Playing With Fire

Jan 04 2025 184 ep. 42 mins 97
Playing With Fire Podcast artwork

Welcome to Playing With Fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom-build their love. We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity. Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.

  Society & Culture
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185 Conscious Uncoupling

Jan 04 2025 62 mins  
Navigating the endings of relationships doesn't have to be a disaster. When it comes to consciously uncoupling, it’s about so much more than “breaking up nicely.” We want to help you reimagine what’s possible, honor what was, and create space for what comes next, even when it feels incredibly challenging. In this episode, we talk about: — Why conscious uncoupling requires

184 Q&A Quickie: Why get married?

Dec 28 2024 32 mins  
If you’re polyamorous… what’s the point of getting married?? We get this question a lot. And although we are married, we also have a ton of mixed feelings about marriage. Marriage is way more complex than just saying “I do,” and we want to help you sort through those complexities so that you can decide whether or not to get (or stay) married with consciousness and integri

183 Pelvic and Sexual Health for Every Body with Dr. Ariana Cesare

Dec 21 2024 63 mins  
Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s normal. You do NOT have to accept pain, discomfort, and limitations when it comes to sex, pregnancy, and childbirth as “just the way things are.” Dr. Ariana Cesare, a pelvic and obstetric physical therapist, is joining us on this episode of Playing With Fire to bust that myth, and many others, when it comes to pain and plea

182 Q&A Quickie: What should I do when my partner wants gender-based rules in non-monogamy?

Dec 14 2024 29 mins  
Gender-based relationship rules might seem like an easy solution to difficult feelings that come up in non-monogamous relationships, but they often mask deeper issues that deserve our attention. Restrictions like "one penis policies" typically stem from unexamined jealousy, fears of competition, and internalized biases. The desire for these kinds of rules often comes from very real

181 Q&A Quickie: Privacy vs. Transparency—How do I feel safer?

Dec 07 2024 35 mins  
Navigating privacy and transparency in relationships can feel like walking a tightrope—especially when you and your partners have different comfort levels with information sharing. If you've ever felt frustrated by how much (or how little) your partner shares, you're not alone! The good news? There's no "right" amount of transparency or privacy. What matters is finding agreements

180 Hyper-Individualism vs Healthy Autonomy: Am I The A**hole?

Nov 30 2024 35 mins  
How do you tell the difference between being selfish and practicing healthy autonomy? You probably won’t be surprised to hear that it’s complicated! The line between hyper-individualism and differentiation isn’t just blurry; it’s usually impossible to judge any action one way or the other without a loooot of context (and maybe even hindsight!). To unpack this question, we h

179 One Kid’s Reflection on Being Raised by Polyamorous Parents

Nov 23 2024 29 mins  
One of the most common concerns we hear about non-monogamous relationships is “but what about the kids?!?” We have a lot to say in response… but in this special episode, you get to hear it from one of our kids instead! Moi offers a candid glimpse into his experience of being raised by polyamorous parents and shares his perspective on what it’s like to navigate a world where

178 The One to Share with Your Concerned Family Members

Nov 16 2024 34 mins  
Are you struggling to talk to your friends and family about your non-monogamous identity? Whether you’re unsure how to start the conversation or you’ve tried before and it didn’t go so well, we’re here to help. This episode is a quick and easy resource to share directly with your loved ones. It addresses some common concerns and misconceptions about non-monogamy and shares

177 Shadow Dance: Navigating Projections in Relationships

Nov 09 2024 49 mins  
The word projection gets thrown around a lot these days, often in an accusatory way (think, “so-and-so is projecting!”). But projection is actually a normal, unconscious psychological process that shows up in all relationships! That doesn’t mean we should let our projections go unchecked. They can interfere with our ability to truly see our partners as whole, autonomous being

176 Dismantling Defensiveness

Nov 02 2024 41 mins  
Defensiveness feels like a good way to protect yourself from harm in relationships, but it’s usually more effective at closing yourself off from personal growth, peace, connection, intimacy, multiplicity… and a lot of other wonderful parts of relating. Getting defensive is an unconscious strategy, a deeply ingrained response. Curbing it can feel like herding cats. Tomorrow, we�