Jan 29 2025 10 mins
Wisdom is often seen as an elusive trait that only emerges with age, but that is a misconception.
Contrary to popular belief, wisdom is not something that automatically develops over time. Instead, it is a trainable skill—one that can significantly improve mental health, decision-making, and relationships. The best part? It can be cultivated at any stage of life.
Maya Angelou once said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” This sentiment captures the essence of wisdom—learning, adapting, and evolving.
In this newsletter, we will explore the psychology behind wisdom, debunk common myths, and introduce a daily practice to help cultivate it in a meaningful way. We will also discuss the three types of people who can accelerate this process and elevate personal growth. For a deeper dive including my answer to a really interesting question from a reader, check out the latest episode of Mental Health Bites (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).
What Wise Individuals Do Differently
Wisdom is not simply intelligence or an accumulation of knowledge. It involves emotional regulation, self-awareness, empathy, and the ability to extract meaning from life’s experiences. Research has shown that:
* A study from the University of Chicago found that individuals who engage in wise reasoning experience less anxiety and demonstrate greater resilience in difficult situations.
* A 2021 study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that wise individuals are not necessarily the most intelligent people in a room, but they are often the most emotionally intelligent.
* Additional studies indicate that individuals with higher levels of wisdom report greater life satisfaction, lower rates of depression, and stronger relationships.
Psychologists have identified three primary components of wisdom:
* Cognitive Wisdom – The ability to see multiple perspectives and make well-reasoned decisions based on experience and knowledge.
* Reflective Wisdom – The capacity to step back and analyze situations objectively, without bias.
* Affective Wisdom – The ability to maintain emotional balance, show empathy, and handle adversity with composure.
Ultimately, wisdom is not about having all the answers but about knowing how to seek them.
The Three People You Need to Become Wiser
Personal growth does not happen in isolation. Surrounding oneself with the right individuals can accelerate the development of wisdom. Wise individuals often display a unique ability to listen without judgment. They offer compassionate but honest feedback, and remain calm in difficult situations. They tend to embrace both success and failure as teachable moments, and people often turn to wise individuals for advice or emotional support. And surrounding yourself with wise people can accelerate your own path to wisdom by exposing you to their reflective habits, insights, and decision-making strategies.
This is where The Core 3 comes into play—these are the three essential archetypes I’ve shared about before that foster emotional intelligence, resilience, and strategic thinking.
Today, I want to focus on the role of the Mentor. Wise people are often seen as excellent mentors because they give great advice, offers unique perspectives, and in doing so, nurtures personal growth in others. In my research and experience, there are three types of Mentors. Depending on your goals for personal and professional success, you may find yourself especially drawn to one of these specific types of mentors to help foster your growth.
1. The Knowledge Sharer
This person offers specialized knowledge and is eager to teach. They have expertise in areas you want to grow in and can guide your development.
2. The Visionary Connector
This person expands your horizons and pushes you to dream bigger. They bring new ideas and perspectives, helping you explore possibilities beyond your current path. .
3. The Resilient Role Model
This person demonstrates perseverance, overcoming adversity, and navigating challenges with grace. Their experiences inspire confidence and belief in your capacity to handle difficulties
These categories are not rigid but serve as a useful framework for considering the types of relationships that support growth and wisdom.
Three Myths About Wisdom That Hold People Back
When working on cultivating wisdom, it can be helpful to bust a few myths that tend to hold people back from becoming wiser. Let’s start with the first and most common:
Myth 1: Wisdom Comes Only with Age
While age can bring experience, wisdom is not automatically granted over time. Younger individuals can develop wisdom through intentional reflection, learning from mistakes, and seeking diverse perspectives. Research from UC San Diego suggests that practicing mindfulness and empathy can accelerate wisdom development at any age.
Myth 2: Wise People Always Have the AnswersWisdom does not mean having all the answers. In fact, the wisest individuals are comfortable acknowledging uncertainty. They embrace lifelong learning and recognize that adaptability is a key component of intelligence.
Myth 3: Wisdom is an Innate TraitAlthough some personality traits may make wisdom easier to cultivate, it is largely a skill that develops through practice. Methods such as journaling, seeking feedback, and engaging in deep conversations all contribute to the development of wisdom.
The Most Effective Daily Ritual for Cultivating Wisdom
One of the most powerful ways to train the mind for wisdom is through a Daily Reflection Ritual. This practice enhances self-awareness, improves decision-making, and fosters emotional resilience.
To practice this ritual, set aside 10 minutes each evening and follow these steps.
* Document One Event from the Day – Choose a specific situation to reflect on, even if it seems minor. Write it down factually, avoiding personal judgment.
* Identify the Emotional Response – Describe the emotions that arose during the event. Be honest and descriptive.
* Extract the Lesson – Use guided reflection questions to analyze the situation:
* Was my reaction helpful?
* What was driving my emotional response?
* Did I make assumptions that may not have been accurate?
* How did my behavior align with my values?
* What strengths or qualities helped me handle the situation well?
* What skill or quality could I improve upon for next time?
Let’s see this ritual in action through the lens of a disagreement at work. Here’s a sample journal entry from someone I recently worked with.
* What happened? During a project meeting, I raised concerns about a new timeline. A colleague disagreed, and the exchange became tense.
* How did I feel? Defensive and embarrassed. I believed my point was valid but did not appreciate being challenged in front of the team.
* What did I learn? I initially assumed my colleague was dismissing my idea, but in hindsight, they were simply presenting a different perspective. Next time, I will pause and ask clarifying questions before responding.
Practicing this ritual consistently leads to more thoughtful responses, better emotional regulation, and a stronger ability to navigate complex situations.
Final Thoughts
The journey toward wisdom is not about achieving perfection but about refining how we engage with the world.
To put this into action:
* Commit to a daily reflection ritual for one week.
* Identify the mentors, challengers, and encouragers in your life - focusing in especially on which type of mentor will most enrich your life.
* Challenge one common myth about wisdom in your thinking.
If this newsletter resonated with you, consider sharing it with a friend. Wisdom grows not only through self-reflection but also through meaningful conversations with others.
The New Rules of Attachment Paperback Drop!
I’m so excited to share that the New Rules of Attachment Paperback is going to be released on February 11! Click here to order your advance copy today, and I’m also hosting a giveaway on Goodreads for signed copies.
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
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