Cheerful Despair

Jul 14 2024 26 ep. 58 mins 292
Cheerful Despair Podcast artwork

Join two men on the right side of middle age and the wrong side of clinical obesity as they talk about basically nothing. Be disturbed by their absurd views and alarmed by how much you agree with them. For thirty minutes anything goes - this is cheerful despair. Scottish author David F Porteous is approximately one half of Cheerful Despair, find out more about him at his website http://www.dfpiii.com David Candy is approximately the other half of Cheerful Despair, learn nothing about him at his youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/friendlyals

  Comedy
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Episode 26 – A Sky-Blue Shirt with Mauve Cufflinks

Jul 14 2024 61 mins  
“Hello tech support. Uh-huh, uh-huh. In your podcast app? OK. Does the thumbnail have two skeletons on it? Uh-huh. Yeah, I’m afraid you’re going to have to listen to it. Yeah, yeah. The whole thing I'm afraid. It’s only an hour. OK. I understand.” Wow! This time on Cheerful Despair: David F. Porteous didn’t want to shoot lightning from his fingertips anyway! Minced be

Episode 25 - Beyond Stupid and Not Even A Little Bit Funny

Dec 06 2020 68 mins  
"I tried top [sic] watch [sic] this. It was beyond stupid and not even a little bit funny. Sounded like extreme left wing nonsense and trying to make it sound funny." This time on Cheerful Despair: Extreme left wing nonsense! Wow! Beyond stupid! Yay! Not even a little bit funny! Plus! Trying to make it sound funny!

Episode 24 - Cause and Effect

May 28 2020 84 mins  
Recorded in early 2019 and aged in an oak MacBook previously used to produce a fine Scottish audiobook. This episode has exquisite bouquets of: Time passes, possibly on the way to taking four consecutive rights and coming back to where it was The Apple Store that used to be a Wimpy "There was never 'the' terminator, it was always 'a' terminator" The hospitalisation of Scottish Au

Episode 23 - Wuhan Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest

May 08 2020 64 mins  
Denied their sound engineer and recording studio by an extremely rude global pandemic, David F. Porteous and David Candy bring you the subtle flavours and rich aroma of Cheerful Despair from the state-mandated comfort of their own homes. Wow! This time on the UK's 37th best comedy podcast*: Neil Armstrong porks out! A touch of the gammons! David F. Porteous vs. Peppa Pig! Plus:

Episode 22 - Shout Out To Atheist Monk

Feb 24 2020 68 mins  
Cheerful Despair takes you back into the warm, slightly moist, folds of its matronly but disturbingly hairy bosom. Other joys we remind you of in this episode: The joy of babies - you can't hit them with bricks, you just can't The joy of employment - you still can't hit babies with bricks The joy of clowns - you can hit them with bricks, and you should We've probably put someth

Episode 21 - The Skeletal Remains of Jackie Bird

Aug 06 2019 63 mins  
Cheerful Despair take you on a journey across time and space to celebrate New Year 2018 from the comfort of August 2019. Wow! This time on Britain's 37th best comedy podcast*: The Brigadoon extended universe "Vaseline - For a Frictionless Kitchen" Tom Hanks in rhyming-slang biohorror shock Plus! Only five sixths of a cross quiz (sorry) But fifteen tenths of a debate bag (hooray!

Episode 20 - Buy Me A Hoose!

Jul 05 2019 54 mins  
I read once about a podcast that vanished without warning. When it suddenly reappeared, almost two years later, everything was fine. No-one had unsubscribed and everyone just kept listening as if nothing had happened. So, you know, maybe something to think about there. Anyway, this time on Cheerful Despair: How is anti-vax Hercules stored in David Candy’s brain? Shifty Un-Americ

The Last Jedi Special

Dec 19 2017 69 mins  
David F. Porteous and David Candy (who like Star Wars) have been to the movies with sound engineer David Chisholm (who likes football and girls). Why not listen to the aftermath? Includes STAR WARS THEMED versions of regular features Cross Quiz and Debate Bag. Caution! From about 30 minutes in, and after ample verbal warnings, we do spoil some plot details of the film. (Sorry about

S3E6 - Unbelievably, it's more otters

Jul 03 2017 67 mins  
"I don't know how they got into the air ducts, I just want them out. And don't let Jerry screw you around about how he warned us to put the fine mesh otterwire over the vents because otters are skinnier than they used to be. I don't care. I just want them gone." This week on Cheerful Despair: Lies about Leith - a place you've probably never been, and if you rely on the signs, you w

S3E5 - My Bicycle has a Brexit

Jun 25 2017 49 mins  
"I don't care how many Shannon McNamara has, I am not spending five pounds on another fidget spinner! Why not listen to that stupid podcast instead?" This week: We offer our code-breaking services to GCHQ. Uh, you're welcome... Cheerful Despair remembers Lady Diana the way she would have wanted. With a quiz. Sir Isaac Newton commits various acts of political self-harm in the name