Nov 08 2024 12 mins 2
- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre
There are three ways in which we try to get our Core Emotional Needs met. Meeting Core emotional needs is not negotiable. They want to be met and kept filled up at high levels.
The reality, however, is that life takes a toll upon us and Core Emotional Needs deplete over time. What are some of those Core Emotional Needs: Approval, Acceptance, Support, Security, Comfort, Respect - amongst others.
When we have been functioning on low depleted levels for some time (where they are not being replenished regularly enough by certain persons, people and situations) - they wane. Leakage causes depletion.
We seek to top them up by reacting - through Fight/Flight/Freeze. Each of us use different ones at different times, but there is one of those that we use more often than the other.
Which one do you use more often? It is not always the obvious one that you first thought!
Fight: is often more Passive Aggressive, than the very much more visible overt behaviour. Passive Aggression is mostly unseen, yet is a very potent weapon that is welded by many and do not recognise or see the potency of that weapon.
Fight is mostly not about leaving the toilet seat up for the hundredth time or the top off the tooth paste. Fight is often driven by depleted Core Emotional needs, but not visible or owned by the person.
Flight: My definition is - "We move ourself away from the place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are not being met and instead, put ourself in a different place where we perceive that our Core Emotional Needs are more likely to be met". That might be a physical moving or an emotional leaving/absence.
Flight is problematic because of the dangers of fleeing into the arms of someone else who appears to be meeting depleted Core Emotional Needs - which feels like love and affection - but really is not. It is just compensating (temporarily) for a depleted emotional void.
Freeze: I call "the stiff British upper lip - through the trenches - we just get on".
Freeze does not look like what is on the label. It is not inactivity. It is more about just ignoring own Needs and just trying to get on with life; but....
Freeze (getting on with life) - does not stay frozen permanently! Every now and then, there will be a Fight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time; otherwise, Flight for a short period, then revert back to Freeze for the longer time.
Might the reaction being seen; the behaviour being done - arising from depleted Core Emotional Needs? An attempt to meet depleted Core Emotional Needs.
Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.
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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styl
