Dec 31 2024 12 mins
The Core 3 is something that might just change your life.
We live in the most connected era of history—yet more people than ever feel profoundly lonely. According to the U.S. Surgeon General’s 2023 report, over 60% of Americans regularly experience loneliness.
Loneliness isn’t just emotional. It’s a serious health threat. Research shows chronic loneliness increases the risk of:
* Heart disease by 29%
* Stroke by 32%
* Premature death by 50%
To put this in perspective, loneliness is as harmful to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
But why does loneliness have such a profound effect on us?
Why Does Loneliness Impact Us So Deeply?
Humans are hardwired for connection. Emotional safety isn’t just a luxury—it’s a biological necessity. When we lack meaningful connection, our nervous system interprets this as a threat, keeping us stuck in a state of stress and dysregulation.
The good news? There’s a simple but powerful framework to cultivate emotional safety and reset your nervous system—The Core 3.
In this newsletter, I’ll walk you through how The Core 3 can transform your emotional well-being and give you a tool to start regulating your nervous system today. For a deeper dive, check out my latest episode of Mental Health Bites (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).
What Happens When Your Nervous System Is Dysregulated
Your nervous system is like the command center of your body. It’s constantly scanning for signs of safety or danger. When you feel emotionally unsafe—whether that’s due to loneliness, conflict, or a lack of support—your nervous system shifts into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
Physically, you might feel anxious, have a racing heart, or experience chronic fatigue and tension. Emotionally, you might feel overwhelmed, irritable, or even numb. Behaviorally, you might overwork, avoid responsibilities, or withdraw from relationships altogether.
In this state, survival becomes your main focus. Thriving and growth feel out of reach.
Conversely, When you feel emotionally safe, your nervous system activates what’s called the ventral vagal state, which is part of the parasympathetic system. This is the state of calm and connection.
Physically, your heart rate slows, your muscles relax, and your body feels grounded. Emotionally, you feel confident, secure, and open to connection. Behaviorally, you’re able to focus, set goals, and take meaningful action toward the life you want.
This shift from survival to thriving starts with emotional safety—and that’s where the Core 3 comes in.
The Core 3: A Blueprint for Emotional Safety
The Core 3 framework helps you cultivate emotional safety by surrounding yourself with three essential roles:
* The Encourager offers unwavering support, calming your nervous system and boosting confidence.
* The Mentor provides wisdom and perspective, helping you navigate uncertainty with clarity.
* The Challenger pushes you beyond your comfort zone in a way that feels safe and constructive.
When these three roles are intentionally filled, they create a positive feedback loop. Emotional safety regulates your nervous system, allowing you to thrive in all areas of life.
The Core 3 in Action: Real-Life Examples
Needing the support of these roles isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s something all of us need. One story that always sticks with me is Oprah Winfrey and her close relationship with Maya Angelou. Oprah has described Maya as a Mentor who helped her navigate some of the most challenging moments in her life. Maya’s wisdom and guidance provided Oprah with the emotional safety she needed to trust herself and grow into the powerhouse she is today.
Another example is Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, who often speaks about the importance of having people in his corner who believe in him, especially during tough times. He frequently mentions his Encourager—his mom—who grounded him with unwavering support, even when his career faced setbacks. That emotional safety gave him the confidence to keep pushing forward.
Finally, there’s Serena Williams, who credits her sister Venus as both her Challenger and Encourager. Venus pushes her to perform at her best but also provides emotional support when things get tough. That balance of emotional safety and motivation is what has helped Serena thrive, both on and off the court.
These stories remind us that emotional safety fuels greatness, and none of us can thrive alone.
Building and Strengthening Your Core 3
You don’t need to be a celebrity to benefit from emotional safety. When you create your own Core 3, you’re building the foundation for a life where you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving. And the best part? It’s never too late to start.
Here is a simple three-step process for building your Core 3:
* Identify What You Need Most. Ask yourself: What’s missing in my life right now? Do I need more emotional support? Guidance? Motivation? Pinpointing your greatest need will help you decide whether to focus on finding an Encourager, a Mentor, or a Challenger first.
* Evaluate Your Current Relationships. Take stock of the people already in your life. Who naturally fills one of these roles? For example, do you have a friend who always makes you feel valued and supported? That could be your Encourager. Or maybe you have a colleague or relative whose advice you trust—that’s a potential Mentor. If no one comes to mind, that’s okay. You can start building these connections intentionally by seeking out new opportunities, like joining groups or reaching out to acquaintances.
* Take the First Step. Once you’ve identified a potential Core 3 member, initiate a meaningful interaction. It could be as simple as sending a text to say, “I’ve always valued your advice. Can I get your thoughts on something?” or, “I really appreciate how supportive you are—can we catch up soon?” These small steps help deepen connections without overwhelming you or the other person.
When I was rebuilding my own Core 3 after my grandmother passed away (and she was the ultimate source of unconditional love and support for me), I realized I needed an Encourager. I reached out to a childhood friend who’d always been a grounding presence in my life, and that relationship became a vital source of emotional safety during a challenging time.
Remember, building your Core 3 is a journey, not a sprint. Start with one role, one person, and one conversation. Emotional safety and nervous system regulation don’t happen overnight, but with intentional effort, you’ll create the foundation you need to thrive.
If this resonated with you, share these tips with a friend and help them gear up for 2025. Let’s make this year your best one yet!
To Your Health,
Dr. Judy
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
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