Latter-day Saints Dealing With Pornography in Marriage

Nov 20 2020 31 mins 9

Podcast by Danny & Lindsay Poelman





48. Four Things to Know When He's Looking at Porn
Nov 20 2020 16 mins  
When finding out your husband has been looking at porn, some people over-react, some people under-react, but we would offer to you that all reactions are normal. Your reaction can show up physically in your body. Some of it feels voluntary, some involuntary. And maybe many emotions that you either aren’t sure how to handle or feel incapable of handling. Don’t worry, we’ve got you. Tune in to find out these 4 things that you need to know right away to start finding relief and healing. To help you feel more in control, at least a little bit. Don’t wait to take care of yourself in this way. You are worth taking care of today! Right now. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Click Here for Lindsay’s Find Relief Right Now Guide: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/reliefnow1 For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk







45. You Don't Need a Substitute
Oct 23 2020 21 mins  
Have you heard the idea that if you are going to quit a habit (like porn) that you need a replacement habit? While the idea behind this can be helpful, the mindset with which you approach it might not be. You may be accidentally reinforcing your urges to go back to the old habit. For a habit you’re trying to quit, the last thing you want to do is make it even harder to quit. Tune in to this podcast episode to learn how to tweak your mindset in a way that will make it that much easier to quit your habit. Is it more impressive to build a house hammering one nail at a time (by hand)? Or would you rather work a little smarter, pick up the pneumatic nail gun and get it done lickety-split? Let’s use our heads and make something we think is hard a little easier on ourselves. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk




43. Why Coaching isn't Free
Oct 08 2020 51 mins  
Yes. Talking about money is directly related to you learning how to not look at porn, and/or creating the life and marriage you want. If you have any “money drama” at all about investing in coaching for yourself (so many of us do), part of you might want to skip this podcast. Don’t do it! The reason we avoid this type of conversation, is because of the money drama we create in our minds and the feelings that brings up. But do you really want the thinking you’ve learned toward money to be what stands in the way of you finding success with your problem? In this podcast, we’re having a helpful conversation about useful steps to take in decisions about investing money in yourself. After listening, you will have more clarity on how to make your most useful decision about whether to invest money in yourself on coaching or not. If this is a barrier for you, clarifying/honing your approach could change everything for you. Helping you create more of the life you want. It can be better than you even realize right now. Click the link below and tune in now. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at pornography (and be happy about it) and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


42. It’s 100% Okay to Love Your Life AND Want More
Sep 24 2020 31 mins  
You feel like maybe you shouldn't want more because you already have so much. Or because other people need it more. For you husbands, part of you wants porn. Part of you doesn’t. You want to not want porn. You’re more likely to “distract [yourself] with pleasure when [your] life is void of meaning.” Because “the chief desire of man is not pleasure but meaning.” -Viktor Frankl (Holocaust survivor/neurologist/psychiatrist) So how do you intentionally bring meaning back into the picture? It starts with wanting. You now have permission to want more without rejecting your current self/circumstances/situation. You can love your current self/life AND want more. Simultaneously. Permission granted. You’re welcome! Also, this is more crucial than you realize to help you become the man you want to be. Where do you even start with this process? How do you know if it's even possible? (Because if it's not possible, is it even worth wanting?) Tune in to find out. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


41. You Don't Need an Excuse to Struggle
Sep 17 2020 25 mins  
You’re struggling but you think you’re not supposed to struggle because you’ve been so blessed. You feel alone in your struggle, but you can’t tell anyone if you’re not “supposed” to be struggling in the first place. Is your struggle not socially acceptable? “Where much is given, much is required,” you tell yourself. You want help with your struggles but don’t tell anyone or ask for it because it’s not supposed to be there. You want to be open and honest but you hold back because certain types of struggle (porn) are just “not okay.” If you let yourself think “It’s okay that I struggle with this,” then you worry what’s to stop you from letting your habit run wild. This type of thinking, although well-intended, is keeping you stuck in the struggle. Do you want to remain stuck? If so, continue this approach. If not, tune in to this podcast episode for some ideas of how to get unstuck and actually start working the problem once and for all. How we can help make it easier for our loved ones to get the help they want. In a way, regardless of our circumstances, every one of us has an equal opportunity to struggle in our own ways. Because each one of us has a human brain. And what if it’s meant to be that way. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


40. Your Newer Better Normal
Sep 10 2020 37 mins  
Do you find yourself frustrated and powerless while wishing for things to be different than they are? Maybe you want to go back in time. Maybe you think a new husband will do the trick. Or you wish you struggled with a different vice than porn. Why do we not want to accept our new “normal”? Why can’t I handle it on on my own like “normal” people? It’s one thing to use imagination as the end goal to help escape our real life in this moment. It’s another thing to use imagination as a tool to help you know where you want to go and to deal with the present moment in a way that moves you in that direction. Spending time in fantasy land doesn’t help you deal with reality. If we practice choosing this fantasy (wishing things were different) over reality, it’s no wonder we turn to the fantasy of porn to escape our real life moments. How men and women both do this. Removing the fantasy can help you better clean up reality. The question is, do you want to feel empowered to deal with your problems or feel powerless? Imagination as the end goal? Or imagination as a means to the end goal? One of these keeps you stuck and spinning. One of them helps you find focus, vision, and forward movement. How can you use your imagination to help get you where you want to go? You don’t realize it yet, but your new “normal” will be even better than the “normal” you’ve been wishing for. At the end of the podcast Danny shares a vision statement that he wrote about his vision for the future as men, husbands, fathers, priesthood holders. Don’t miss it. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


39. How to Make Sure You're Progressing
Sep 03 2020 38 mins  
People come to us all the time worried that they aren't progressing: * sustainably * in the way they want to * fast enough * at all * Or everything is just getting worse If you are here reading this, progress is probably important to you. Even if porn is not your specific issue, these ideas can help you. Wanting instant results with little to know effort is part of what keeps leading you back to porn. Instant dopamine - hardly any effort. Using the same approach that leads you to porn is not going to help you learn the skill of not looking at porn. Here is a 5-step process to ensure that you are progressing... For Danny’s blog post on this process: https://www.dannypoelman.com/blog/5-step-process-to-make-sure-you-re-progressing Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk



38. I Should Have Known Better
Aug 28 2020 26 mins  
We do it. Our wives do it. "I should have known better" seems like a helpful story. But it's hurting you more than you know. How to be less obsessed about making the right decision and more focused on making the best decision you can. When we bash ourselves for decisions we made in the past, we can unknowingly extinguish the confidence and trust in ourselves that we could be accessing now. Confidence and trust that would help you make better decisions now and in the future. We expect to be duped again. We buy into the idea that we must just not be cut out for this. We practice this story that our decisions were "not enough." It creates distress which can literally shut off the creative and problem-solving part of your brain. When we are willing to view our past selves through this new lens, it better allows us to do the best we can do at this time. Turn off the doubting and 2nd guessing. Turn on the creative and problem-solving part of your brain. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


37. Staying Committed and Being Uncomfortable
Aug 21 2020 28 mins  
Looking at porn is a quick, easy way to get a big dopamine hit that tricks our brains into thinking it accomplished something important to our survival. Often times, when guys want to learn to stop looking at porn, they want to take this same approach. Where's the magic pill that makes my desire for porn go away? If I had it, I would have taken it years ago. And I'd be selling it for millions of dollars right now. But if we use the same quick/easy approach in our efforts to quit porn, we'll just keep turning to porn. To quit porn, you need to learn to play the long game. You need to be willing to let it get harder before it gets easier. You need to be willing to: 1. Feel uncomfortable AND 2. Stay committed. Let's talk about both of these. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


36. Special Snowflake Syndrome
Aug 13 2020 32 mins  
You are unique. You are one of a kind. Nobody is arguing with that. But it’s possible to take this mentality to an unhelpful level. To a level that: -halts your ability to change -prevents growth -shoots yourself in the foot It’s called Special Snowflake Syndrome. Signs you might be doing this would be if you are thinking: -That works for other people but not for me. -I’m extra broken. -I always have compassion for others in these scenarios, but not for me. -My situation is just different because______ -I should know better. -Other people just don’t understand. Basically, special snowflake syndrome is creating an excuse for why something is impossible for you and then believing it, as though it’s a fact. We talk about why do this. 3 elements of Special Syndrome: 1. Victim mentality. (Impossible) 2. Wanting to believe that something is particularly special, hard, and difficult about our lives. 3. A way to isolate ourselves. What the Drama Triangle is and how this comes into play here? Some ways that we appreciate our uniqueness are helpful. Other ways, not so much. You’re invited to join our conversation about it, increase your awareness, and get intentional about your approach. What if you can both appreciate your special-ness (your unique abilities and what only you can offer the world) AND recognize our shared human experience in an empowering, healing way. We can isolate and go it alone. Or we can choose to be in this together. What approach serves you best to create the life you’re wanting? We want to hear from YOU, individually. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


35. Spending Time Self-Coaching Actually Saves You Time
Aug 06 2020 35 mins  
If you think you can’t afford to spend time self-coaching, we ask you this: What if you can’t afford not to self-coach? Self-coaching is a way to practice managing your own mind. We’re talking about how having a regular practice of self-coaching can actually create more time for you. How it can create more ease and clarity in your life. Less willpower-battling and more sustainable power. Why people don’t want to do it. Some of the pitfalls people run in to. Our personal experience with self-coaching and just how impactful it has been. Accelerate your desired results by starting with managing your mind. Repetition is key. We offer a basic, step by step way to get started. Our clients who utilize regular self-coaching progress toward their goals much faster. What if you prioritized meetings with yourself the way you would a meeting with the most “important” person in the world? You are the CEO of your own life, after all. An invitation. Link to Danny’s blog post (on his old website), “It May Surprise You What a Year of Coaching Did For Me. It Sure Surprised Me!”: https://iamoutofmymind.wpcomstaging.com/2020/01/10/it-may-surprise-you-what-a-year-of-coaching-did-for-me-it-sure-surprised-me/ Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


34. Validation
Jul 23 2020 37 mins  
Lots of people want to feel validated, but what does that mean? And what does that look like in marriage? Don’t expect your validation to all come from one person. (Have a few different sources for different subjects) The most important person to get validation from is yourself. You don’t have to validate anyone that you don’t want to. Be willing to recognize whether validation is the most helpful thing for you in that moment. When is validation useful? When is validation not useful? Even if other people validate and agree with you, you are still responsible for how you choose to think/feel/act. Validation is comfortable. While “being comforted” can be nice, comfort doesn’t always lead to growth. Safety + Discomfort - Growth Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


33. People Pleasing in Marriage, Part 2
Jul 16 2020 24 mins  
Alternatives to people pleasing: The importance of wanting. Charity: pure love. Permission to say “no” helps saying “yes” genuinely come from you. Do you think you should be abandoned? Do you think you are worth being married too? I mean the REAL you. We make this about how others judge us, but it’s about how we judge ourselves. If people you care about are upset with you, and you don’t see this as anything having gone wrong, how different would your approach be? How to show up and support your spouse even better in this situation. Personal experience with doing the dishes. If you are not in a position to talk about something at the moment, say “no” and find another time that can be a genuine “yes” from both of you. It’s not other people’s job to like me, that’s my job. “I love you. And, ’No.’” Improve your life and relationships through less people pleasing. You can do things you don’t want to do, just tell yourself the truth about it. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


32. People Pleasing in Marriage, Part 1
Jul 09 2020 29 mins  
People pleasing comes up a lot with people we work with. It promotes shame and secrecy, not being authentic to yourself. It can interfere with intimacy and connection and healthier relationship. How we see this show up in people’s marriages. The term “people pleasing” sounds too pretty, too pleasant. We’re talking about what people pleasing really is. How to spot it. Why we do it. Why it can almost feel like life-or-death. How to do something constructive about it. Some personal experiences. Maybe you’re worried that honesty with her will limit your access to porn AND to sex with her at the same time. If you don’t know how to control your habits/urges yet, or how to want life without porn, this can be very threatening. Why trying to change how your spouse feels (help them feel better) isn’t always the most useful approach. Part 2 coming next week. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk





30. How Grounding Can Help Your Marriage, Part 1
Jun 25 2020 38 mins  
Like an electrical circuit, the human body has energy and even literally electricity flowing through it. Thoughts and emotions have energy to them. But what do you do when it feels like there is a short circuit? What can you do with the excess energy or the energy that’s stuck? Or with emotional pain that seems overwhelming? Or with urges that seem overpowering? Grounding is a place to start. It is a skill you can learn. Some activities may be more naturally grounding for you. Find what works for you. Some different ideas on how to approach grounding. When it comes down to it, where you place your focus can make almost any activity either grounding or not grounding. Tune in to Part 2 next week for tips on how to involve that most important part in your grounding. The part of you where it all begins: your brain. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


29. What Does It Mean to Be a Provider?
Jun 18 2020 44 mins  
How do you approach your decisions about money in your marriage? Do you feel insecure? Get defensive? Do you just defer to the one making the money to make the “big” money decisions? This comes up for people all the time in our conversations with them. When Danny stopped working for a time, and Lindsay began working, it felt like our world got turned upside down. It was challenging. There were doubts, insecurities, friction to be worked through. You don’t need your circumstances to become drastic or dire to learn these valuable lessons from our experience. You may able to relate to the unhelpful thinking patterns we discovered during this time. Why we struggle having conversations about money or making decisions about money as a couple? Some helpful strategies. Some alternative ways to think about it without limiting yourself. What it means to be a provider and why this is so important. How going to bat for yourself can actually help your loved one and your relationship. A funny example. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk




27. Results - Why You Are Where You Are Now
Jun 04 2020 36 mins  
What are your current results in life and why do you have those results? If you know you want something more, don’t get ahead of yourself. First, it’s so important to understand why you are where you are now. Doing so will allow you to create new results in your life. We are using the Self-Coaching Model to explain how to start this process. How it has impacted us personally. How it is impacting clients. What blindspots might you have in your own brain/thought patterns? Even though actions are what create results, your results ultimately start somewhere else. Results are evidence of your underlying, optional, thinking. An example of a real person’s model. How to map out your desired results. How to follow through with your desired actions instead of fizzling out along the way. Hint: more will power is not the answer. Why we think we need to change the past or other people. Use the energy of “It’s possible” when choosing your desired results. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


26. Feelings Drive Your Actions More Than You Know
May 28 2020 33 mins  
Some people say “I don’t have time for feelings, I just need to get the job done.” But what they don’t know is that feelings help get the job done. That’s why we are talking about feelings in this episode. If you want to achieve your goals, get out of pain, improve your life, grow, then feelings are crucial. Many of us naturally disconnect from our feelings. Feelings drive your actions. What are they? Where do they come from? Where do I start? How do we approach them without getting overwhelmed? What if it feels awkward, uncomfortable. How to get intentional with your feelings and influence what feelings you have by choice. Instead of just waiting to see what the feelings-weather is like that day or getting run over by the feelings bus. Feeling feelings cannot harm you. Resisting them can. Physical sensations vs. Feelings (emotions) If you are not taking the action you want to see from yourself, it is because of something you are feeling. Some steps to get you started so you can use your feelings to your advantage. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


25. Fact vs. Story
May 21 2020 34 mins  
What stories about your problem do you assume to be true? We’re discussing why this is so important to look at. How it can reduce your pain. How it can empower you to take control of your life in a new way. How it can help you create results you don’t even currently realize are possible. Some personal examples. Could the stories you tell in your brain be creating your results in your life? Could they be optional? Circumstances (Facts): -neutral data points that have happened in the world -something about which everyone agrees -no adjectives or judgments Thoughts (Story): -sentences in your mind -things we think about the neutral circumstances -opinions/perspectives -create feelings -are always optional Thoughts seem like circumstances. Thoughts affect everything. A helpful exercise: question everything you think is a circumstance. Some examples of thoughts (story) and circumstances (facts) that we commonly see with married couples and pornography. The difference between talking with a friend/family member compared to talking to a coach. Use feelings as a clue where to start in managing your own mind. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk


24. Intentional Healing
May 14 2020 30 mins  
Why are we talking about this? -for people who want to heal from past injuries -but also for people trying to get in the game and perform at a higher level Danny’s experience with PTSD. Lindsay’s experience with numbing. Our bodies want to heal. Period. Not only physically but also emotionally. 3 steps to intentional healing: -safety -correction -repetition Be your own biggest proponent for your healthcare and healing in general. This is not only about healing and recovering from past injuries (physical or emotional), but also about the future. If you became really skilled at healing, what would that mean for you? What goals could you go for more confidently? What could you create? What kinds of failures could you tolerate on the way to success? Some useful questions to ask when your body gives you physical cues. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk







21. Real Self-Care is Different Than What You Think It Is
Apr 23 2020 33 mins  
Why are we talking about self-care? Maybe you’ve heard it’s important. Maybe you want to get better at it but struggle to know where to start. Or maybe you have a hard time getting yourself to do the things that you’d really like to do to take care of yourself. We’ve been there. We can relate. Join us as we talk about what real self-care is and why it is important. Signs that you might not be taking care of yourself in some way. How to use self-care to help you better achieve your goals in life. Examples of things that may not actually be self-care when you think it is. Real self-care comes from love and worthiness and not fear or shame. Some personal examples. A discussion of some examples of real self-care. How to better access the power of self-care. Lindsay teaches an exercise on how to begin this process. Lindsay and Danny Poelman are certified life coaches and are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Danny helps guys to stop looking at porn and make their real life and/or marriage what they want it to be. Lindsay helps women let go of the fantasy marriage that doesn’t exist and create the marriage of their dreams in real life. For more information: lindsaypoelman.com or www.dannypoelman.com Lindsay’s free Emotional Awareness workbook: https://mailchi.mp/lindsaypoelmancoaching/awareness For Danny's free 3-Part video series on How to Stop Looking at Porn: https://mailchi.mp/ecb42a844001/az7gs45o8l Submit Questions or Recommend Topics you would like us to cover: https://lindsaypoelman.typeform.com/to/dtVOMk












































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