If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

Dec 09 2024 112 ep. 66 mins 176
If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes Podcast artwork

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.
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  Comedy  Society & Culture
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Dolo & Ganbana

Dec 09 2024 70 mins  
This podcast, which routinely features LB HUNKTEARS, also has John Warren and Niki Grayson, who this week discuss the following topics: Using a saw to paint a house, Niki's driving habits, cocaine, jungle laboratories, Larry King's relationship with Nancy Reagan, regularly scheduled steroids talk, best sex pheromones for men attract hot women, and somehow even more. LB HUNKTEARS LB

Van Helsing's Orb

Nov 25 2024 71 mins  
With Niki back on assignment, literal superhero Michael Higham fights and defeats a power outage and storm in order to join LB and John for this week's episode. And aside from being the first-ever Drivey Award Winner for Bravest Guest, Michael also gets to talk about Stevie Wonder, all-terrain wheelchairs, falling in front of the babes, if The Rock "knew about Bin Laden," LB's idea

The Beach That Makes You Sell Your Spit

Nov 18 2024 73 mins  
Niki is back and not a moment too soon, as LB and John have prepared what may be our wettest episode yet in celebration of their return. Well, "prepared" might be a strong word for anything that happens on this show, but the gang does get right back to business by discussing a new(?) kind of concert venue, selling your spit, pants, a scary thing that happened to Niki while driving

Where's Vatican 2?

Nov 11 2024 76 mins  
With Niki out on assignment, Michael Higham joins John and LB for our most cum-tastic episode since *checks notes* the last time Michael was here. But fear not, the gang also talks about regular basketball, beach basketball, the origin of the term "skeet," warning signs to watch for when hanging out with Catholics, that really tall drink you can get in Las Vegas, LB's cool mom, Joh

Brazilian Butt Life

Nov 04 2024 71 mins  
Will Halloween in the rearview and Election Day upon us, Niki, LB and John try to iron out the few remaining wrinkles in American politics by addressing such hot-button issues as elf feet, Turkish hair transplant surgery, World Series Champions "The Dodgers," the power of prayer, a legendary and dead Australian horse, asses, and even a brand-new game from Niki and LB, along with a

Four Swipes to Get to House

Oct 28 2024 57 mins  
Niki, LB and John skillfully walk through a docket of challenging and pertinent issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, such as the form and function of a joke, firefighters who also have to fight lions, whether basketball has a home on this podcast, a quick sidebar, an approximation of the plot of 1982's The Thing, a fun theme restaurant Niki went to, filming on silver nitrate, an

Pat's Gone

Oct 21 2024 74 mins  
With LB once again helping the stranded astronauts aboard the International Space Station, local hero merritt k steps in to help Niki and John navigate this week's most challenging conversation topics, including Niki's ruined floors, ants, the weird guy movies of the early 2000s, getting all of your "yellow juice" extracted, penis rejuvenation therapy, a game that you can wishlist

So It’s a Lot Like Scrubs?

Oct 14 2024 68 mins  
John, Niki and LB ask some important questions about blood and the people who take it from us, before moving on to some more relatable, everyday topics such as the funny underwear that Borat wears, roller coaster safety ratings, being "famous contemporarily with a horse, when a dog ate a human heart on that one TV show, the potential dangers of hiring the nation's favorite buddies

JOMO

Oct 07 2024 70 mins  
Niki, LB and John put down their PSLs long enough to recording a brand-new episode of your favorite podcast, discussing such seasonally appropriate topics as which 90s sitcoms are the most Jewish, tips for dealing with "truculent teens," John's dishwasher installation story, "childhood trauma objects," if hats need instructions, witnessing crimes while traveling, and folks? You bet

Harry's Law

Sep 30 2024 75 mins  
Hey folks it's Jordan, the producer! Normally I sit in on these recordings so I can give y'all a synopsis in the eppy description here, but this time I didn't do that! Because of all the ants in my apartment! So we're gonna listen to this episode together, okay? It'll be a fun bonding experience for us. I hope you're excited about getting bonded!!!!!Welcome to If You're Driving, Cl