The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught

May 09 2024 18 mins 36

The Time Traveler's Guide to NOT Getting Caught Podcast artwork

This is the story of how I found a time traveling watch behind a dumpster and my subsequent adventures through time as I make the world a better place...for me...and sometimes for other people as well...I mean, I have no doubt other people also benefited from the changes I made, so in some ways, it's kind of the story of how I became the greatest hero of all time...as well as a guide for any of you who might wind up finding a time machine and becoming a time traveler.

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Ch 21: That Time I Met My Future Self

May 09 2024 19 mins

OMG, my future self who was 10 years older came back and rescued me from a miserable life being trapped in the past. And, if I may say, I was looking quite hot in my middle age. Me and myself wanted to do nothing more than bring Alvie to justice and reclaim my time traveling watch, but we both decided that first, we should go to a club and pick up a hot lady!

Ch 20: Okay let's get this restarted

May 02 2024 41 mins

Well, I was screwed. Not only was I stuck on the Titanic as it hit an iceberg, but I was also feeling super emasculated being held down by the two Alvies and getting my time traveling watch stolen from me. But all was not lost. I could still find a way to survive this whole ordeal, but in order for me to somehow get back to the present, I would first need to get on a lifeboat. But

Ch 19: That Time I was on the Maiden Voyage of the Titanic

Apr 25 2024 39 mins

Yes it's true, I had a threesome in 1944 Los Angeles, and it was as amazing as it sounds. It was so great that I had an immediate urge to share my story, and so I decided to meet up with my time traveling buddy and tell him all about it which meant, it was time to go on the Titanic. This was a doozy of a trip, and yes, I'm using the word doozy now. Do I use a lot of James C

Ch 18: That Time I Went Back to the 1940s to Court Lonely Wives

Apr 18 2024 27 mins

Now that I was an enlightened individual, I felt like I didn't need to do any more work on myself and should instead indulge in my sexual desires. So I brainstormed what would be the easiest time period to get laid, and that's when I realized that most of the men in the 1940s were fighting in World War II which meant there was a super high ratio of women to men back in Amer

Ch 17: That Time I Discovered Isaac Newton Discovering Gravity

Apr 11 2024 25 mins

After taking LSD and tripping through time, I felt like I needed some more clarity in life, and so of course, I decide to go back to The Age of Enlightenment. After looking up when and what that actually was, I wind up back in London in 1687 where I meet Sir Isaac Newton before he was a sir. It was also the time before he had ever gotten laid, so I do what anybody in my shoes would

Ch 16: That Time I Took Acid at Woodstock and Wound up Tripping Through Time

Apr 04 2024 17 mins

Still reeling from my breakup with the babysitter, I decided I needed to have some me time so I travel to Woodstock because, you know, that's the best place to have me time. While there, I wind up taking some acid and having the craziest trip of all time!

Ch 15: That Time I Freed the African Americans

Mar 28 2024 21 mins

After freeing the Jews in Egypt, I was feeling exhausted, but the babysitter now wanted to free the African Americans by starting The Civil War, and because I wanted to make her happy, I agreed. While back in 1860 South Carolina, the babysitter and I start fighting and I realize that maybe she isn't the love of my life....

Ch 14: That Time I Freed the Jews

Mar 21 2024 36 mins

Truth be told, I didn't want to go back to Ancient Egypt because I'm not a fan of getting sand stuck in my shoes, but the babysitter wanted to go there, and I wanted to continue to have sex with her, so we went back to Egypt. The babysitter and I had one mission at hand: free the Jews. So I infiltrate my way into the Pharaoh's good graces and then meet Moses and the res

Ch 13: That Time I Made Love to my Babysitter in The Wild West

Mar 14 2024 35 mins

I had survived my first trip with the babysitter, as well as Shakespeare's gnarly poop. Our relationship was progressing and so we decided to go somewhere sexier than Elizabethan Era...and so of course we went to The Wild West. A lot of interesting stuff happens while there, and a few uninteresting things as well (but that can be expected with any trip), but the most important

Ch 12: That Time I Went Back in Time with My Babysitter

Mar 07 2024 14 mins

So the babysitter asks me to prove I'm a time traveler, and so I do what any guy would do in that situation...I take her back to Elizabethan Era England...whenever that was. After I Googled when it was, I took my babysitter on the adventure of a lifetime. While in England, I met William Shakespeare, or at least, I used the bathroom right after him, and I gotta say, it wasn'