Swordboys - Cut x Cut

The Swordboys return to the tavern to hear Big Brother Athos talk of love and good-natured punches to the face. Next we take a milk bath with a gross tasseled pillow and a horny pope who just wants the Queen to bring him closer to God. Then it’s off to avoid cannonballs and deliver maximum Star Wars quotes before we wish a hearty RSVP to Whitey Axelrod. Finally, we rate the hand

The Swordboys travel from the depths of the horny Richelieu’s mancave to a wenching tavern on the outskirts of Paris. We explore questions like “How likable is Chris O’Donnell?”, “How many peasants did Porthos behead?”, “What’s in your sacred snack chamber?” and “Who were Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds?” We are introduced to Whitey, Bitey, Ricky, and Moe,

The Swordboys return as young DAR'tagnan's father's son continues his quest to irritate every person he runs into with his BDE. We get into some Platt Facts before the Sheen Scene and Aramis's piety (which is great fodder for Bible Boys),as well as how cool Kiefer Sutherland is. We discuss Queen Anne's actual heritage, duel locations according to Google Maps, ho

Welcome back! The Swordboys are time-traveling from 80s Hyborian Age to 90s Pre-Revolutionary France! This is a time of feathered hats, armored cardinals and iron-masked men parts 1, 2, and 3! And duels! So many duels keep young SwordBoy D'Artagnan busy as he escapes Girard's butlers on the snooty stallion Stabby, who smells like a French horsehouse, and runs into a cavalca

The Swordboys return for our final cut of Red Sonja, starting with her first confrontation with Queen Gedren in her throne room. Gedren is unarmed, but thanks to a kind of magic, she finds a sword by the door! The ladies wail at each other like they are holding baseball bats and DJ Wizzo starts throwing down some sick beats. The fight moves to the candleroom where Tarn tries his be

The Swordboys wake up yet again, but this time to break down some unwanted sexual swordfighting between Sonja and Kalidor, with an assist from Prince Tarn. Soon enough, we are off to pull our spare bones out to infiltrate the mad Queen Gedron's butthole. The lady laughs while her most loyal spider Ikol faces his fiercest enemies: a 9-year-old and a slowly-closing door. Runtime

The Swordboys wake up in their fur coat snuggies to watch Red Sonja teach the young prince how to “hold his sword”. We discuss Falkon: Origins, and marvel at how this movie is just basically Ernie Reyes Jr and a bunch of people who can’t speak English. Next up, Tarn and Falkon consider visiting Hyborian Pawn Stars before they are attacked by a robot fish dragon with a sword t

The Swordboys discuss the ins-and-outs of Brytag’s tolls, and discover that his amazingly-armored men just want to watch. A connection is made from the tollmaster to Charlie Sheen, and Sonja is soon impressed by Arnold’s love of a good fight. Then we head to Hawk Forest, where a familiar swordsman with a dazzling hat tortures the young prince for gold he doesn’t have. After a

The Swordboys return to find our titular heroine training under Clan Gooch! But Sonja is not here to get hugs or make friends. After picking a sword that looks like a wheel of cheese, and jumping on a horse that matches her hair, she joins Calendar, friend to all, to hear the dying words of Varna. Then she is off to find the ruins of a city Queen Gedron would have only half-destroy

The Swordboys head to the Hyborian Age where “Dino Di Horrendous” presents a Conan sequel without Conan but also with Conan called RED SONJA! Sonja gets imbued with strength by a mystical fairy for vengeance against the evil Queen Pineapple! But first, top-billed Arnold Schwarzenegger rides our old pal Clompy to save Sonja’s sister from some very overdressed soldiers! Don’t