Oct 25 2024 2 mins 6
Recently I said:
If your spouse has a need, either you do your best to provide it, or you do not. The first is loving, the second is not.
What we often hear when we talk about “needs” is “That’s not a need, it’s a want.”
My first thought, which I usually don’t express, is “I feel sorry for your spouse if you feel you should only give them what they need, and can ignore what they want.” Where is the line between want and need? Many times I’ve heard “He won’t die without it”. I especially hear this about sex. If qualifying as a need means they “will die without it” then our needs are very limited; and few if any of them must be provided by our spouse. Surely, no one really means this when they talk about “needs”.
What if we look at “survival” beyond being alive a few days from now? What if we look at being strong and healthy rather than just talking about survival? What if we look at not just the health of our bodies, but of our minds and our spirits? What we require to be healthy in all ways is a significantly larger list, and much of it should be at least partially provided by our spouse. Some of it should be provided primarily by our spouse, and some, such as sex, should be provided only by our spouse. This view means our spouse needs a great deal from us, just as we need a great deal from them. Of course, if we live this way, we will be dependent on each other, which is a scary thought for some.
What does your wife need from you that you’re not giving her? What does she require more than you are currently providing? Is it possible she really needs more conversation from you? Might her saying she needs to spend more time with you be valid?
Don’t dismiss her needs as wants just because they don’t seem like needs to you; treating her needs like wants only serves to encourage her to do the same to you. Maybe if you start to treat her needs as needs, she will see your needs differently.
[This post first appeared Sept 18, 2012.]
Image Credit: © Mark Carrel | stock.adobe.com
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The post Beyond Survival: Fulfilling Her Needs AND WANTS first appeared on The Generous Husband.
