Tiny Pep Talks for Stepparents

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)The ex being high conflict can have a direct impact on how well you’re able to connect with your stepkid. If your stepkid's other home is dysfunctional or abusive, then even their most basic interpretations of love, belonging, or family could be very different from yours. Maybe more different than you’d ever guess.So don't blame yourself if you

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)If your stepkid wants nothing to do with you, please know that's more of a reflection on what you represent to them than it is a commentary on your personality.Your stepkid doesn't care how great you are. All they care is that you represent change, and change feels scary — especially to kids who are still shaken up from the massive upheaval of th

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Custody orders are not a matter of opinion. A parenting plan is an enforceable legal document that protects both parents' legal parenting rights. One parent cannot legally make arbitrary, unilateral decisions that affect the other parent's visitation time; that would be a violation of the custody order. And you have the legal right to report that t

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)One of my biggest stepparenting frustrations was feeling blocked in my ability to make changes for the better in the life of my stepkid. Yet — trying to parent my stepkid ended up causing stress and friction between me and my stepkid AND between me and my partner. And when that happens, it’s probably time to disengage.It’s not that you should

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Sometimes we get so wrapped up in stepfamily life that we forget there's a big wide world beyond our blended family bubble. We can try so hard to be good stepparents that we end up losing track of who and what we are outside of our stepparenting role.When we define ourselves only by how much our stepkids like us (or whether they like us at all), or

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)We tell our kids that big emotions feel scary, but that’s actually just as true for us grownups. Stepparenting is overwhelming a surprising percentage of the time. No matter how committed you are to building your blended family, you cannot be all in, all the time without some kind of pressure relief valve.Sometimes the only way to deflate all the

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)Today’s pep talk is simple. I just want you to know you are not alone.You're not.As isolated as you may feel, as many cheerleading posts about stepparenting that you might read (and then feel guilty that you don't feel like a cheerleading kinda stepparent), know that stepparenting being hard is also normal.It took me years of feeling frustrated,

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)You can’t coparent with someone who won’t compromise. If you're continually bending over backwards trying to make reasonable accommodations while the other co-parent keeps making unilateral decisions and refusing to meet you even close to halfway, I've got news for you: that's not co-parenting. That's you getting manipulated.All the advice abou

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)We all understand that becoming a parent is a major adjustment, yet we expect stepparents to become instant experts in their role. And by “we” I mean society, but also including ourselves. We seem to hold ourselves to this ridiculous standard — like we’re not gonna make mistakes, or there won’t be a learning curve.For me, I was already a

💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)If your partner’s ex is high conflict, limiting how much contact you have with them can also limit the potential for drama.When I saw how ridiculous Dan’s relationship was with his ex, I thought most of the conflict between houses could be pretty easily resolved through clearer communication. I’m a great communicator, so naturally I stepped i