Story Matters Podcast

In this episode we engage Shelly's story in our studio. Shelly, who has gone through the Allender Center's Narrative Focused Trauma Care levels one and two, brings a story from fourth grade which has had life long implications.

Gaslighting was Merriam-Webster's word of the year in 2022. Why did it make such a big splash? In this episode we explore this concept, its roots, but also the fact that we need language for what is happening to us.

In this episode we take a look at the idea that we have various parts that make up who we are. Traditionally theologians speak of Christians having the flesh and spirit, which is true. However, we know that we are never in this life simply one or the other. When we are able to see how many of our unwanted behaviors are actually parts of us rooted in early traumas, we can move towar

So often in conflicts we would just love to hear the words, "I am sorry." However, as great as this is, it really serves as only the beginning of restoration. While not every conflict needs much more than these words to heal, many do. We find that often these words are aimed to deflect attention from the real issue rather then transition to healing the rupture. In this episode we d

Repair is the third major pillar in healthy attachment. Repair in a relationships is in some ways the most important aspect and also the most elusive. We know that in this fallen world we will have conflicts in even our most cherished relationships. When you were growing up, was good repair demonstrated for you? When you misbehaved were you invited to repair with a parent? Did you

In Episode 17 we discuss the importance of healthy containment in our families of origin. Containment is a process that helps children feel safe involving the emotional support that adults give children. Healthy containment helps develop a strong attachment to our caregivers. It is especially important when the child expresses emotions that the parent may not be comfortable with. W

Attunement is the sense that you matter; that someone else sees you and is tending to you. We were made to be attuned to – by God and by our primary caregivers. When our deepest needs are seen and met, we feel safe and able to attune to others. However, for many of us, we did not receive attunement in our childhood, and so this quality may feel elusive. In this episode we explore

We were made to be loved by our primary caregivers. Three main categories that outline what we were meant to receive are attunement, containment, and repair. This episode will introduce this topic as we will explore what it means for us in our present lives when these were not the way our families of origin operated. We believe by naming the particularities where these were not rec

As Christians we are taught that hatred is evil and yet one of the most important doctrines of God is his hatred of evil. For present day Christians this often is relegated to a few technicolored "evils" that most can agree upon. However, the Bible calls us to love our neighbors, and this includes the hatred of any evil done to them or by them. To grasp this in all of its implicati

The term NPC came from video games referring to the characters that the player doesn't have control of - they are controlled by the game's programming. When a person's behavior is determined by a system, whether family, church or peer group, they are in effect functioning as a NPC. One of the main reasons we engage our stories is to learn the ways we have blindly fit into systems a