Same Shit, Different Mom

In this insightful episode, we sit down with Zach Watson, self-identified recovering man-child and invisible labor educator, to discuss the concept of cognitive load in households and how men can step up to create more equitable partnerships. 

Zach shares his personal journey, the importance of self-awareness, and practical steps to implement fair play and reduce the mental load on partners.

[2:46] - Discovering the Manchild Trait:

• Zach recounts being called a manchild and how he embraced his playful nature.
• The realization of the negative aspects of being a manchild in 2022.

[5:15] - The Awakening:

• Reading the Fair Play book and learning about invisible labor, mental load, and emotional labor.
• Recognizing how much he wasn’t contributing despite thinking he was.

[8:30] - Performative Housework:

• The concept of performative housework and the discrepancy between online perception and real-life contributions.
• Alyssa’s role in helping Zach realize the difference between actual help and performative tasks.

[11:16] - Men's Traditional Roles and Mental Load:

• Discussion on the traditional male mindset and the evolving understanding of household roles.
• Challenges men face in understanding and taking on mental load.

[12:01] - Client Demographics and Challenges:

• Most men come to Zach’s program via their partners.
• The misconception that the program is a fix rather than a development of skills.

[15:00] - Improving Vocabulary and Awareness:

• Developing awareness of mental and emotional labor.
• The importance of understanding the full scope of household chores beyond just the physical tasks.

[18:00] - Creating Multiple-Choice Scenarios:

• Practical advice on reducing mental load by providing options and default answers.
• The analogy of making household decisions like solving math problems.

[19:29] - Weaponized Incompetence:

• Differentiating between incompetence and weaponized incompetence.
• The need for nuanced language to better articulate these behaviors.

[26:13] - Bringing Awareness and Communication:

• The challenges women face in articulating the mental load.
• The importance of men understanding the underlying reasons for certain household tasks.

[30:53] - Weekly Meetings:

• The significance of having regular meetings to discuss household responsibilities and emotional needs.
• Creating a safe space for iterative improvement and accountability.

[35:47] - Managing Defensiveness:

• Strategies for managing defensiveness and improving communication in relationships.
• The benefits of having an external coach to guide the conversations.

[40:00] - The Boring Meeting Concept:

• How the boring meeting helps couples handle logistical and emotional issues.
• Examples of how this approach has helped Zach and Alyssa in their own household.

[45:43] - Delineating Tasks and Preferences:

• Tips for getting on the same page emotionally and practically in household management.
• The importance of understanding each other’s preferences and reasons behind certain tasks.

[50:55] - Emotional Regulation and Accountability:

• The role of emotional regulation in handling household responsibilities.
• How Zach helps clients stay accountable through regular check-ins and meetings.

This episode is packed with practical insights and transformative concepts that can help you navigate invisible labor and improve household equity. Tune in now to learn how to c