the sort to go around telling people what to do. If you want to listen to Heather Small’s instruction and look inside yourself somewhere for a hero then go right ahead. That’s your shout. We would gently suggest however that perhaps a hero can be located somewhere far more accessible, and lets be honest, more hygienically. Said hero is Ainsley Harriott and while he might be found in your heart, he can definitely be found on this darn skybusting world shaking episode of Thee Most Holy TickyOff. That’s right people, wake up. Ainsley Harriott is here. And The TickyOff Two finally meet someone as magnetic, charming and lovely as themselves. Ainsley tells all about his dog Shy Basmati Bob, his pianist father, alternative cabaret, cricket and sexy James Martin in a bandana. He talks about soul searching during lockdown, what it’s like being Ainsley Harriott in a supermarket and the ups and downs of his long career in food. The TickyOff Boyz also hassle Ainsley on what he cooks at home, where he likes to eat out and whether or not he rocks Ready Steady Cook reunions with the legendary likes of Paul Rankin and Anthony Worrall Thompson. Before Ainsley shows, James witnesses a horse attack on a dog and has run a ludicrous distance. Meanwhile Sam has wet hair and a book about Posh And Becks. All this plus, Ainsley’s grandfather’s face is attacked by a ghost! This episode was a vast pleasure to record and we couldn’t be more grateful to Ainsley for his time. Now you can experience this vast pleasure and be grateful to us for giving it to you. You are welcome. This episode is sponsored by wine red tomatoes Please do visit our Patreon here:

Ep237: Chaotically Single | Featuring comedian Youngmi Mayer
May 15 2020 49 mins  
This episode of TickyOff is a true first for humankind. Unlike the moon landings and ventriloquism however, this is real. It’s the first transatlantic episode. That’s right. The TickyOff Two thumb their noses at many vast bodies of water, none more so than the Atlantic. They fling their mouthsounds from these foul green shores of Albion across that pathetic puddle of an ‘ocean’ and in return, from Gotham City aka NYC, they hear the mouthsounds of Youngmi Mayer, comedian and Mission Chinese Food co-owner. Youngmi brings her usual searing honesty to her life in lockdown, dating online, swearing in front of her son, what it means to be ‘chaotically single’, shutting down the Mission restaurants in San Francisco and New York, and why Beach House are the true sound of dating hookups in 2020. Before Youngmi arrives Sam looks nice, calls James a turtle and cooked a dish by a disgraced chef. James meanwhile reads a grim recipe by Barbara Cartland and was insulted in the street. All this plus TickyOff takes another one of it’s patented controversial issue stances, this week they are very anti a certain war criminal. And they all agree that lockdown would be very easy indeed if you got to do it with Tom Hardy. This episode was a damn joy to record and it will be a damn joy for your ears so wake up and tip it in ‘em. This episode is sponsored by the true romance novelists of wine Youngmi can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ymmayer, her podcast @feelingasianpodcast and Instadate Live @instadatelive

Ep234: Mum Soup | Featuring Abbie Herlihy and Rosie Ramsden
May 03 2020 66 mins  
The episode of TickyOff that lies before your ears contains four mouths. Two of these mouths belong to the TickyOff Boyz. One each. One apiece. The remaining two mouths belong to the TickyOff Boyz wives. You come to each episode of TickyOff searching for qualities you cannot find in other podcasts. Traits such as speedy wit, semi-raw sexuality, towering intelligence upon such subjects as ghosts and skillets. Some people would tell you that these things do not in fact exist upon, within, The TickyOff. These people are wrong. At least for this one episode. With their wondrous brides alongside them The TickyOff Two reach new heights of wonderment for the betterment of humankind…. Before they arrive James kicks off at bathtime, sends an aggy email and goes on a rant about the much misunderstood service charge issues facing hospitality. Sam talks about Blink 182 again. Then Abbie Herlihy and Rosie Ramsden arrive and it becomes very clear, very quickly, that the true power behind the TickyOff Throne, belongs to these two. Abbie talks about her kids cooking school Kitcheneers and how her parents met inside a windmill. Rosie tells all about her life drawing supper club Charcoal and why she’d pick Goose over Maverick. Meanwhile Sam is puerile, did something grim with a tin of tuna and is attacked by a crow while inside a tent. James disses toastie machines, has a vast collection of decorative napkin rings and doesn’t understand Monopoly. There might not be a vaccine for coronavirus just yet, but while we wait, there’s TickyOff. Be grateful. This episode is sponsored by wine test and tracers For more information on Kitcheneers please visit: For further information on Charcoal please visit:

Ep231: Zoom On Fire | Featuring writer Joe Warwick
Apr 23 2020 48 mins  
This episode of Thine TickyOff (we do it all for you because we are kind and generous) features Joe Warwick creating mouthsounds, with his mouth of all things. It’s quite the performance. Joe is fresh from a tricky Instagram Live debut with Rene Redzepi of Noma and Amanda Cohen of Dirt Candy in NYC. Joe makes it very clear that his appearance on TickyOff is a far greater honour than yapping it up with the ant man and the veggie botherer… Before Joe arrives, Sam ‘reveals’ he’s hungover and once more ‘reveals’ he doesn’t like salmon very much. James ‘reveals’ that he made burgers and also ‘reveals’ that you can now buy a kit with which to make burgers at home. This kit chat then devolves in to a long joke that seems likely to only be found amusing by the TickyOff Boyz themselves and no one else….apologies. Then Joe shows and these three bros get into The Strokes. More specifically how good a singer Julian Casablancas is and whether or not their new record is any cop. There’s a long discussion about runners and the etiquette of running during lockdown and Roger Moore comperes the World’s 50 Best Awards. They also cover the fall of influencers, apologising to your children and the hope that we could maybe come out the other side of this crisis a little healthier. Is this it? No, it’s TickyOff. This episode is sponsored by fab wine folk Also, if you could possibly spare a penny or two for the pod in these tricky as all hell times, we'd be most grateful. Hit up our Patreon here:

Ep222: Leather Gloves | Featuring chef and restaurateur Neil Rankin
Mar 22 2020 74 mins  
This episode of TickyOff was recorded before the sweeping shut down of restaurants across the UK. Humble apologies therefore for any out of date statements. Having said that, if you’re listening to TickyOff for well considered and cutting edge thoughts…you’ve got bigger problems to focus on. This week James and Sam are joined by Neil Rankin, chef and owner of Simplicity Burger on Brick Lane in London. Neil utilises his mouth to create sounds concerning good agriculture, why he decided to get into vegan burgers and a childhood haunting in Edinburgh. Meanwhile James takes a swing at a beloved institution and Sam has a weird idea for a panacotta recipe. There’s also time for quantum mechanics and a tag team wrestling match. It’s Tickyoff, and in times like these, sometimes there’s nothing better. Wake up. And self-isolate. And wash your hands. And don’t stockpile. This week’s episode is sponsored by wine suppliers for the apocalypse Also, this: ***Hi everyone. Crumbs. You'd think we'd be amused by an actual ghost town but it's not really very funny anymore. We've both come off payroll and are doing our best to keep the roof on at S+D and Pidgin. We're also going to keep doing the podcast because we feel everyone is going to need a little light entertainment in these coming months. Guests may be hit and miss and can join at their discretion. Anyway. At the risk of going a little cap-in-hand, we've set up a Patreon account. That means you can support the podcast - and, you know, us - by bunging us a few quid each month. Absolutely no pressure at all but if you felt moved to do so then we would be eternally grateful and will give you a shout out on the show. Thanks so much.***

Ep218: OK Clafoutis | Featuring author of 'The Flavour Thesaurus' Niki Segnit
Feb 16 2020 77 mins  
Yeah yeah, it’s TickyOff again. It’s another week, another episode, yet another glittering aural extravaganza that has put James and Sam on the covers of Time Magazine, Pulitzer Weekly, The Hollywood Reporter, Nuts, Railway Modeller, Playgirl and The Chichester District Council in-house quarterly. Verbal performances at this level have also seen The TickyOff Two hosting world events such as The Oscars, The Grammys, Rear Of The Year and that restaurant magazine one sponsored by a Spanish beer company that they never get invited to… This week begins very strangely as James calls Sam ‘mate’, which he has never ever done. It’s weird but they push on into organ donation, Egyptian death rituals and a horrific toad in the hole that James made. Then author of ‘The Flavour Thesaurus’ and ‘Lateral Cooking’, Niki Segnit arrives and things take a turn towards parenting twins, recipe genealogy and the benefits of using cup measurements. They also discuss James's very odd 1950’s breakfast set-up, Niki’s vast and deep seated Radiohead obsession and the zen that can be found in utter boredom. Furthermore, a real gang of folk are discussed including David Foster Wallace, John Nash, John Lanchester and Nicole Kidman. All this plus, vampires vs werewolves, ‘Shallow Grave’ and why Baileys is proper underrated. This week’s episode is sponsored by wine genius type folk

Ep215: The Beamer - Part One | Featuring chef and restaurateur Gary Usher
Jan 26 2020 73 mins  
Hello. This is TickyOff. If you don’t know the drill by now then wake up. This is the 215th episode of this jazzy chat based ballyhoo and it’s a damn fine one. This week James opens huge with a long chat about an imaginary engine, goes to the pub with his children and has a weird obsession with doughnuts. Sam just about manages to equal this unbelievably top rate chat by de-icing cats, arguing with a customer about sourdough and possibly becoming pregnant. Then chef and restaurateur Gary Usher arrives and one of the great pyramidical mouthnoise structures is aurally created for you. Gary has had a chat with a cabbie, made himself redundant in his own business and came up short in a 'This Morning' screentest. He may also, possibly, have been watching ‘The Fugitive’ in the back seat of his car and/or eating sausages with a spoon. Like much of TickyOff, it’s a little unclear. Despite such weapons grade hilarity, this episode features some very honest reflections on regret, social media, the frustrations of the restaurant industry and taking responsibility. Episode two one five proves once more that there is pretty much nothing the TickyOff Boyz can’t deliver on the podcast stage. From addled nonsense to tearful confession, TickyOff is basically Amazon Prime for human emotion, just minus the awful working conditions and the fella with the naughty videos on his phone. Know this. This week’s episode is sponsored by the Prime of wine

Ep211: The Pod Of St John | Featuring Fergus Henderson and Trevor Gulliver
Dec 22 2019 126 mins  
For the 2019 TickyOff Christmas Special Sam and James have lunch with two absolute heroes; Fergus Henderson and Trevor Gulliver. Said lunch takes place at St John. For twenty five years, it is said that Fergus ‘puts it on the plate’ and Trevor ‘puts it in the glass’ at St John. Since before time began, The TickyOff Boyz have been said to ‘put it on the pod’. So a recording of the lunch has flat-out been put….on the pod. Great quantities of wine are drunk, greater quantities of food are eaten. However, the substance in greatest supply during this feast, is chat. Solid gold festive chat. Is that angels singing? No, it’s Fergus and Trevor’s origin story involving hotdogs at a dog track. Is that the sound of jingle bells….jingling? Nah, that’s Lee Tiernan yap, AA Gill discussion and Jonathan Gold babble. Ah, the gentle pop of chestnuts roasting on an open fire! Alas no, your ears deceive you, that’s James eating snails, Sam’s cat dying during recording and Fergus teaching the correct irrigation technique for Worcestershire sauce on a rarebit. Other Christmas miracles on aural display include Paul Bocuse’s ever growing toque, stuffing as a Christmas lunch prep jazz moment, ‘Master And Commander’ and the serenity of bread sauce. The TickyOff Boyz were and remain, very honoured and grateful to have been invited to lunch with two such legendary fellows. In much the same way as you are no doubt honoured and grateful to be able to listen in. Happy Christmas dear listeners. We have love for you. In a way. This week’s episode is sponsored by your very own Christmas miracles at RIP Ripley x

Ep200: The End Part Two | Featuring The TickyOff Boyz
Sep 29 2019 68 mins  
So this is it. The end of the line. Game over. Butch and Sundance going out in a blaze of glory or John Virgo and Jim Davidson going their separate ways after ‘Big Break’ is not renewed for another series of brilliant snooker themed light entertainment. The TickyOff Boys have towered over the world of podcasts for decades now. The awards too numerous to mention (Three Nobel Peace Prizes, a Field’s Medal in advanced mathematics, four A* at A-Level, a fifty metre swimming badge, Most Improved Player Chichester City Colts 1989, Horse Rear Of The Year 2001 and many many more too numerous to mention such as Grand National Winner 1974, Miss World 1980, 1981, 1982, Largest Marrow Widnes County Council Allotment Fete 2002, Grammy awards for best packaging and best guitar solo on a Latin Salsa track, WWF Wrestlemania Tag Team Champions 1988, and other awards far too numerous to mention). It’s time for them to pass the torch, hand over the baton, step aside, let others attempt their own journeys to the very peak of human achievement via the medium of a vaguely food based podcast. They go out as they came in, talking nonsense, delivering great wisdom and basically keeping it so real that reality itself somehow becomes even more real than humankind ever believed it could be in reality….. In this emotional final farewell, James wants to kill cats and had a terrible salad at his own wedding. Sam really wants a hug from a prior podcast guest and is afraid of trampolines. There is a long and involved discussion about horse feet, why you shouldn’t kiss your Dad on the lips and they finally answer a question TickyOff fans have asked for years: What do you wear in bed? There’s also time for a long promised deep dive into why Magpie failed, Dame Barbara Cartland and some discussion about piles. This was TickyOff and one day the true majestic wonder of it will be studied and appreciated by the human/alien hybrids that will rule Planet Earth millennia from now. The TickyOff Boyz accept the gratitude and the love of you all. We know what we have provided, how much we have raised up civilisation. We are very humble human/God people. You’re welcome. This week’s episode is sponsored by wine providers to the stars

Ep198: Provable Idiocy | Featuring writer, photographer and baker Dan Lepard
Sep 15 2019 77 mins  
Albert Einstein. Marie Curie. Paul Daniels. All incredible scientists whose insights and incredible brains pushed humankind to ever greater heights. Add to this absolutely legendary braintrust two further names, James Of Ramsden and Sam O’Herlihy AKA The Gawddarn TickyOff Boyz. The reason their names deserve to sit alongside the science nerds named above? This episode of TickyOff. Who else could conceive of a ghost named Derek? Who else could open a sandwich shop yesterday? Who else could slag off a beloved steak based restaurateur this much? Who else can update the humble fork to a new and spectacular level? Get those wacky Nobel folk on the phone, The TickyOff Boyz just ordered a few Peace Prizes and a bag of medals. To go. Wake up. This week esteemed baker, writer, photographer and general Flour Lord Dan Lepard is here. Dan creates mouth sounds for your ears on topics ranging from learning before the internet, eating at other people’s houses, wanting more anger in food writing and why restaurants should maybe stop trying to bake their own damn bread. The three mouths available for this week’s episode also get into the problem with ‘cucina povera’, food as a psychedelic drug, the world marmalade awards and the genealogy of classic restaurant dishes. I get it, this much incredible content has probably already melted your grey brains out through your earholes but guess what? There’s even more packed in here, like a porky farce in a chicken’s chest cavity. Sam thinks he might have seen the Turin Shroud, Dan visits a number of Turin adult cinemas and James wonders on a decision with planet destroying possibilities: Is it time for them to quit The Tickyoff for good?…….. This week’s episode is sponsored by the really lovely and kind people at

Ep196: Eating Peacock | Featuring journalist and broadcaster Giles Coren
Sep 01 2019 99 mins  
Firstly a little note, our mighty sandwich shop Sons + Daughters opens soon in Kings Cross! Listen to this episode on the way there and you may hear word of a TICKYOFF FAN EXCLUSIVE OFFER!!! Now, on with the babble…. Guess who’s back? A bunch of easily preventable diseases? Correct. Anti-vaxers, a plague upon yer unvaccinated houses. Fascism? Correct. Fascists are, much like love is in mega hit ‘Love Is All Around’ by Wet Wet Wet, all around. Twee and dull indie pop band Bombay Bicycle Club? Yep. I was surprised too, but they are indeed back and dropping some more twee and dull indie pop 'bangers' as we speak. In a world where awful things keep coming back, we need something amazing to come back. Something magnificent and brilliant and mindblowing. Something like the goddamn TickyOff Boyz packing another galaxy humping episode of the solar system’s favourite podcast* The Goddamn TickyOff. *We checked, and aliens think all that NPR nonsense, and Maron, and that buff fella and the freakynomics chap all SUUUUUCCCCKKK. We are massive in Saturn and could not be bigger on Pluto. Don’t write in to our email address that I’ve forgotten to tell me: ‘Oh well actually Pluto isn’t classified as a planet now actually I think you’ll find actually’. Because if I could remember the damn login then I’d reply: ‘Actually, don’t be unkind to Pluto. you can’t take that designation away just because someone cleaned the lens on Hubble and found that Pluto was actually just some birdmess on the glass that made it appear as if there was a planet there. That’s incredibly mean to them and at this point considering what we’re doing to Earth I’d say that our rock barely still qualifies as a planet too so pipe down planetary nomenclature pedant!’ Well, that really went somewhere. Anyway, this week the Boyz slip right into some pig offal chat, Yorkie bars, holiday romances and the merits of cargo pants. James is irritated by a French fishmonger and Sam tries to impress a girl by killing someone. If that wasn’t controversial enough Giles Coren shows up and……is Giles Coren. Unrepentant, Gary Lineker dissing, risotto loathing, music hating, peacock eating Giles Coren. He’s back from Greece, might be a secret vegan and while he may not enjoy eating dormice, he’s not shy of putting down a peacock or two. This is what you’ve been missing all summer. While the world burned itself and its moral compass to cinders, The TickyOff was just waiting for its moment to return, like a soothing aural salve for the grim ills of humanity. Sound based Savlon for the sore graze of humankind. You don’t get that from bloody Maron now do you? Wake up. This week’s episode is sponsored by intergalactic wine pedlars

Ep195: Fire! Sex! Money! | Featuring actor and comedian Natasia Demetriou
Jul 28 2019 67 mins  
This week on TickyOff there is the usual mix of witty banter, interesting food tips and tricks, béarnaise technique, a deep dive into Escoffier’s legacy and how to help your children if they happen to be fussy eaters. The above is a bald faced lie, despite the fact that my face is very much un-bald. It is haired. Non-bald. Like a rugged peach. What there actually is a masturbating ghost ape, hawk excrement, Tilda Swinton eating rats, how to turn into a bat and turning Matt Berry into Kris Kristofferson. Natasia Demetriou, star of ‘What We Do In The Shadows’, ‘Stath Lets Flats’ and ‘Ellie And Natasia’ is here and the TickyOff Boyz are nervous because they think she’s just swell. They try and quell the nerves before she arrives with the aforementioned sexy chimp spectre and the raptor mess. Sam wants to know if birds can smell. James gets annoyed and laughs a lot. Then Natasia arrives and yaps up a goddamn storm about auditioning, her deep love for free snacks, visiting a half built EuroDisney and she reads a moving passage from her teenage diary about her heartfelt concern for her friends when they started smoking in a playground. There’s also room in this meaty stuffed goose of an episode for the Goss brothers eating Ginsters, pigeons eating Mighty White and Natasia comes out swinging at schools for clowns. This week’s episode is sponsored by rare Giant Condors of the world of wine

Ep194: Mousse Lover | Featuring Luke Moore from The Football Ramble podcast
Jul 21 2019 82 mins  
When the human race looks back upon the greatest mistakes that civilisation has made throughout the span of life upon planet Earth, the first part of this episode of TickyOff will no doubt take it’s shameful place upon the list. Yes, Season 2 of ‘Prison Break’, Donald ‘Duck/Dick’ Trump, and Magpie on 10 Heddon Street were all calamitous nightmares. They were all utter disasterpieces that seemingly paid no heed to the vast swathes of human progress that came before them. None however are as awful as the first twenty minutes or so of the episode about to drip, grimly, into your ear things. It could all have been avoided. Things get off to an alright start as the TickyOff boys open serious with a deep dive into a dreadful customer at Pidgin. However what follows can only be described as a aural pile up involving multiple failures of imagination, poor quality decision making and pretty base stupidity. All is not lost however! You can skip forward to the arrival of this week’s guest, Pod Lord, Luke Moore. The minute he shows up, things get a huge amount better. Luke spills mouth-made sound beans all over the damn place regarding his (nearly as popular as TickyOff) podcast, 'The Football Ramble', the wonders of Gosport, his deep love of pop music, and a dog he knows who ate a sock. There’s also ‘Midsommar’ chat, Sir Richard Stein discussion and a goalkeeper who believed an ancient Mayan prophecy and missed training. Finally there’s time for the return of Who Eats What?, mousse love and the much missed aeroplane-eater Monsieur Mangetout. This week’s episode is sponsored by the very best wine pedlars in all of Gaia,

Ep193: Chronology Of Outrage | Featuring Eater London editor Adam Coghlan
Jul 14 2019 88 mins  
Last week the TickyOff Boyz visited the ancient pyramids. As they approached these magnificent desert triangles, Sam jumped down from James’s mighty back and noticed something. “A triangle has three points!” Sam bellowed powerfully. James snorted in agreement and they both immediately reached the same conclusion. They should find a guest who had been on the TickyOff twice before and invite them back on the TickyOff for a third TickyOff appearance so that they could be the first triangular guest on the TickyOff. What better way to pay homage to their favourite shape, the triangle? There was only one possible human who could achieve this milestone, Eater London editor, Adam Coghlan. Sam jumped back astride his trusty steed with a powerful cry of: “To home, my equine buddy!” They turned away from the sandy three sided brick stacks and rode home to TickyOff Towers to anoint the very first TickyOff Triangle Human. Adam ponders on why some people hate Eater London, the AA Gill award controversy, influencers, nuance torpedoes and reaching across an aisle. He comes out in support of a foul crisp and raves about Tata Eatery. Also, Sam has had an operation on his back and legged it from a nurse. James went to Yorkshire and cooked a rubbish salmon-based meal. There’s gildas discussion, Adam wears something called The Bill Oddie and Sam goes up to the top of the Royal Opera House only to discover a strange genre of toilet. This weeks’ episode is sponsored by legendary whisperers of wine

Ep189: Live From Gotham City! A Chewy Scenario | Featuring chef-owner of King restaurant Jess Shadbolt
Jun 16 2019 75 mins  
The TickyOff Boyz have sailed across the North Sea in a galleon. A traverse which no one has ever managed to survive despite humankind attempting it for millennia. Upon reaching the far shore, James and Sam discover a strange land, a city named Gotham, and a vast number of sandwiches. Fortunately for you they record their discoveries and provide great insight into them by rubbing their teeth together and shaking their tongues to create mouth sounds which your ear bones can detect. They have made this incredible, and brave, journey on a research trip to discover whether the people of Gotham can make better sandwiches than the TickyOff Gang. It turns out, no they can’t. They also see some spooky black smoke, are yelled at by a taxi driver called Dennis and they eat a pickle-packet on a busy intersection. James tries to outwit a buffet, Sam has fallen deep into a Coldplay shaped rabbit-hole and they both wonder, once more, where exactly Jackson Boxer has got stuck this week. Then they meet up with chef and co-owner of King restaurant Jess Shadbolt and things get more than real. Jess adds her mouth noises to proceedings concerning restaurant scene camaraderie, disastrous services, the realities of running a restaurant in NYC and advice and help from food world heavyweights Dave Chang, Gabrielle Hamilton and Will Beckett from Hawksmoor. Will also seems to pop up throughout the pod as everyone thinks that he and the drummer from Coldplay may well be the same person. There’s also time for flapJack, a lot of borlotti bean chat, ’Sleepless In Seattle’ and Sam and James reveal exactly what Le Page is. This week’s episode is sponsored by the kind and generous people at and by the Bane and Batman of wine at

Ep187: Killer Photography | Featuring music photographer Edu Hawkins
Jun 02 2019 74 mins  
Gary Rhodes in his spiky-haired prime, delicately basting a filet of beef with foaming butter… Nigel Kennedy in an Aston Villa shirt picking out a heartrending melody on his violin… Les Dennis effortlessly controlling a studio audience with wit, good looks, and pure charm… All masters in their respective fields. Operating at the very top of their games. Providing inspiration, inspiring jealousy, moving humankind forward, showing the way. Proving what is possible with God-given talent and almost superhuman dedication. None even come close to James Reginald Colin Ramsden talking about postboxes on this week’s TickyOff. None. It’s obviously slightly downhill after a start as incredible as this one but music photographer Edu Hawkins steps up and more than holds his own. He provides ample mouth-created sounds about photographing BB King, Gil Scott Heron, Jarvis Cocker, and perhaps less impressively, Ed Sheeran. There’s also New Orleans food discussion, the problem with The Foo Fighters and strange toilets in restaurants. Finally, Sam is very anti reckless activity, James reviews Gloria Trattoria, Edu can’t burp and they all decide what they’d want to see if they peeled the skin of their faces off. This is TickyOff and if you don’t know what you’ve signed up for, then read the small print ya phony! This week’s episode is sponsored by the Levi Roots of wine

Ep186: TickyOff In Thailand | Featuring author Kay Plunkett-Hogge and Pok Pok chef-restaurateur Andy Ricker
May 26 2019 83 mins  
Horses are beautiful creatures. Powerful animal shaped beings with long faces, wavy manes and metal feet. Sometimes you just have to set them free. In a move which again illustrates Sam’s heroic, humble and truly depthless humanity, this week he unhitches the saddle from James’s back, unties the plaits in James’s mane, feeds James a sugarcube and lets him run free for the very first time. As the leather seat of bondage falls to ground, and the sugarcube crunches beneath those big horsey teeth, James turns to Sam and in those dark, somewhat vacant equine eyes, there lies a question: Can this be true? That you would give me….the world? The world entire in which I can canter? Sam says nothing, but the look in his powerful, and stunning, blue eyes, says more than any words ever could. But if there were any words the four legged ass would understand, they would be something like: Of course I give you this, donkey buddy. I am just an everyday hero. Then the horse runs off to Thailand. That’s right, this week, Sam heroically steps aside and allows James to carry the pod on his broad mule-like back. He’s in Thailand talking to food writer Kay Plunkett-Hogge and chef and restaurateur of Pok Pok, Andy Ricker. Don’t worry though, there’s at least a little Sam this week in the intro where he emits mouth sounds concerning unexplained falling objects over Chichester, cooks something which James says is gross and takes a swing at both his mother and his sister for complaining about a prior podcast. Plus there’s a very serious chat about redemption, hand to hand combat with vegetables and teaching your kid how to behave via the movies of James Bond. This week’s episode is sponsored by the Redrum’s of wine

Ep185: The Gambler | Featuring comedian Ed Gamble
May 19 2019 85 mins  
The humility and truly humble nature of the TickyOff Boyz is what many people believe has led to their vast success in life, and in podcasting. Sure, there’s the wonderful humanitarian work they do. There’s Sam’s work with people affected by ghost hauntings or James’s selfless support of people who look like horses to name but two. These vast achievements on behalf of humankind itself generally fly under the radar completely because Sam and James don’t do them for the recognition, the fame, the well wishes or the financial reward. They do these things because they are probably two of the greatest human people ever to have lived. You wouldn’t know it to meet them though, they’d just shrug and bat away any compliments. ‘It’s just who we are’ they’d say. 'It’s just what we do’ they’d say. You’d be honoured to be in their presence and you’d be left with more questions than answers. How can two people be that kind, that handsome and that successful yet also that pure of heart and endeavour? It’s incredible. They really are very special indeed. All of these qualities are in full effect on this week’s episode. Sam has been digging a river and named it after himself. James has a Vicks stain on his teeshirt which only adds to his raw sexuality. There is a fascinating discussion of names, learning from burning, and James keeps naming members of semi-obscure British rock band of the early Noughties, Oceansize. Then comedian, rival food podcaster and heavy music fan Ed Gamble arrives and two mouths become three, like viral bacteria multiplies but in an aural sense. Ed talks about his start in comedy, 'Big Train', dressing like a rabbit (consensually) and why he may or may not be wearing chainmail underwear. There’s also a discussion about sensitivity in comedy, the fall of Louis CK and what the most metal of woodwind instruments might be. Somehow they also manage to fit in Dungeons And Dragons, dal, Ed’s fiancee burning a Jamaican curry, James names yet more members of semi-obscure British rock band of the early Noughties, Oceansize, and Sam flat out demands that Ed picks a pulse. This is God’s work, if God is in fact two boyz named TickyOff. Humanity, you are welcome. This week’s episode is sponsored by an incredible bag of wine from Buy it and drink it. It helps.

Ep184: Edible Fingers | Featuring food writer and cookbook author Rosie Birkett
May 10 2019 93 mins  
Serious stuff before the nonsense begins…. This Sunday James is running the Hackney Half Marathon along with his brother Will in aid of Bipolar UK, in memory of their uncle George. You can sponsor them at: The computer has crashed at TickyOff Towers and sadly for you, a vast slab of pork chop based chat has been lost forever. Awful as this is, Sam and James manage to recover from the loss with an even heftier chunk of mouth sounds. James is fed up with London, may have hair plugs and proposed to his wife while watching a somewhat saucy movie. Meanwhile, Sam is concerned about a room service order in ‘Ghostbusters’, has meddled with Ash Nute’s pork chops and steals food from his son’s plate. Then food writer Rosie Birkett arrives. She is late, but fortunately her tardiness is more than forgiven as she comes bearing a swathe of gifts for the TickyOff Two. Then, this trio of mouths in three skulls get to delivering at a high level on such topics as the music venues of Leeds, the joy of baking sourdough, dining in Mexico and the long list of food related words which get one’s back up. Also, find out why Rosie was known as ‘Food Perv’, learn her thoughts on Dad Fashion and begin to understand exactly what strange behaviours Sam would get up to if he was ever invited on ‘Saturday Kitchen’. Finally there is a chilling tale of Rosie’s near demise in the jaws of a giant lizard, also called Rosie. James takes a meal to a blogger and his nan who may or may not be nude, and Sam wears a name badge. Thrilling stuff. It’s wild, it’s the opposite of mild and it sure does go on for a while. It’s TickyOff, and it’s the very best thing human beings can experience. Clothing might be optional, but safety is always paramount. This week’s episode is sponsored by great adventurers on both sea and land

Ep183: Just Don't Cry | Featuring novelist Evie Wyld
May 05 2019 93 mins  
We know that our listeners worldwide come to TickyOff for many things, solace, James’s raw eroticism, Sam’s happy go lucky demeanor, ghost focused discussion. What few are looking for is a working knowledge of human, or animal, biology. That can only be a good thing. Especially in this week’s episode. Somehow there are foul tear-ducts, talking sausages which may contain the ghosts of deceased pigs, the intelligence of corvids, sharks scaring whales and sheep stuck in blackberry bushes. Oh, and a mechanical spider. Contributing to this menagerie of nonsense is author and bookshop owner Evie Wyld. She proves that she can communicate words via sounds created in her mouth not just on a page. It’s amazing. She discusses reviews, how she writes, unsuitable books for kids and treating escaped criminals like hedgehogs. Meanwhile, Sam has stolen some erotic fiction from his mother, had a terrible experience in a highly regarded restaurant and thinks he looks like Harold from ‘Neighbours’. James has been to a theme park, is planning on test driving a Lamborghini and wants to make an Isle Of Wight based remake of ‘The Rock’. Also, a little trigger warning for any dinner ladies listening in, James says ‘scrotum’ to one of your kind and Evie’s son punches one of your gang full in the face. Apologies in advance. We know that is no way to treat elderly slop-delivery folk but we have to keep it honest on the TickyOff and these things happened. This is real life. Wake up. This week’s episode is sponsored by the Marty McFly and Doc Brown of wine Please hit us hard with a subscribe, a review, and a follow on Instagram: @tickyoff

Ep182: Feathered Or Leathered? | Featuring chef and cookbook author Ben Tish
Apr 28 2019 70 mins  
When James won his first Oscar for his incredible turn as an aged Bane coming to terms with his saggy body and his life of crime and carnage in Richard Curtis’s wonderful ‘An Old People’s Home Near Watford’, many commented on his stirring acceptance speech. How he dedicated his win to his ‘most incredibly handsome and wise best friend Sam’. How he refused to take the credit for that scene, the one where Bane and Martine McCutcheon make (grey) love on a row boat during a delightful day trip out to Whipsnade Zoo, instead thanking ‘from the bottom of my heart, my sensei of love, Sam’. As honoured listeners to this podcast will know, this was classic James. And there’s plenty more classic James on this week’s episode of The TickyOff. He’s been playing a weird game in his parent’s garden, delaying his pleasure and styling his hair like Abs from Five. Sam meanwhile doesn’t trust Easter, regularly dresses up like a mummy and wants people to cheer up at funerals, just not while attending his own. Then Ben Tish arrives like many, not all, but most guests, arrive to TickyOff Towers. Via the door. Ben’s mouth opens and closes, laying eggs of sound all around. His new book ‘Moorish’, the perils of Saturday Kitchen and his early days in cooking with Oliver Peyton, Jason Atherton and Dan Lepard. Other aural oeufs crack wide open and drip sound albumen on his hometown of Skegness, how much he enjoys dressing up like Stevie Nicks and Marcus Wareing acting like a twat. There’s a lot of these audible eggs and yet somehow there’s also time to ponder on whether or not mountains are worth the hassle, couscous and the trials and tribulations of fast expansion. This week’s episode is sponsored by the funky jazz sax and slap bass wonders of the world of wine

Ep181: August And Everything After | Featuring Monty's Deli chef and owner Owen Barratt
Apr 21 2019 82 mins  
A number of etchings were recently unearthed in a system of caves many miles beneath the Andean mountain ranges just south of Carlisle, in Peru. At first these strange hieroglyphs baffled the archeologists who had dug them up, with a big digger. They were on the verge of just filling in the big hole they’d dug, with their big digger, and admitting failure. Just in time though someone realised there were two humans who would definitely be able to crack the spooky etching conundrum. Those two human ‘men’? JR and SH, the TKIOF Boyz. Flown to the site in a very expensive hovercraft, the TickyOff legends quickly deduced that the ancient cave wall vandals had simply written: The Kitchen Is On Fire Is The Best Podcast Ever and Forever. They’d also drawn a big…..element on the wall too. Very immature. This week’s episode yet again proves the cave-scrapers’s correct. There’s waterpolo, Michel Roux Jr rueing the day, a lot of pie chat and a journey around the entirety of Ripon town centre. James has cooked a weird wellington and may be in line to become a hornblower. Sam will not reveal what he does in his house when his kids are out but he does reveal a tale of a woman with haunted bees in her eye. Then Owen Barratt from the mighty Monty’s Deli arrives with tales of the toll cooking professionally takes on the body, Kickstarter, beautiful tiles, the wonders of Reading and the joy of pleather. Owen has also been playing a lot of ‘Farming Simulator’, has some concerns about Thom Yorke and is very much down on lemon thyme. This week’s episode is sponsored by seventh wonders of the world of wine

Ep179: Military Terminology | Featuring chef and restaurateur Enrique Olvera
Apr 07 2019 56 mins  
Recently James and Sam were mildly honoured to be invited to give the commencement speech to the 2019 class at the hallowed Massachusetts Institute Of Technology or MIT as some call it. Gushes of absolutely classic TickyOff mouth sounds were sprayed from the dais directly into the ear openings on the eager students headskulls. It was then the nerdy youngsters chance to be feel truly honoured when they were given the opportunity to offer up some Quickfire questions of their own to James and Sam. Unfortunately the be-robed Ivy Leaguer’s questions were far from the incredible standard required so the TickyOff boys bailed on the entire soiree in disgust. That’s why you haven’t seen any YouTube videos of the shindig alongside other commencement speech classics like the David Foster Wallace one about the fish or the one to Grimsby Polytechnic’s woodworking class of 1976 by turkey legend Bernard Matthews. Fortunately Sam and James are back from Boston to bring the Quickfire, the Over/Under and the world class audible mouth noises to you, the most loyal and the largest audience in podcasting history. This week chef and restaurateur Enrique Olvera is here and he’s a stone cold big deal. Pujol in Mexico City rides high on the World’s 50 Best list, Cosme and Atla in NYC are packed and critically acclaimed, he’s got a new book out ‘Tu Casa Mi Casa’ and he knows how to drink large amounts of mezcal without embarrassing himself. Unlike the TickyOff gang. Enrique offers up a guide to the best restaurants in Mexico City, the five year old mole at Pujol, collaboration, and the pros and cons of a culinary education. There’s also just enough time for the first ever outro to an episode of TKIOF. In this aural appendage, Sam is poor and greedy and James says ‘arena of conflict’. There’s a new chef going great guns at Pidgin and they spill a vast variety of legumes about their upcoming trip to Greece to cook in a haunted monastery. This week’s episode is sponsored by winged and b’whiskered wine champions of the world

Ep175: The Restaurant Exorcist | Featuring Sarit Packer and Itamar Srulovich from Honey and Co.
Mar 10 2019 77 mins  
This week Sam and James are both incredibly depressed. It’s amazing how despite this, they still open with this much world-beating chat gold to be honest. No one else could deliver chat at this level with black hounds humping at their haunches. No one. That’s why you come here and these guys just turn it on like it’s nothing. Impressive I’m sure you’ll agree. No other human mouths could spurt kombucha updates, sleeping bag considerations, packing books for a trip in the Arctic based on weight and fake interview confessions, in this manner and at this level. No one. After an opening like this week’s, only two people could possibly arrive and immediately match the TickyOff Boyz chat diamond for sparkling chat diamond. These two people are Sarit and Itamar from Honey & Co. This rarely spotted quadruple of mouths go deep on how to and how not to open a restaurant, growing at the right pace, and the benefits of being your own boss. There’s also a whole bunch of truth delivered aurally concerning how to maintain a relationship under the pressures of running a business, they take a swing at French patisserie, might want their neighbour dead and Sam bites his tongue as they go big on the wonders of honey. All this plus, a harp playing ghost in the bakery and Sarit and Itamar share both the best and worst traits they see in one another which is insanely cute. Which no one has ever, in the entire history of the mighty TickyOff, described any of the content as being. That was a truly awful sentence to end this blurb with but…you know. The gold is on the pod yeah, it ain’t here. What do you want from me? Wake up. This week’s podcast is sponsored by amazing wine fella-me-lads and brilliant vodka whippersnappers

Ep174: Father Time | Featuring Evening Standard Magazine restaurant critic Jimi Famurewa
Feb 28 2019 89 mins  
Episode one hundred and seventy four comes around only once in a TickyOff lifetime, in that perfect moment between episode one hundred and seventy three and episode one hundred and seventy five. We thought we’d celebrate by opening with some powerful Nandos chat, how bus drivers deal with the bonnets on their own cars having worked in a bonnet-absent world at work and cinematic titan ‘The Human Centipede’. Oh and before I forget, Sam has interviewed the dude who saw three UFOs a few weeks back!! This week James’s eyes are absolutely screwed up. He may or may not have been huffing down some doobie smoke offstage mid-pod. Sam has had a tooth out and has been miserable all week. Luckily for you he brings his usual friendly and cheerful demeanor to proceedings. He also brings word of a spooky unexplained canoe in his grandparent’s garden and a spooky unexplained whale in the Amazon. Then ES Magazine restaurant critic Jimi Famurewa arrives and delivers some strong aural, orally, backed up by (allegedly) stoned James and toothachey Sam. This triton of babble is plunged deep into your ear canals delivering such topics as Jimi’s journey to his current gig via fanzines, lads mags and Bexleyheath. There’s also the pettiness of school, Nigerian soft drink fueled parties and lots of words about being a decent father. Somehow they also manage to cover the all out war of restaurant reviewing from both critic and operator manned bunkers. It’s pretty much the King Tut of podcasts, in that it’s solid gold, and potentially haunted. This week’s episode is sponsored by ‘The Sopranos’ of wine (minus the criminality and violence and whatnot) and ‘The Wire’ (minus the criminality and violence and whatnot) of vodka

Ep173: Highway To Hull | Featuring 26 Grains owner and cookbook author Alex Hely-Hutchinson
Feb 24 2019 83 mins  
This week on English Country Garden Naturist Patrol, James and Sam discuss inner-thigh chafing, brunching in the buff and what to pack for a naturist's masquerade ball in Ipswich. Apologies, that's their other pod..Anyway, this week on the TickyOff things get off to a mellow start as James relaxes himself by placing a stress reliever toy somewhere foul. He is also planning on babysitting some yeast. Sam has cooked some Palestinian food, cuts his fingernails in a grim fashion and starts bleating on about shoe horns. They then move on to weightier topics such as heavy drinking in the hospitality industry, colonic irrigation and Sam's Ma's steak sauce recipe. Then noted grain peddler Alex Hely-Hutchinson pretty much arrives in the office to add another mouth to the mouth duo that was there mouthing with their mouths prior to her arrival, with her mouth in tow. The mouth of Alex rambles forth on celeb visitors to her shop (PAUL M'F&^KIN THOMAS ANDERSON!!! Spoiler, wave your tail at the stable door way way behind you), broccolo, grains vs seeds and how to evolve a breakfast led business. James’s mouth erupts with his porridge tekkers. Sam's mouth seems to spurt in all directions as they cover Queen, The Queen and how to maintain the warranty on your Sodastream machine. And in a final brave stance, as a two fingered salute to all the haters, all the negative nellies, and to The Man, the TickyOff Boyz proclaim that murder.... is bad. Bravery like that deserves a goddamn Nobel prize or at least some Squarespace sponsorship surely? This week's episode is sponsored by wine nirvana providers and vodka babylon kings

Ep172: Spiky The Hedgehog | Featuring writer and cookbook author Ella Risbridger
Feb 17 2019 91 mins  
Another week, another episode of solid gold mouth sounds. The greatest human (or animal) minds throughout time could all get in a room with flowcharts and overhead projectors and abacuses and protractors and whatnot and still not fathom just how it is that James and Sam manage to deliver at this level, with this measure of consistency, this weight of genius ideas and this volume of ghost chat. It’s nothing if not flat out impressive. We begin with a bunch of egg chat, Paul Danan’s struggle with fame and Sam’s struggle with Greggs steakbakes after his band split up. Then, via a detour into a headless purple mule in Brazil, James reads out a letter from a listener concerning, once again, the grim world of toxic restaurant culture. Then cookbook author and writer Ella Risbridger arrives and this triumvirate of mouths spray forth on notebooks, board games, Sylvia Plath’s driving license and the rights and wrongs of pickle plates. Ella is learning Hindi, gets some props from Nigella and feels scarecrows are overrated. James considers the fall of Kings Of Leon, collects stranger’s shopping lists and has something very erotic, yet creepy, in a place he calls ‘The Naughty Cupboard’. Meanwhile Sam has stolen four pickles from James, is petrified of chip pan fires and seems to be hiding a secret concerning what he gets up to at night in James’s house. They go on to discuss mental health struggles, moving on from your old life and whether winning Euromillions would actually make you happy. Oh, and Ella has to choose between having a beak or having gills and Bane might be mentioned too. To be fair it has been a while since they last talked about their favourite big dude with a funny voice. This week’s episode is sponsored by the Captain Kirks of the planet of wine and the Captain Jean Luc Picards of the galaxy of vodka

Ep171: Wolf Soup | Featuring restaurateur Amy Poon
Feb 10 2019 83 mins  
This week on this thing some people call a podcast, others describe as a legendary chat kerfuffle and one dude called ‘actually the greatest mouth sounds humans can apply to their earholes’ James and Sam are joined by restaurateur Amy Poon. Now, journey isn’t a word that we here on the TickOff have any interest in throwing around like an aural knockoff version of the grim ‘X-Factor’ but Amy’s journey from a kid growing up in restaurants, to advertising in Tokyo, to a champagne bar in a Singaporean red light district, is an origin tale that deserves the journey word. So there it is, a journey. Make like a fun hiking club, and walk it, with us…aurally…I guess. Anyway, before Amy shows up there’s more than enough time for James to talk about leeks for a pretty long stretch and wonder on one of the biggest questions humankind has ever grappled with: Just how much is that doggy in the damn window? In other news, Sam is wary of old men and wants to wear a sleeping bag on a plane. Even though it may well seem like a single episode couldn’t possibly hold more, this one can. The binbag of chat is overflowing, it’s split, it’s dripping chat all over the floor as you carry it to those holes on your skullsides. There’s a friendly ghost named Uncle Chan, there are Amy’s secret Chinatown recs and there may well be the paw of a wolf in your soup. Know this, and act on it people. This week’s episode is sponsored by the Pulitzer Prize winners of wine delivery and the Nobel Prize recipients of vodka making

Ep170: Sasquatch!|Featuring cook and food writer Melissa Hemsley
Feb 03 2019 98 mins  
Another week, another episode of the world’s most popular podcast, TickyOff. You are more than welcome. Don’t call us heroes. We’re just everyday folk like you. We have mouths on the front of our heads and via these mouths we make sounds that drip into the holes on the side of your heads. We also have those holes on the sides of our heads but we don’t use them as much as you do. Maybe we should. Who knows? Anyway, let’s just be clear: our mouths, your ears, you’re welcome, we’re awesome. Done. Sam has toothache and thinks that while naked in a shower he may have seen Nuno Mendes in a black speedo. James is one half of a ‘foodie power couple’, has a mate who lives in a haunted house and tells all about his Sam-less trip to the incredibly dated but seemingly quite wonderful Oslo Court. They ponder on taking TKIOF on the road, The Chicken Bloke, UFOs over Chichester and also get into the recent grim reports from the world of London restaurants. Then Melissa Hemsley shows up and topics erupt all over the damn place. There’s church chat, Lego babble and porn on public transport….discussion. Melissa reveals her favourite sausage, cries in the Albert Hall and goes to war with squirrels. These are sounds from three mouths, entering the ears of millions. A shared experience like no other. Wake up yeah? What else is there? This week’s episode is sponsored by the Leathermen of the world of wine and the Swiss Army Knives of the world of vodka

Ep167: Batman On The Bounce | Featuring Radio 1 presenter Alice Levine
Jan 13 2019 93 mins  
Things that have been shot: Evel Knievel from a cannon across a canyon Digital ducks in the old Nintendo game ‘Duck Hunt’. JFK And something else that’s been shot? The breeze on this week’s wonderful new installment of the lovely podcast known to some as The Kitchen Is On Fire, to many others as TickyOff and to a fair few as Mouth Sounds From Legends. After a festive season delay due to grim glands and poorly wives James and Sam reconvene at the office to pretty much howitzer the hell out of the damn breeze. Sam’s had a bad Christmas, James has cooked the Christmas food and they check in with the predictions they made for the year just past. They also find time to discuss the Bros documentary, the creepy items James keeps in his desk box and Sam tries in vain to find out what creepy secret New Year’s resolution James has made. A lot of creepiness going down…. Then Alice Levine shows up dressed like a pilot with some very hot porridge in tow. The steamy oats are put to one side so this thrupple of chat can cover other equally as steamy topics such as recommending porn to your mother, pickled onions, a boot full of béchamel and Dame Emma Thompson. There’s also hairy eyelids, big soups, the joys of eating club sandwiches in the nude and Alice reveals her new found favourite canned good. A clue, it rhymes with ‘porter mess shunt’. Cryptic, and not as gross as that clue might lead you to believe it is. This week’s episode is sponsored by 2019’s greatest wine providers and 2019’s most brilliant vodka creators

Ep166: Christmas Special: A Strange Place For Bread | Featuring comedian Jamie Demetriou
Dec 23 2018 125 mins  
Christmas etc. You know the drill. Presents, drunk uncles, wool-based clothing, dry birds, Babycham, an incredible amount of paper based recycling, murders on sitcoms, listening to the music of glam rockers with an uncomfortable feeling that perhaps there are yet more of of these spangly jumpsuited bass playing clowns still to be caught and brought to justice by long running police investigations.....Wow. Everyone loves Christmas, and everyone loves a TKIOF Christmas Special. The TickyOff Boyz are here to upend a sack full of nonsense into your goddamn meatus acusticus externus. That's right, James and Sam are filling up yer ear canals with a dungheap of festive mouth sounds. This week there is weird heavy metal, there are Icelandic people and there is also Sam making a desperate plea for an old friend to get back in touch with him. Meanwhile, James is distracted by his Apple Watch and they both ponder on what to look for in a swinging partner. Then, like a man with God's beard but dressed like an old-timey fireman sneaking down a chimney in the dead of night to leave pagan offerings beneath a dying tree in your front room, comedian Jamie Demetriou arrives and Sam and James turn into (drunk) giggling fanboys. Jamie reveals all about his journey through the world of comedy including the Edinburgh Festival, working with his sister and his series 'Stath Lets Flats'. He also creates sounds using his vocal cords upon his love for Frank Ocean, his dislike of Morris Dancers and the strange things his father gets up to. Very similarly to a family-size box of Quality Street there's also the coffee cremes of chat, a lot of shouting about soup, a long winded discussion of anti-stomach ulcer medication and James favourite site for long braised, Aga-based pornography... This weeks episode is sponsored by the 'Last Christmas''s of wine and the 'Fairytale Of New York''s of vodka

Ep163: Mickey Mouse Marathon | Featuring chef, landlord, cookbook author and TV presenter....Dan Doherty
Dec 02 2018 108 mins  
A Brief Q and A Regarding Major Facts Of Humanity’s History Upon Planet Earth Who split the atom? The TickyOff Boyz Who built the pyramids? J-Razzle and S-Hezzle Who wrote ‘Candle In The Wind’? Ramsden and Herlihy Who caught Al Capone? Samuel J Herlihy Which horse has won more Grand Nationals, Kentucky Derbies and Royal Ascot Ladie’s Days than any other horse? James Clive Gavin Ramsden. Know this. Ghostly goings on (again) on the Tickyoff this week as Sam tells the terrifying tale of Mickey, a phone battery eating ghost..oh and he’s also seen a creepy clown in a cornfield. Meanwhile James has bought an Apple Watch and thinks Sam should go and see a therapist. Then chef, cookbook author, new pub owner and tv star Dan ‘DanDo’ Doherty turns up and turns both barrels of his Knowledge Cannon upon the PidginBoyzzzzzzz. Said cannon fires cannonballs of true facts directly into their dumb faces. These facts concern such matters as running a marathon while dressed as a mouse, gastropubs, the difficulty in recruiting staff and Mary Berry’s (alleged, by Sam) crack habit… There’s also charcuterie dissing, Day Of The Dead, Sir Bane and they all agree that hot air ballooning is an insanely dumb thing to do. This weeks episode is sponsored by the Rolls Royce Silver Phantom with silk seats and mad rims of the world of wine, and the Bugatti Veyron with a matt-cammo paintjob and an ejector seat of the world of vodka,

Ep161: Holy Woah! | Featuring author and activist Jack Monroe
Nov 18 2018 91 mins  
It never rains but it pours they say. Not true, let me tell you about a little wet thing I like to call, drizzle. A watched pot never boils they say. Nonsense, I’ve watched loads and they’ve all boiled. Every single one, ever. I rarely do anything but watch pots until they boil. They call me the old pot-watcher. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush they say. I very much doubt that. I put a chaffinch in a solid gold suit of armour encrusted with diamonds, then threw him in a hedge. Meanwhile in my left hand, I’ve had a flea ridden pigeon with one eye and a bald patch on it’s head. If you surveyed a thousand people, I think they’d all say that the fancy-ass bush-bird was worth more than the decrepit grandpa street-pheasant. What the above clearly illustrates is the need for truth and for facts. You have come to the right place. This week James and Sam are spreading truth all over your minds as if truth is manure and your ears are a field and their mouths are the nozzle on a giant manure cannon. Now they have made your mind-soil fertile, they go ahead and sow fact-seeds concerning such matters as Xian Biang Biang Noodles, Thom Yorke’s new record and pushing back boundaries in gymnasiums. Then food writer, journalist and activist Jack Monroe shows up early (fortunately) and corrals the TickyOff Dumbos into some semblance of order. Jack talks about cooking with tinned ingredients, dream Dorito flavours, and the wonders of grated Spam. Sam wonders why all the recipes have prunes in them. James wonders how he can continue to avoid answering questions in the Quickfire Game in a timely manner. Jack wonders how to be more like Hugh Grant and how many Christmas trees can fit in a single house. All this, plus: Explaining the concept of tax via the medium of Muller Fruit Corners! The stench of tinsel! A bad Mexican bandito impersonation! and Houdini, The Killer Lovebird! This week’s episode is sponsored by ‘Fort Boyard’ semi-finalists in 1992: and ‘The Generation Game’ coffee-machine with built-in alarmclock winners from way back in 1988:

Ep160: A Survey Of 1000 People | Featuring food writer and cookbook author Ed Smith
Nov 11 2018 89 mins  
The TickyOff Boyz are well known across the globe for their searing insight, for their deep seated ability to get to the true crux of many of humanity’s greatest imponderables. Sometimes however, our heroes need to take a step back from the coalface of vast issues and giggle about a rude word for a solid half an hour like a pair of idiotic, immature, school boys. James and Sam regularly skirt close to intellectual perfection, this episode is not one of those instances. Feel free to skip the first thirty minutes if such behavior holes your hull instead of floating yer damn boat. This week there are toilet flushing ghosts, large babies and some solid biscuit chat. James takes a huge swing, and misses, at this week’s guest and Sam says that seals are like divers with cat faces. The aforementioned guest this week is food writer and blogger Ed Smith who spurts out information from his mouth opening concerning his two cookbooks, the history of Borough market and his origin story from lawyer to writer. There’s also the spooky tale of Issac McHale in a bonnet haunting people, mashed potato techniques and James eats a huge number of ginger nut biscuits while in an alcohol-free induced depression. If I was a foolish fool, I’d say this episode is proper cray cray. But I am not, so I shall not. This week’s episode is sponsored by the wine warriors at and the vodka gladiators at

Ep159: Woody And Buzz | Featuring food writer and Ottolenghi cookbook collaborator Tara Wigley
Nov 02 2018 96 mins  
'You never give me your money' sang The Beatles. That's also true of this here relationship between you, the listener, and us, The TickyOff Boyzzzz. You never give us your money despite the fact that we give you all this premium mouth-sound based content. Think on that yeah? Anyway this week Sam and James are babbling all over the place about the Beatles, baklava, Ballymaloe and other topics that do not begin with the letter 'B'. Many of these other topics are raised by this week's guest, Tara Wigley. Tara opens the release valve on a silo full of chat and fills the room with tales of Yotam Ottolenghi's cookbooks, finding your dream job, eating as a family and tricky issues of cultural appropriation. While surfing this torrent of yap James creates some fake nieces, Sam says a lot of things he doesn't mean, they discuss the Pidgin Cookbook, and the whole William Sitwell 'catastrophe' is flat-out covered. Finally, there are some very mysterious rubber ducks, the wonder of a man in a nightshirt and Tara reveals all about what is quite possibly the strangest breakfast dish known to humankind. A dish that she prepares and eats, every single day........prepare thyself! This week's TKIOF is sponsored by our wine buddies and our vodka pals And finally, the TickyOff is now on Instagram: @tickyoff Hit us up with a follow and like all our stuff and tell everyone else to like it too please. Come on. We do loads for you. Loads. And it's all brilliant. Every minute = pure solid gold. Ka-bloom!

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