You Look Nice Today

Apr 04 2020 52 ep. 35 mins 8k
You Look Nice Today Podcast artwork

A Journal of Emotional Hygiene, staffed by lonelysandwich, scottsimpson, and hotdogsladies.

  Comedy
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California King: "What is HØL?"

Apr 04 2020 37 mins  
Our work was done. We'd said all we needed to say. We apparated from this world, much like monks who retreat to a mountaintop hovel. Only for us, we apparated via Greyhound and hoveled in an abandoned Bauxite mine outside Eufaula, Alabama. Everything was going great. We each had our own little cavernlet in which to do our alonetime ablutions and adult irrigations, and every ev

Episode 51: Vintage Vape

May 16 2015 11 mins  
Whether you like baseball, chicken dinners, multilevel marketing, or The Price is Right, we offer several varietals of bespoke juices you can enjoy with your family for generations.

Episode 50: Scat Academy (Part 1)

Nov 01 2013 46 mins  
Welcome to the You Look Nice Today® Scat Immersion Program™. No dogs, babies, or squares allowed. In preparation for your first day on campus, please learn these key phrases, as they represent your final connection with your native tongue: SCAT: Gom zibby, glom zibby, bop zibby domp! ENGLISH: Please, do not raise your voice; I have a terrific heroin headache. SCAT: Bomp ZE

Episode 49: Make a Given Wish

Jan 02 2013 28 mins  
As part of a pilot program, The You Look Nice Today Foundation (a Delaware corporation) has recently undertaken a groundbreaking new outreach initiative to provide comfort to those in theoretical need. So, YES: we will sell, lend, or lease you a built-to-purpose condition along with its appropriate consolation. But, NO: we’re absolutely not Santa Claus. So, get real, you

Episode 48: Schrodinger's Conference Bag

Dec 02 2012 33 mins  
Welcome to the global premiere of the International You Look Nice Today Conference & Expo™! Get ready for an epic showcase of big-idea ideations and tactical tactics to be held in the picturesque Los Altos Community Centre, December 2nd 2012! Join old colleagues and make new friends in an immersive networking environment of blue-sky solutioneering and overcoats! Experienc

Episode 47: Adam Ruins Everything

Nov 02 2012 40 mins  
Listen. It’s actually very simple. When you buy in to the You Look Nice Today “Inverted Triangle Program™” you enter a world of theoretically unlimited income. Recruit two friends, ask them to recruit two friends, and—BOOM—you’re reviving even the most tired franchise. Mazel Tov!

Episode 46: Poolside

Oct 02 2012 36 mins  
ATTENTION! POOL RULES! Free swim Thursdays 4:00 - 4:15. Shower before entering pool. Also, shave before entering pool. This is a “Body Shame Free” zone. You must keep your eyes closed at all times. Chairs may only be saved with a passport, $50 bill, or a signed photo of Burt Reynolds. Towels available for a small fee—ask the Towel Troll for details. Water in the

Episode 45: Morning Glory

Sep 02 2012 30 mins  
TO: Paul Polman, CEO Unilever PLC London, United Kingdom Dear Mr. Polman, I hope you can help me. You are in charge of a massive, multinational food and detergent company. So I understand that you are a very busy man. My problem, while small compared to all of the things you must worry about every day, is of dire importance to me. I have been a fan of your Ragu line of past

Episode 44: The Rules

Aug 01 2012 39 mins  
Hello, my friend! Welcome to my humble automobile dealership! Ah, yes. Very nice. I see you eyeing our all new 2013 Toyota Scimitar with optional Sports Package and Premium Ground Effects. This favored daughter of luxury is blessed with power steering, calfskin cup holders, and eleven LCD screens. And, she is yours today, my friend, for the pittance of $32,000. Very nice! [sil

Episode 43: Gellies Local 416

Jul 01 2012 33 mins  
Thieving Threesome Nabbed (California) Three men were detained and arrested at a local Target today, charged with the attempted theft of over $400 in merchandise. The men refused to identify themselves, giving only their local club affiliation: Gellies Local 416. “This wasn’t your normal grab-and-go,” said Target assistant manager Charles Monjohnson. “Like