Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Nov 15 2024 515 ep. 6 mins 3.1k

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly Podcast artwork

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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When they see the copper, the triplets think it’s about them gobbing on the cauliflower and turmeric latte crowd - which I’m not even sure is a crime’

Nov 15 2024 5 mins

There’s a Gorda cor bent around a lamppost and people are standing around looking shocked. Who could be responsible for this cornage? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘We’ve no idea what caused the fire. And we’re sticking to that story’

Nov 08 2024 6 mins

Sorcha is flirting with the fireman while the focking house is on fire, but there’ll be focking war if she finds out about the fireworks Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘People in the crowd are staring at Honor like she’s a cold sore on debs night’

Nov 01 2024 5 mins

So I’m standing with Honor at the junction of Foster Avenue and the N11 and we’re watching people pass us by with agony, I don’t know, etched all over their faces? Yeah, no, JP is running the Dublin City Marathon and I’ve turned up to cheer him on, as well as – obviously – the rest of the field. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘The thought of booking a table for one at Shanahan’s on the Green got me through my prison sentence’

Oct 26 2024 6 mins

Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara rings me. Which is a rare enough occurrence. On the four, maybe five, occasions it’s happened, it’s been to ask me to retrieve the Go Bag that he insists on storing in our attic and to drive him to Dublin Airport. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

JP is staring at me like I’ve said I’m really enjoying his old dear’s OnlyFans account

Oct 18 2024 6 mins

JP says Chloe is writing a novel based on her college days. He’s like, “She’s hoping to do for DBS what Sally Rooney did for Trinity.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘A threesome?’ Sorcha goes. ‘Why would you think I’d be into having a threesome?’

Oct 11 2024 6 mins

Sorcha asks if the beef is from a regenerative form and I end up having to look away. Seriously, you can’t bring her anywhere. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Things have changed since you were at school, Sorcha,’ the old man goes. ‘We recognise that traditional media is our enemy now’

Oct 04 2024 6 mins

Hennessy, the old man and Honor are sitting around the island, looking as thick as thieves. Which is exactly what they are. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The competition gets under way. The entrants are each told to remove a sock and put it in the pint glass in front of them

Sep 30 2024 6 mins

Driving through the gates of University College Dublin (UCD) brings back one or two memories. Not that I spent much time in the place when I did the Sports Man Dip course back in the day. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Your father is a moral eunuch, Ross. Those aren’t my words. That was a main finding of the Mahon tribunal’

Sep 20 2024 6 mins

So we’re in Morton’s of Ranelagh, doing the big shop, when we run into Rebecca Leahy, the old dear of Honor’s classmate Diva Leahy. Actually, she and Sorcha both reach for the last punnet of kumquats in the shop and I watch Sorcha’s body shape change to fight mode until Rebecca goes, “Sorcha! How are you? Oh my God, look at you! You must weigh nothing!” Hosted on Acast.

The porty invitations were returned with the words, ‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly? Are you focking kidding me?’

Sep 13 2024 6 mins

I‘ve always worried about Honor – from the time she emerged from her mother’s womb and gave a “fock you” look to the midwife who slapped her orse. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.